faq

subjects answered in q&a posts :



about my name | about myself | about my argumentation | about agere & communities | about self dx | ccs, ids & kins | my internet past | about numbers | about politics | about controversial words | about my content | about girls x boys | about astrology & similar | some beauty talk | some fashion talk | about sexuality | purity & innocence | social media issues general | about disliking lives | honest opinion | cruelty-free lifestyle | about money | about individuality | about presence | about ( my ) immigration | my religion | about rules | cuteness & femininity | group behavior | about web design | my beauty care | about this beautiful world | about self care | trauma coping issues | virtual world issues | the girls' rivalry | role in life | fragility of the ego | age differences | imageboards issues | about pet buying | about phone customization


there will be updates and new topics from time to time




 please, read this first :


there is something that i would like to specify here, although it is something always implied, i think it would be better just to be clear !!!
i personally don't like to use "names", "communities", or any form of group identification to represent my individual beliefs, opinions, and valuations ; therefore, you will never see me participating in specific communities or movements. i never use names of movements or groups to identify me or to represent my ideas and opinions. that doesn't mean that i don't support any of it, the thing is that i don't feel that they represent me properly.
it's part of what i long to : to think alone about things and formulate my own opinions according to what i individually believe. this is something i truly always support and encourage, but i understand that it is simpler to use groups when you are searching for the right path in life, i have also done this for some time !
so, if you really have an interest in knowing what i think about things, please take your time to read my texts.
i know it can be tiring, but i really think it's important to write clearly what i think instead of throwing random information here and there and calling myself things that i don't really consider myself ///
you're always free to question me about things and point out when i have some behavior that doesn't match what i believe, after all, i really want to improve and that would really help me !
but please don't question me about supporting or not movements and communities, because i am not part of any of this. i just support what i say i support, it's that simple.






 what is my name ?


 ( june . 15 . 2018 )

 ✐ .. 𝑚𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑠𝑎
melissa is my irl name. i really like my name, but i don't use it on the internet because it would be difficult to find me, you know. melissa is the name of a plant, the lemon balm. it is common for people to use this plant to make tea and for medicinal purposes. it has very small, white and delicate flowers. the meaning of this name is literally "honeybee", which makes people give some interesting interpretations to it. some people gave me the nickname "mel" ( which means literally honey ).

 ✐ .. 𝑚𝑖𝑑𝑑𝑙𝑒𝑝𝑜𝑡
this is actually a surname, and i use it as "artistic signature". it's very formal, so i don't use it as user on the internet. i've used some variations of it ( mimi, midpot, mimipot ) in the past, though. it's not a real surname, i discovered it in a dream. at the time i was thinking of a nickname to use on the internet and i had just created the "poofties" project, so i was thinking about many things and characters, especially potatoes. i used the nickname "poteto" from time to time, because of that. one day i dreamed about potatoes and many other confusing things, including a very fat and giant cat that called me "melissa middlepot". he told me "you're bigger than your potato friends, but there are still bigger potatoes, believe me", even though i was not really a potato. i know it's weird, but the dream was in portuguese, except for the surname "middlepot", so it's a bit hard to explain LOL. well, i woke up really thinking that middlepot was good, it sounds like some english surnames. so, yes, i believe that "pot" is from "potato". be honest, "middlepot" is pretty cute, isn't it ?

 ✐ .. 𝑝𝑢𝑓 / 𝑝𝑜𝑜𝑓𝑡𝑖𝑒
puf is not just a nickname but actually a character from the poofti world, therefore, a pooftie. it's who i am, there ! middlepot is the surname that was given for me, but they don't call me like this, because it's too formal.. they neither call me melissa / mel ; they call me puf !
puf is a "softie", a metamorphic critter that can take the form of anything that is "soft" enough. it is often seen in the form of a teddy bear, bunny, lamb, or human girl ! sometimes a mix between these .. sometimes with wings, but it cannot fly. puf can't control its metamorphosis abilities, it happens suddenly and without explanation.
i like to use its name and variations as user in my "casual" accounts ! small and cute.






 who am i ?


 ( april . 19 . 2018 + may . 04 . 2018 )

     𝓅𝓮𝓇𝓈𝓸𝓃𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝓉𝓇𝒶𝒾𝓉𝓈 ..

୨୧ i'm very shy & introverted. so, because of my introversion, i don't feel bad for being shy, it's just part of me ;
୨୧ i'm full of love and i do my best to take care of others and myself. i want to bring comfort and safety to everyone !
୨୧ i have difficulties in approaching and sometimes i never feel comfortable near some people ;
୨୧ when i'm comfortable with people, i talk a lot about random things, sometimes i even talk too much ///
୨୧ i usually adapt to different situations and different people "changing moods", sometimes i get into it a lot and i feel confused, but i'm always myself ;
୨୧ i'm always evaluating my behavior to improve myself, but sometimes i take it too seriously and get overwhelmed ;
୨୧ i love rules ! i love to make rules for myself, to have rules made for me and to follow them. rules often make me happy because they make me a better person ;
୨୧ i make lists all the time to be able to have an organized routine and take time to practice all my hobbies. feeling busy with things that i like makes me feel pretty satisfied !
୨୧ i think too much about everything and sometimes i feel melancholic ;
୨୧ i deeply value the purity. for me purity is directly linked to your true personality, who you really are. i never forget who i am and what i believed and wanted from myself when i was a child and i want more than anything to be proud of myself, the child i will always be.

     𝓮𝓍𝓉𝓇𝒶 ..

୨୧ my sense of humor is quite childish, so i laugh at really silly things ;
୨୧ i cry a lot, sad and happy ;
୨୧ my main interest is beautiful things and to make things beautiful ;
୨୧ i like everything that warms my heart and i try to fill my life with these things ;
୨୧ people say i smell like vanilla. i think i smell like honey ///
୨୧ i love animals, especially babies, i love taking care of babies !!
୨୧ i love nature, she is everything to me, i struggle daily to feel part of her and understand my instincts and role in life. this has made me extremely happy and helps me overcome any personal problems.



edit // some people asked me to post some things about my body as well. i thought a lot about it because it's very intimate and i don't like to post so many things like that ...
but i decided that i'll post, since these are information that anyone who knows me personally would know, there is nothing so secret about it :

 my height is 167cm ( 5'5 ft ). i am medium sized.
 i weight 54kg ( 117 lbs ). i'm okay, i think i'm skinny.
 i don't want to share measurements here, but i really like my body shape ! according to my measures, i'm hourglass figure.
 my skin is pale, but not super pale. i hate tanning because my skin is really sensitive and turns red only ; ;
 my hair changes color very much according to the lighting, but it also becomes clearer if i go out in the sun. it's dark blond / light brown and sometimes it gets a little bit orange, but it's only noticeable in the sunlight.
 i like to keep a "himecut" in my hair, with short side bangs ( it's cute but also a bit more mature than straight bangs ). i cut my hair myself. i'm lazy so it's common for my bangs to be super long + my hair is quite wavy, so the cut is not so noticeable.
 my eyes are between blue and green ( cyan, turquoise ) + a little bit grayish.
 i don't know my shoe size to be honest, but my feet are 24cm.
 um... i'm a-cup ///






 how do i get my arguments ?


 ( september . 06 . 2018 )

people who read my huge texts here may notice that my arguments for all subjects have some patterns, i might say, characteristic of me.
i always explain my reasonings to the conclusions, opinions, and "solutions to problems" that i arrive at ; but this doesn't seem to be clear enough to explain why i always think in a specific way and come up with texts that are so deep, sentimental and at the same time logical.
the thing is exactly that ! i take into consideration all the parts that make up who i am. i am a human being who has rationality to be able to reflect on things and observe situations with an "impartial", rational and logical perception ; but i also have feelings, which are what guide me to questioning things and wanting to be happy, helping me and helping those i love, by getting answers to problems. despite having the sentimental side clearly stronger than the rational one, i strive to balance both when thinking about things and also to write my texts, so that i can get more consistent and useful answers. i don't always get it right because i have hormones that affect my cognitive ability from time to time, i'm an animal ( female, which makes me on the other hand get particular facility in other things, which i also try to make the most of ) but i only write my texts when i am in the mood to reach balanced conclusions.
i think what makes the difference in my arguments to most people is that although i know that i am not the most mature and experienced person, not having much knowledge in specific areas, i always look for answers within myself and in the nature, which is what inevitably controls us. we are all composed of mind, body and soul ; our mind carry the ability to rationalize, our body carry feelings and instincts, our soul carry our pure essence. people usually focus on the part they are most comfortable using and form arguments based on that particular part, but that causes problems ; ;
if you just focus on the mind you will make arguments that are insensitive, extreme and that will not bring happiness ; if you focus on the feelings you will make arguments that will not be useful, perhaps childish and very melancholy ; if you focus on the instincts you will make primitive and inconsistent arguments ; if you focus on the soul you will make arguments that are usually religious and too abstract to be understood. what i strive to do is to use the feelings ( which are my strength ) to guide me through the questions, then use all the other parts to form my arguments and respond to the problems consistently and clearly. my arguments are gentle and soft, natural, extremely sincere and even without having great academic background it's not just "all over the place". it's always thought to bring me happy and working responses, even though we are animals and nature is neutral, we can understand and work with it if we use all the parts that make us up properly.
i know that my texts are focused on being personal and may not work for many people because they have opinions of their own, and i always encourage you to reflect personally to find your own answers. anyway, i think my way to get to the arguments in a balanced way is a healthy practice and i recommend it to everyone ♡ !
i'm utterly happy to know that you like to read what i write, since it's something that comes from my heart ( and everything else ).






 do i age regress ?


 ( september . 27 . 2017 + august . 23 . 2019 )

i've been thinking about age regression lately, because i really am into all kind of age regression activities and stuff.. but i still know that i don't really age regress, because i'm always like it.
i don't really feel a difference when i'm coloring or eating using a cute spoon, because it's just my personality. i could say everytime i'm feeling comfy i'm regressed, but i don't really feel it as a thiiing, because it's just who i am.. !
i think age regression is valid, because it really is important for some people to find their purity and innocence again.. and i still really like being into agere activities and stuff, but i don't consider myself into the "little space" thing ( i'm talking about non kink age regression, i'm just using the expression.. ) because if so, i would constantly be into it, and the thing about regression is exactly the contrast between feeling adult and childish.
i have matured a lot and learned things through the time, but the way i see the world and my personality definitively is the same as ever, because this is exactly what i value !
when i think about myself with 8 years old, i can see clearly that i'm the same, and will always be. i don't need to regress.
i want to keep myself pure and innocent, imaginative, positive.. i always try my best to remain all the good important things about myself, even if sometimes i have to be really adult and strong, i'm still being myself all the time.. i'll never change, just mature and get better and smarter !!
i can be an adult and still be the same as always, just changing moods and choosing important personality traits for each situation ! i can have childish interests, because my interests are important, it doesn't matter if it's childish.. i also have lots of grandma interests like embroidery, baking, and i know i'm not a grandma ( yet )
of course adult stuff is really stressful, so bubu always help me.. he takes care of me. is he my caregiver ? yes, but i also take care of him ! we always help each other in everything ♡
since i've remained the same, i don't feel the need to regress, because i'm already regressed. i'm just myself.. always !
if you have a hard time being yourself and feeling comfortable about your interests, personality and behavior, don't feel guilty about regressing.. there will be this contrast between feeling big and small that will make you feel like wanting to regress all the time, but someday you'll also feel always just like yourself, and be really happy about it ♡ !
it is possible to be pure, innocent, happy and comfy even as an adult.. and i'm trying my best to get there !!!

 do i age regress ? am i part of a community ? am i in a relationship with a "caregiver" ?

 ణ well, i don't think i really age regress because i don't enter a "mind space", but i do have lots of "small" personality traits & interests.. it makes my heart soft, it's part of who i am and i believe i should embrace it ♡
 ణ as i don't age regress, i am not part of any community,, but i identify with babycore and age regression blogs because it always make me feel so comfy & soft ! i always keep following this kind of content.
 ణ i consider bubu ( my love ) my caregiver in some way, because he takes good care of me since i'm very sensitive and get anxious about complicated "adult stuff", he always helps me a lot, keep me safe and i love him so much !!! ♡
 ణ i recently realized.. i am a platonic caregiver ! i love taking care of others, but it's not in a romantic way.. so it's different from what bubu is for me. i also don't enter any kind of "mind space" in this case !




now, about age play, ddlg / cgl .. there is a fine line between pedophilia and those kinks. how to identify dangerous situations, dangerous people, what's the limit ?
i think the sex life between two adults, responsible for themselves, with consent, is something that allows things like kinks or lifestyles such as bdsm. any sub/dom relationship, have no relation whatsoever to incest or pedophilia. is something consented between two adults. anyway, it's a kink. in my opinion, kinks should in no way be publicly exposed, on the streets or on the internet, where children can see and be influenced. children can't have contact with these kind of things because it wouldn't be healthy.
this unfortunately is something that has happened very often, and even worse, added to age play : ddlg / cgl has reached many minors and many adult pedophiles have had contact with these children through kink communities.
these communities have become increasingly dangerous for minors, through the romanticization of pedophilia, child abuse and contact with kinks linked to childhood. even people who claim to be in a sfw ddlg / cgl community are not safe and are exposed to dangerous people as they use kink tags.
communities of age regression that work hard to be a truly safe environment for people who don't use the agere as something sexual, are anti ddlg. many people have gone against this kink, because of exposure to minors. it has become something horrible and manipulative.

i agree that it is really very dangerous to associate childhood with sexuality, even if those involved are adults, and i firmly believe that kinks shouldn't be publicly exposed for children to see. neither of them.
the only way to keep a kink safe and not harmful to anyone is without public exposure.
i hope i have made things clear, since this subject is so controversial, it's difficult to write about it
if i said something wrong, please let me know !





 do i support self dx ?


 ( september . 15 . 2017 )

self diagnosis, deductions based on internet searches are safe ?
i am not against this kind of research, for it's necessary that we know ourselves to seek appropriate help. it is not safe to be silent about our problems.
consulting a professional without being aware of what we feel may result in an uncertain diagnosis. professional help will only be complete with our help, too !
but, it is very important to know that it's completely unsafe to get conclusions about our health without consulting professional help, especially at the time of medication. self medication is something extremely dangerous that can make our problems worse.

talking about our mental health can be a good thing when it comes to interacting with people because they can hurt us unintentionally. we need to talk about it with people we interact with.
on the internet it has become common for people to make dx lists, to try to stay safe.
there is a serious controversy about this as lots of people use self dx to have the freedom to treat people rudely.
mental illnesses are not justification for doing evil. mental illnesses that affect the personality and make a person have bad attitudes are very serious and should be treated, you know ?
people who use the name of illness to feel more special than others are extremely disrespectful, you should be careful when writing this kind of thing as a way of protection.

personally, i think dx lists can be dangerous because people are bad and can use it against you.
people may think that you are pretending, or try to affect your weaknesses. i think this type of exposure requires caution.

about me, i can't say i am not neurotypical, because i never had a dx, and i'd rather not do a self dx... i am searching for it, because i think it's important.
this is what i can say for now :

 ഒ i am very very sensitive. i don't trust people easily and i don't make friends easily ; but i do have some people that i know i can trust, and they make me happy and safe around them. this makes me happy because i consider myself pretty much an introvert.

 ഒ i do have problems with socializing, and i feel very anxious and i can't breath properly when i'm around lots of unknown people, specially if they are looking at me and if i'm alone. i feel better when i have someone i can really trust with me, but i usually don't put myself in unconfortable situations.

 ഒ i had bad experiences at home, some people from my family are not good for me and made me feel very awful things. my mom is a good person and i love her, even though my relationship with her has also been quite distant since i grew up.

 ഒ about some bad experiences i do not have clear memories. sometimes in bad situations, i lost consciousness. from time to time i have bad dreams about uncomfortable experiences. even though they happened many years ago, they always seem to be in my memory, and i hate it.

i deal with these problems avoiding situations that make me uncomfortable.
since i work and study at home and i have no contact with my past fears, i don't have much problems anymore.
still, my trauma nightmares keep coming from time to time. i'm afraid that people can force me to uncomfortable situations, all by myself.
i try to take care of myself the best i can. i hope to get a dx soon, because i feel it can help me to cope.





 do i have ids ?


 ( november . 23 . 2017 + july . 11 . 2019 )

although i am interested in kins / ids, i don't want to get involved in dramas, so i don't feel comfortable showing all of my kins..
but i believe it's safe to share my core ids with you ! since they are pretty much me, it couldn't be a problem :

         kokona







         kagome







         lime







         an angel of a girl







         pom's alice








( please don't call me by their names, i don't like it .. )

it's 100% okay if you identify with them too !
i don't believe that doubles ever make people invalid, but it's always okay to seek comfort, right ? i just can't agree with people being mean with each other ; ;

now these are some of my comfort characters i identify with :

         chii



         fraise



         bubbles



         ruby



         fluttershy



         latifa



         hanyuu



         dorothy



         marron cream



         ayu



         ribbonsanka



         solace




it's a little complicated to define these as ids, but i can say i do see myself in them to some extent & they are really heartwarming for me as well ..
that being said, i don't mind at all if you like them too !





 how was my past on the internet ?


 ( october . 21 . 2017 + july . 19 . 2019 )

what did i do on the internet before starting the projects and this website ?
some of you have known me for quite some time because i played many online games, especially dress up games and ragnarok. i'm not going to get into this because i already have the gaming session, where you can check it out !
i started with the internet very early, i was only 7 years old ( 2004 ). my mom always saw everything i did, so it was safe, don't worry LOL
i used to play flash games, and i had msn, and a blog. everyone had blogs or personal websites on the internet, where they customized and posted all sorts of things. i was a kid so i was not good with those things, but i liked to post gifs with cute animals, lots of glitter and beautiful images that i found on other blogs and google.
i didn't have social media at the time because i was very young and my mom wouldn't let me. i enjoyed visiting lots of websites with graphics and materials, beautiful blogs, and playing online games. my first online game was ragnarok, and my second, club penguin, if you wanna know.
i only used the internet for 2 hours a day in the morning and i used this time to decorate my blog and play with my friends. it was so much fun and i have great memories of that time !
i could have a social media ( orkut ) with 9 y/o, and i continued just posting cute graphics with lots of glitter, because it's just so adorable !
i also knew several forums at that time, and began to communicate with people all over the world. my english was obviously horrible, but i used the google translator to help me. i never posted any real information or photo because i was taught that this is dangerous.
i did several blogs, which were improving the quality of content and the layouts were becoming cuter. in 2006, i did the first layout that i really was very proud of !



over time, the internet has been changing ... the blogs became unpopular, forums too, msn died, orkut died ... very sad, right ? ;;
i then looked for substitutes for the things i liked : i tried using facebook to replace orkut, but no one else cared about the glittery cute things and i was disappointed.
i started using tumblr, which was well customizable and could fill the void that blogs left behind. it worked, even if it took a long time to find an aesthetic that would make me really happy, so i did several blogs until i got to my recent one ( it was during this time that i created the name middlepot ).
my recent one, was done together with a friend of mine, who also made with me the not bad fb page, which should have the same aesthetics. but she and i had very different opinions of what we wanted to do and she'd post things that i didn't like, both on the tumblr and on the page ... it became a mess, and we ended up giving up doing it together. i'd like to talk more about it in another post, because it's a tricky subject ; ;
anyway, i deleted her posts from tumblr and facebook, and then i got to my actual project : safety & comfort !
i no longer use fb and decided to continue the project by keeping just the necessary accounts, separately :
tumblr is my place to post images in original quality ; youtube is my place to make playlists ; twitter is my place to post ascii art ; instagram is my place to post interactive content .
i don't use any social media in a very personal way because these are just for sharing content to inspire and make people smile with positivity !
it was hard deciding what i should do, i'm used to the more open and customizable format the old internet had... tumblr is the place where i most adapted, but i still don't use it to post personal content.
to replace the forums, i found other places on the internet where i could communicate with various types of people, where i always remain anonymous as usual.
to replace msn, which was the platform i always used to talk to my family and close friends, i decided to use line. line in my opinion resembles quite a lot of things, besides having super cute stickers and themes !!
i also decided to try out discord because of friends, who use it a lot.. it reminds me of the oldschool group chats, so i like it.. !
now line is my fav chatting app,, while discord is my fav for group chat, specifically.

but in spite of having some social media accs, other nice places on the internet & the cute line... i was still missing something, my little corner on internet, to be able to make layouts exactly as i imaginate & post every kind of things i want : a personal website !!
so i did it, and here i am ♡ . * ・ 。
the 7 y/o me would be really proud of everything i'm doing right now. this website is really my favorite place on internet !
it's all i wanted, here i can put together all the projects i do and all the content i like.
sadly, personal websites are not that popular nowadays, so if i want to really help people in some way i need to keep some social media accounts for reaching them ..


i hope this answers a few things about how i got here !





 why don't i want any more numbers ?


 ( october . 18 . 2018 + february . 08 . 2019 )

since i wrote my "honest post" to you i reflected a lot about my attitudes. whenever i write something i do it initially to improve myself. i changed the way i treat my photos, i felt the need to clarify a lot of confusing things for you about personality and behavior that might be useful.. but i still felt very upset about the numbers on that site.
i decided a few days ago that i want to stop using the feedback buttons as well as the hit counter. i've never really liked the idea of ​​exposed numbers because people always take them too seriously, above the quality of content... they really think that numbers represent something important when in fact it's not realistic or impartial ; ;
i started using them because i liked to have feedback, but i think it turned out to be something not very relevant at some point... i'm not devaluing your clicks, but i prefer feedbacks with constructive words, tips and opinions, not just one approval or disapproval number. this has not really helped me improve, it's nothing compared to the messages i get. people are not numbers, they are individuals with real and important opinions and feelings. i want real opinions.
to be honest, i was very happy to see the numbers growing, but i know that they don't represent much of anything other than the site is growing in visits ( which is good, but overvalued ). the numbers are mostly positive, and i feel extremely happy about it, but it's definitely exaggerated. reading true and honest messages from the visitors proved infinitely more enriching for me, even the shorter messages were written by someone who really wanted to give their opinion.
social media have created this need for big numbers in people and even after partially abandoning social media altogether i have tried to use the feedback button system in my favor here, and it was quite useful at first, but i feel that i don't have more reasons to keep it here than to praise a false reputation for my image on the internet. i'm just a normal person doing my best, just like any other producer on any other website. i reflected a lot on this and people treating me differently because of numbers is not something that i value and i don't think is good for me or the visitors. the race for numbers and fame is not the kind of thing i'd be proud to encourage on my site ( or anywhere else, but unfortunately that's not always an option ).
i kept the numbers exposed despite not approving their overvaluation because i believed it could bring public ; maybe people could took me more seriously if i had big numbers ? maybe they could allow themselves to look at the site more easily if they saw this "seal of approval" from previous visitors ?
... but is it really worth blinding people with such superficial information and then saying it's not important ?
i have come to the conclusion that i must be an example and show that appreciation of numbers is not healthy or productive.
i felt free from this race for numbers as i moved away from social media, and i discovered over time that frequent visitors of my site are not here either by the numbers, but by the content, just as they are on other interesting sites and blogs of the internet. it definitely warms my heart to know that neatly my work honestly attracts so many people ♡
so, i removed the feedback buttons from all the pages of the site ( except, of course, from the archives ) and made some changes to the layouts ( because i'm inspired ). i removed the hit counter from the index, although i still know how many ips visits my site, this is more for technical information. i'm going to increase the frequency with which the chat is open, so i decided to keep only one of them, moving the messages and smilies from the look book chat to the main chat, so i can have more control over it. consider these changes as a purification, it's extremely invigorating to be free of ego needs and social fears ~
i hope hiding the numbers and keeping the written feedback in evidence is more productive for me and for you ! i wish from the bottom of my heart that you participate more avidly in this site, and not in the form of numbers, but as wonderful and real angels, which is what you are to me. ♡
( remembering that i love exchanging long emails and letters, so be sure to get in touch with me at letters@middlepot.com if you want to talk to me )

edit // i'm little by little getting more and more clean of the "numbers", and it's making me feel really good and refreshed.. !
now i officially got rid of all of my social media with big follower numbers. yes, i did my best there, i spent time and effort posting content, but now it's time to refresh things.
i was just really tired of all of this.. random strangers following me just because of a random viral post, creeps messaging me, my accs turning to feel important and platforms treating it like nothing.. so stressful !!
i writed my reasons, and i honestly think these changes are an improvement for me and the quality of my content ♡
even if not using social media for posting personal content, it's still the best way to reach people and make friends. this is what i wanted, from the begin, and just now i'm being able to actually reach people's hearts !
the thing is,, my accs with lots of random people and artificial interactions were consuming my patience and time and i couldn't actually interact with others because it wasn't even safe to try approaching them ; people were also thinking i was distant and hard to approach. i want to have more time for healthy relationships and for myself.
now with my new accs i want to be more spontaneous and helpful to others, i want to make friends and approach people safely, i want to be able to interact with my friends and be there for everyone who needs me, i want to support people i admire and i want it to be soft !! i want my life to be softer, in general.
i'm happy to say that this is becoming reality ♡
i'm ironically being able to reach a higher number of people now than before, not with just cute stuff but my feelings too, and i believe it's because i'm doing better and being more sincere. i now can say i truly care about every single people that interact with my posts, because i can actually enter their accs and see they're trying their best too !!
this is what being "mutuals" means to me : to have our hearts connected by the same motivation and energies. even if i am not in fact "mutuals" with all my followers, i always look at their profile and check from time to time if they are active and if they are good people. i don't want ghost followers and people who never care about my content, i'm going to try to keep a proportion of followers and interactions as reasonable as possible from now on ! my large accounts always had infinitely less interactions than the number of followers, which means that obviously many of those accounts were inactive or people who didn't even care about who they're following. i don't want it anymore. i want real people, a comfortable and safe ambient for me and everyone ! the internet can be a place full of illusions. i believe the numbers are one of the most dangerous illusions.
i feel lighthearted now, and i'm being able to communicate with others better and doing what i wanted from the begin : reaching your hearts and soften your feelings !
i couldn't do it if my heart wasn't soft, right ?
i feel softer now.. i'm happy life made me see how artificial and unnecessary all these numbers are. i learned that real people are important ; kind and lovely people, who will be there. ♡
and i will be there, too ! even with the distance, i am here.

i hope i can inspire you to improve your internet life, too..
is it really healthy and safe for you, right now ?






 why can't i write about politics ?


 ( october . 18 . 2018 )

i'll be very brief :
i would like to make it clear that i don't like to give opinions on politics, economics or any subjects that i don't have proper knowledge to write about.
i know it is important, but i don't feel comfortable posting opinions on subjects that i have not studied properly, i hope you understand !!






 why do i use the word "loli" ?


 ( august . 24 . 2017 )

i feel it's very important to talk about the meanings of that word, and also of "nymph". it has become a taboo to use these words, and since ever, the lolita (ロリータ) fashion has been bothered by the other meanings of that word.
recently, things like "nymphet aesthetic" are popping up. where do these words come from ?
are these things connected ?

so, beginning with loli, which is the abbreviation for lolita :
it is impossible to know where the word lolita really came from. well before Nabokov, even Lewis Carrol already used that word.
some people say it's just a nickname for lola, and that's it. it's a name, indeed.
but not just a name, it has become a word full of meanings.
i was able to gather 3 main meanings for this word, which can clarify some things for you all :

 Ⅰ. loli/ta : a cute little girl, pure and innocent. this meaning has absolutely no sexual connotation. it's the meaning i use to describe adorable little girls. it's very probably the meaning that was the basis for lolita (ロリータ) fashion, although it is not intended for little girls, the silhouette is based on the clothes of little girls of the Victorian and Rococo eras, especially in some sub-styles, like the sweet loli.
 Ⅱ. loli/ta : a girl who looks younger than she really is, like a little girl, in appearance, or personality. this meaning was sometimes used in age regression and gave rise to a type of fashion related to age regression. however, despite being an adjective without sexual connotation, it is often used sexually in the pornographic industry and among kinksters. because of this, became a dangerous term and stopped being used in safe communities.
related to this meaning, there is also :
     lolicon / lolita complex : a person who is attracted to girls who look like little girls. obviously this is very questionable, but not necessarily linked to pedophilia. not yet.
 Ⅲ. loli/ta : a little girl, prepubescent or adolescent girl who is attractive and sexually responsive, sexually precocious. now, that meaning, is what really makes it all so dark. and related :
     lolicon / lolita complex : a person who is attracted to little girls. basically, a pedophile.

important : i don't know the origins of the word "shota", but it's the equivalent for boys, in all cases above.


now, the word nymph, which is the abbreviation for nymphet :

 Ⅰ. nymph/et : mythological creatures, close to the fairies. conceived of as beautiful maidens inhabiting the sea, rivers, woods, trees, mountains, meadows, and frequently mentioned as attending a superior deity. this meaning has no sexual connotation.
 Ⅱ. nymph/et : a beautiful or graceful young woman, a maiden, or a marriageable young woman.
 Ⅲ. nymph/et : an attractive and sexually mature young girl. due to the depiction of the mythological nymphs as females who mate with men or women freely and without care, the term is often related to women who are perceived as behaving similarly. related, there's the term nymphomania that was created by modern psychology as referring to a "desire to engage in human sexual behavior at a level high enough to be considered clinically significant", nymphomaniac being the person suffering from such a disorder. in this case, the term "faunlet" is the equivalent for boys.


so, as you can see, those words can be used without sexual connotation, but because of the other meanings, they become rather dangerous words. it is not safe to use them as tags for example, as they may attract bad people. you must be careful when using these terms, but it is possible, and it is not wrong. please, be careful !





 why am i so strict with where and how i post my content on the internet ?


 ( february . 19 . 2020 )

it's important for me keeping my content organized, avoiding reposting things all over the place and keeping my personal content in appropriate places. i'm trying my best to do so, but i used to do it purely for keeping the quality of my accounts, not wasting time reposting or make the mistake of oversharing, naturally ..
however, i stopped to think deeply about it and realized that the content we post on the internet really affects other people directly, and some things don't always have the positive effect that we would like to convey. i always post things with the intention of motivating and inspiring, as well as motivating myself to keep improving and to receive constructive criticism, but unfortunately negative effects can happen when people compare each other or idolize each other.
i seek genuineness and transparency with my words, and this avoids some bad impressions and consequently negative feelings. when we are sincere in referring to ourselves, it is very motivating to other people. if you don't empathize with others they won't consider you trustworthy and they won't embrace you wholeheartedly, they can certainly consider you a threat, develop a negative rivalry or even insecurity and envy. if you are narcissistic or self-deprecating, you'll do yourself harm and irritate, encouraging people to feel bad things about the success of others.
it is not possible to magically repair people's self-esteem, but it is possible to avoid worsening the situation and to strive to be a good example. if i can, i will !
i insist on sharing my ( imperfect but true ) journey with others who can identify and find some hope in my words. i want people to see what i produce and try to be productive too, i want people to get to know themselves and discover individual happiness. doing it properly can be a delicate process, i've made a lot of mistakes and i know i'm still making a few, but im happy if i can fix that little by little.
i'm sorry if i have ever demotivated someone for any reason, i will be extra careful with what i expose to make sure i'm posting things in appropriate places in the appropriate way, for people who are really going to make good use of it. thankfully i have been doing a good job with this recently, but i know i still have room to improve.. !






 why one is not better than the other ?


 ( december . 20 . 2017 )

i would like to talk about this subject that has bothered me a lot on the internet because people are saying very rude things about each other just like a chain of hate ; ;
this makes me very sad, and i feel that it's important spread positivity about it, although it is complicated to write about, i hope you understand my point.

( before starting, i would like to point out that in referring to boys and girls i mean the natural female and male sides of people, such as the sexes ! )

humans are animals, above all else. and animals are born boys or girls, to procreate and fulfill their roles in nature.
human beings are rational animals, so sometimes we are not satisfied with what we're born from. our heart is pure and knows what is best for us, and we must be happy to make others happy.
therefore, we can choose our role in nature ( and society, of course )
but there is something very bad that affects our choices of heart that would make us happy and good : people choose what they are, what they like, their way of living and their roles in society, based on what others think is cool !
this is an impure thought, for we should not change who we truly are only because "it's cool", we must be pure, be ourselves above all else.
there is some kind of odious fashion where it says girls should live with the goal of being better than boys, and vice versa.
and there is also another one that boys have built up today's society alone, and that girls have never helped at all.
this is a very toxic thought that affects our lives and society, we should not be against each other !!

boys and girls are no better than others, just different. biologically, we have some advantages and disadvantages over the other, but this is natural and there is nothing wrong.
we are like cake and pudding, there is no better or worse, just personal preference !
therefore, we can be who we really want, because our heart knows the right way.
a society works well and happy when everyone is pure, are themselves, and so can fulfill their roles in society, happy and comfortable with their lives !
the role of all people in society is to do good, to spread love and kindness, to bring education and health to others and to be happy. this can be done by all people when they are living stable and comfortable lives!
you don't have to have children or form a family for it, if you don't want to, even if nature has made your body for it. what matters is meeting and knowing who you really are. if you feel confused, you are not happy and you do not make others happy.
if you feel that getting married, having children and caring for the house would make you happy, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, of course !
even if your friends tell you that it would make you dependent and unhappy, does not mean it's true. economic independence is not really independence in life.
people seek a happy society for all through toxic thoughts of superiority. we must work together as a family ! when we are together, the advantages and disadvantages of being a boy or girl does not matter, as they can complement each other in solving problems !
we all have special abilities and unique talents. it may be difficult to find what we want to be and do in our lives, but it's very important that we do not follow the instincts or opinions of others, but the heart, which is who we certainly are.


i'm sorry if i wrote many things repeated, i hope you can understand !
i hope this has some good feeling for you, because the internet is full of people fighting over being better than the other and this makes me very upset ...






 why can't i show you my astrology chart ?


 ( january . 18 . 2018 )

i am very interested in astrology and any other "pseudoscience", as well as personality tests, i usually read a lot about it.
but i honestly don't like to talk about that kind of thing, not a little bit. the reason is that most of the time people think they can know everything about others from small information. this is obviously not true and makes me feel very uncomfortable and dissociated seeing people trying to know things about me without knowing me ! it's almost disrespectful, to be honest.
i will not go into other subjects, i will just talk about astrology here, which is a very good example :
astrology is something very complex. people have birth charts, there are signs for each planet, alignments, houses, many details to study.
astrologers study a lot to learn to correctly interpret and evaluate a birth chart, a very relevant example of how a chart can have diverse interpretations is that twins have identical birth charts, but may have completely different personalities.
each person manifests parts of the chart differently, there is no standard for this. people, even so, make very heavy conclusions about others from just a few details of a person's birth chart. i think this is just so wrong, indeed annoying !
for this reason, i do not like to talk about astrology or other similar subjects with almost anyone, i will not show you my birth chart here ever and i kindly ask you that please don't share stereotyped information about my solar sign with me, this makes me very sad.

i hope you understand my point !
i don't judge people who identify 100% with their solar signs and like this kind of stereotyped information, it just is not my case and i think it's bad that people don't respect it ..
please be kind to others !!






 what is beauty ?


 ( february . 15 . 2018 )

there's always a beauty competition between different people, races, species and even non-existencial things, and this is honestly so unhealthy !!
there's even a thing called 2.5D wich is "almost non-real pretty" people. i think the desire of being perfect is normal, but it's also dangerous.
people who know how to be beautiful in their best capacity, as healthy and captivating human beings, are really the ones who manage to be almost non-real, so you don't have to be artificial for it. if you try to be perfect you will fail because it's not possible. don't push the limits, just be yourself ! be the best version of yourself, the best you can be, always.
you can't compare yourself with things you'll never be, it's very unhealthy. everything has totally diferent kind of beauties. 2D characters for example are usually made to be pretty besides they usually are not realistic enough to have the details that normal people have, so it's natural that you wanna be like that too. but we are made by nature itself. everything in nature is different and beautiful in its own way, and so are you. we are part of the nature. you don't have to worry about it, at all, because you don't have to be the perfect pretty to be happy.
i think it's also very important to say that your body don't need to be pretty to keep you healthy and alive, and that's the more important thing ! beauty does not make you a good person, you have to work on it.
beauty exist in many ways, i know it may sound cliché, but the inner beauty will really make you more and more beautiful to everyone, including to yourself.
it's okay if you want to look at the mirror and be pleased, we like beautiful things. but it's not that hard. everyone have beauty parts to look at and feel happy. what people say it's pretty, it's not necessarily true for everyone. a good example is fashion, design and aesthetics : everyone have a different taste, even if it's more common to like some kind of clothes and aesthetics, maybe you like some things that are uncommon. it's the same thing, and that's why everything can be beautiful in some way ! you are beautiful in lots of ways, and if you don't believe it, just try to find things that make you happy about yourself and focus on that things !
there's a special beauty in everyone. you are unique, and the cute features you have are purely luck, that's super special ! also, you can be even prettier if you work on being a better person every day, a perfect version of what it's possible for you to be. for example, there are small things that automatically make us feel more beautiful sometimes ( as fashion and makeup ). the most important thing is to feel comfortable and keep healthy. be proud of your race, your species and your existence. be proud of being you !

please, think about it, because we usually forget some important points that would make us truly happier !!
be kind to yourself ♡






 how do i dress usually ?


 ( march . 15 . 2018 + november . 15 . 2018 )

since i was free to choose my clothes, i always tried to wear something otome kei, because it was my favorite accessible style, but at the end of the day i was just wearing oversized shirts and sweaters with skirts / shorts and high socks ; ;
( + bell choker + tiny bows at my hair )
pretty much boring, but i wasn't very good with fashion until my 16 at least. i did a lot of research to find a style that really fits me !

at the moment, i take inspirations from :

larme ( basically all of my handmade clothes ! rose marie seoir & axes femme are my main inspirations )
mori ( perfect for autumn and winter, i personally love to combine earthy tones with washed out pastel colors )
cult party ( lots of lace and delicate fabric with washed out pink, i love it so much )
lolita ( i don't have any coord yet so it's basically à la mode. classical-sweet is my fav substyle & angelic pretty is my fav brand )
himekaji ( i love delicate floral + lace .. liz lisa is my ult inspiration )

so, i know lolita since i was 13 and i study lolita since i was 16. but why i don't use it YET ?
i sincerely think that at this point i know how to coordinate, i don't think lolita is too hard, it just have many rules and you need a lot of study, help and research. as i said, i have been studying for many years, so i think i'm okay with lolita to make a good first outfit now.
um, i don't have many items that i can use with lolita right now, and i also know that i don't need lots of money to buy good lolita clothes. i have no problem with handmade and non-brand outfits, because i know it's very possible to have a super cute and high quality lolita outfit, full handmade. as you may know, i love handmade outfits and most of my clothes are handmade.
but about lolita, specificly .. i know it's dumb, but i have a big wish :
i need a full angelic pretty outfit.
and that's not because i'm insecure about non-brand clothes, i just love angelic pretty too much and i need my first outfit to be super special for me. i don't care if it's expensive or anything, i just think it would be perfect to have a classical-sweet outfit, super high quality and from my favorite brand.
because it's expensive, i'm waiting for money. it can be silly, but it's really really special to me to have my first outfit from angelic pretty.
also, i really want outfits from innocent world and baby, i really love those brands and i will feel complete when i start with lolita supporting them.
after that, i'll probably coordinate brand clothes with handmade clothes, i think i can do that, and i think it will be magical ! i can't wait ...


edit // i would like to write a little more about my fashion style. i've already written about the styles that inspire me and that i'm interested in, but i didn't specified about my aesthetic inspirations for clothes and accessories !
as you may already know by now, most of my things are handmade. i make practically all my accessories and my clothes are also customized by me or designed by me and made by my mom, who is a seamstress. practically everything i use is handmade, including handbags ( which are usually in the form of stuffed animals, because i think it's lovely ♡ ). i just don't work with shoes and hats, unfortunately ; ;
for that reason i felt it would be great to have a store where i could sell things that i do, and i want to increase the variety of items more and more, as well as reach more people selling overseas !!
but the point is : why do i make almost everything i use ?
well, it started because i had a lot of interest in japanese brands and importing it was expensive and it was not a very viable option, so i started to have an interest in customization and crafting, something i had before but not with fashion. my mom has been a seamstress for a long time, but i didn't have much fashion sense for designing my clothes, choosing the right fabrics and everything. it was a matter of time before i was completely into these things ♡ !
what most inspires my fashion style is obviously my main aesthetic, which involves comfort, nostalgia, femininity and delicacy ; these are the qualities that i always look for in my clothes and accessories.
you know that i really value purity, and i believe wearing clothes that represent our personality and feelings is important for it. i feel extremely happy and comfortable to see that my appearance corresponds with who i am. i always look for fabrics that are soft and delicate, feminine accessories, delicate lace and ribbons, cute little animals on everything !! soft colors and a little "faded" tones are my favorite because they refer me to old stuffies, those that are super special, that you love so much and have great memories about.. i love cute & cozy motifs in general, but i also like motifs that match the weather because they usually help me feel refreshed when it's hot outside, and warm when it's cold.
i believe the secret to finding the perfect style for you is just to find your favorite aesthetics and what best represents your personality ! the essential thing here is to respect your comfort and to have self knowledge. i would say that the more you have sharp eyes to find potential beauty in things, the simpler it becomes to have a style that perfectly represents you, so it's really a matter of practice. i super recommend to practice saving beautiful images that inspire you and making collages with them, it's a lot of fun ♡ !!
the places that most inspire me for fashion are aesthetics blogs on tumblr, collage videos ( i have many in my asmr playlist, which by the way is very visually consistent ), and i always used polyvore for the look ideas, but since it no longer exists, i just make the collages in photoshop. i fortunately always saved the pictures of the items, so i have many in a folder here ( if i find good alternatives to polyvore i promise i'll let you know ). if you like dress up games, i would say they are also very good inspirations : my first one was poupée girl ( which no longer exists, but i have lots of images on the gaming page ), but cocoppa play is also really good and is still active !
of course you can vary your style within your aesthetics whenever you want, and it's something i've been trying a lot recently, but it just depends on how comfortable you feel at the moment with those clothes. according to the day, the weather and the situation, you can suddenly feel in a mood to try a very different style !!






 is sex impure ?


 ( april . 05 . 2018 )

the sexualization is a very controversial subject. it can be seen as horrible, beautiful, okay, or even as an art form. it can be beautiful, but it can also be dangerous. there is a fine line between healthy and unhealthy sexuality, which causes people to be often completely in favor or against. i think there are big limits to it.
sexual content and pornography is very dangerous because often this industry involves people being harmed and abused, and make sex seem vulgar and casual. this becomes an addiction and is totally wrong, it ruins you, makes you have a lot of problems and mess up your whole life !!
this goes a long way from kinks and different forms of sexuality, it's about self-respect, safety, happiness, purity and health.
i personally consider that people who are involved with pornography and prostitution ( even on the internet ) are often source of many problems, for themselves and for many others ( even children ) and i totally do not support this industry. i am not exactly against drawings and animations, for they are not real people ( when it comes especially to art, i support quite as well as artistic nudity in any case ). but, this type of content still has moral limits and should be reserved for adults, always.
puberty is the time when we should be very careful about sexuality, because it is not the moment to do it, but it's natural to be curious and very important to be educated about it. repressed sexuality is often degenerate. many children at puberty become hypersexualized and even not having sex, come very close to it several times and with several different people. they can often develop weird kinks and even support pedophilia. they get hurt and traumatized for a lifetime, even hurting other people in the process.

the excessive sexualization can bring hypersexualization to people, which is very dangerous for their lives.
the sex itself is not impure, since we're animals and it's healthy and natural to have sexuality.
but sex is not only for having babies but also for pleasure. this is when it gets dangerous.
using food as an example : there are delicious foods that are healthy and some that are bad for our bodies and even if food is essential for our survival, consuming too much food can destroy our lives. everything has limits.
hypersexuality can lead to need for casual sex, and it is always a problem because the more you do, the more you want to do. this in addition to being able to bring diseases, is dangerous, not healthy and bad for your mind.
this is a major problem of early sexuality, since children do not have a safe way to have sex. it's always wrong, harmful and traumatic for them.
it's very super important that sexuality be brought in a healthy way to make everyone happy. treating it as wrong and dirty does not help in this process !!
the right sex would be not necessarily to make babies, but the one we do healthfully often and only with people we trust. the sex with whom we love is infinitely better and makes you and the other person happy. it doesn't hurt anyone, it doesn't make you sad, it's pure, safe and comfortable. makes you feel loved. there is no way to be something bad !

so take care of yourselves, please, it will do miracles to your mental health. i promise.
i really hope my words are easy to understand !






 what is purity & innocence ?


 ( may . 04 . 2018 )

i would like to talk about these two adjectives that are so confusing to people : pure & innocent.
these are actually extremely important things, but are treated as something far, almost impossible to achieve. and that's not true, because it's something we can all go back to.
to explain it better, let's define purity and innocence :
purity, as i have already commented in other posts, is something that you are when you're being yourself. when you act naturally and follow your heart, when you do not listen to what others think is good for you, but what your heart says is best for you. your heart wants you to have a clear conscience, want you to stay safe and healthy, wants you to be happy. it's not always the easiest path, but it's always the right one, the pure one. purity is literally not be contaminated by external influences. it's hard because we live in society and we need to please others, but it doesn't mean that you need to change who you are ( not even a little bit ) to be a nice person, and be happy.
innocence is something that people often confuse with ignorance. when you don't know things by choice, you are being ignorant, which is a bad quality. innocence is when you see the world in a beautiful way, when you believe in your dreams, believe things can get better, do not judge others before you know, when even after being bitten by a dog, do not you think all dogs are evil. so, innocence is more linked to positivity, it's a quality of being radiant and full of love, even having gone through difficult things, or not. of course it's easier to be positive when you don't have traumas to deal with, but that's not the point. it is possible, and it is necessary for you to be happy !
children are pure and innocent because they have not been "contaminated" by society's pressure to be different from who they really are, to give up their dreams, to think the world and people are bad and it's always getting worse. this is not right and it's not true. it's a super toxic thought.
other ( nonhuman ) animals are like children forever, for at least none of them still live in society like humans. society itself is not a problem, but people just don't have the maturity to deal with it in a healthy way. it's something that people should educate themselves and educate their children so that we can all be happier !!
never think that you have no hope, that you are dirty or rotten, that your dreams can't come true, that magic doesn't exist. erase it forever from your life !!! learning to evaluating your behavior and the way you see the world is very important to becoming a better and more satisfied person. believe in your dreams, make the little you from the past proud of who you became today ♡ !






 what changes have happened in my social media ?


 ( june . 01 . 2018 + january . 30 . 2019 )

   𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚜 _
i decided to change my fb pages content for twitter, i'll paste the text i've writed about it :
i know this is sudden, but i'll stop using facebook as of today ( january . 30 . 2018 )
i wanna keep posting the same kind of content : cute + comfy aesthetics and promote artists i admire ; and it'll be easier to include all the sources and i'll not have to repost things often like here. i want this new acc to be clear and safe for everyone, so i know this is going to be an improvement ♡
i also have a tumblr, where i post the same content, so please follow !
i post almost daily on my fb pages for almost 5 years and i've always loved doing it, but lately it's become nothing more than stress .. i don't even use this site since 2016, i just login here because of the pages.
facebook always hated me and always tried to discourage me from posting, but this time it directly deleted 7 random posts in a row ; pics of animals, food and clothing, reported for nudity. facebook gave me no alternative but to delete them. it's a miracle my profile is still here and able to post, because the same situation has happened before so i know i don't have much time.. !
i know that sooner or later facebook will delete my pages, since it already no longer allows me to post things freely and it causes me many problems. my posts reach a ridiculous number of people and this has been a problem, too. the number of followers i have here doesn't make any difference at the end of the day !!
so i decided to continue this project on twitter and tumblr only.
i'm really sorry if you don't use twitter or tumblr.. i really wish i could continue here but things are getting worse every day, i need to change things ; ;

   𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚖 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚖𝚜 _
i decided to clean it completely.. i made a new acc where i post self care tips and games, mainly for helping mutuals. i did it because i was feeling really uncomfortable about all the random people following me and stalking, i want to interact with my friends safely !!






 why can't i do live performances ?


 ( june . 15 . 2018 )

i have been asked a few times to make lives here on the internet, but it's not so often, the most common is that people ask me to do things personally, publicly.
for example, i studied cello for a few years in a music conservatory. i had no problems playing cello for one person, but i was always invited to try to participate in concerts. i never wanted this, but i felt bad because it was something that everyone expected of me, "for my evolution". why couldn't i evolve without hundreds of people staring at me ?
when i was a child i was always asked if i would like to be a model, but i always denied it because i didn't like the idea, i was never the kind of person who liked to receive attention from many people. i always felt suffocated and uncomfortable in being in the presence of many people, especially when they were all looking at me.. very horrible for me, really.
i even denied taking ballet classes as a child because i was afraid to participate in live performances. i knew i would be obligated, i didn't want that. however, i wanted to dance, so i ended up training alone at home and ended up enjuring my foot because of excessive exertion on the fingers. maybe i can never dance ballet because of it. i could have taken classes right, but they didn't give me the opportunity. they only talked about "when i would dance on a stage". i know no one wanted my bad, but it still hurts.
at school and college i was forced to present projects in front of the whole class, it is common to do this at school. this has always been very traumatic for me, although i always strive to be all right. i went through bad times with these uncomfortable situations, i tried to force myself to change and feel confident, but that was not really the problem. even when i did everything perfectly right, i was not nervous, i didn't say anything wrong... i never felt victorious. it has never been pleasant to "overcome" this, because i have never overcomed, my personality is not something overcomable. even when they applauded me and said that i did very well, i always felt that it was not right and that i was forcing myself being something that i was not.
i don't want to have to pretend and force myself to do things that don't give me pleasure because people think it's important and that "i'm going to get over it". i don't like doing anything with several people staring at me. i don't like being in the presence of many people and i don't like receiving attention from many people at the same time. is suffocating. i'm not insecure about what i do, i'm not afraid of failure, i'm not afraid of criticism, it's just uncomfortable.
i always like to record and post things that i do to receive constructive opinions and criticisms for my improvement. i like people to see my things. i just do not want to be something that i'm not, please.
i admire the work of people who perform live performances and concerts with skill and confidence, but i'm not a weak person or inferior to them for not liking doing these things. i was born that way and it's not something i want to change, at all. it never got in the way of developing what i wanted to do.
i hope you understand this, i really wish i could continue to share content with you without feeling the pressure of living bad experiences. i made mistakes that i regret a lot, trying to change who i am, this is impure.






 can i be quite honest ?


 ( july . 01 . 2018 )

i would like to vent some things because i receive several messages and i know that although i am not of great influence, i still have responsibility with people who expect things from me and see me as an example in any aspect. it's natural that you overestimate me, since i'm on the internet and just post my best ; but it's important that i be modest & honest enough with you so this is not a problem and make you have the wrong idea about me ///
everything i'll write here i hope you also remember when observing other people :
i usually say my personal opinion on these q&a texts. this is important to note, because although i always hope to be helping someone to think about these issues, i never expect you to agree with what i say or assume as correct. is my opinion, my point of view, the way i thought to get where i am today. tomorrow i can change, and i hope so. if i change, i will tell you my new thoughts. you may have a completely different view of the things i write here and be happy in your own way, but at least for me it is always good to see other people's sincere opinions to refine mine. read my texts as an external opinion, think carefully about it and think about your own opinions.
i am not perfect. that's obvious, but people tend to think girls on the internet are perfect. i can say that i always do my best and i work hard every day for this. i'm not super talented in most of the things i do and so i'm always studying and practicing. i post the best i do, even if not super good or important things, because i like to receive criticism. it helps me a lot to improve ! my own opinion can help me, since i'm a perfectionist, but sometimes we're just tired and let it go, you know. i can say that i am today the best and most perfect that i could be, within my experiences and reality. tomorrow i'll be better, and so on. if i have to be an example to someone, i want to be an example of motivation, because you should never copy others and try to be like them, you have to be yourselves and the best you can be in this way !
i would also like to talk about my appearance, even though i rarely post pictures of myself, this is a serious topic, since the biggest negative influence that internet girls give others is their perfect ( super edited ) photos and the lack of integrity in saying they are not perfect in real life...
so, about me, being quite honest, i think i am pretty. other people have always said that i am pretty, but that doesn't seem true until i clear my mind ; i like almost everything about my appearance, what took time to happen, since i have my insecurities as well. i still have some things about myself that i would like to improve, and i intend to do so in the future. although i take great care of my skin, it is very sensitive and i usually have allergies from time to time, so i have some spots that i could not repair on my own. there are procedures to help with this, but they are a little expensive, so at the moment i just accepted, these are marks of difficulties that my skin has gone through, that's okay. and i'm very lucky because all the skin that is exposed, like my face, has no marks, so it's something that only those who know me more intimately have already seen ; ;
obviously, anyway, my skin may look like porcelain in the pictures, but in real life it's normal skin, i have pores, you know.. i take care of it a lot and i have to clean and moisturize every day to keep it nice, just like everyone else ! i do not wear makeup often and i always use sunscreen, so i think this helps a lot. i can talk more about skin care in another post, as well as about makeup i use.
my pictures are pretty blurry and have filters, not only because my camera is really bad, but also because i like to make the pictures a little blurry to soften everything and to use filters to adjust the lighting. i do it with all the pictures, not just those of my face, if you notice. when i have a better camera, i can try to take more natural pictures, i would like to try !
last, but not less important, numbers : numbers are not something you should ever take as a basis for success, numbers are extremely inconsistent and are not always real people. even the numbers you can see on my website may seem like a big deal, but they are not consistent as well, since they count the same ips over and over again. and this a problem that exists even on large websites, or do you really think millions, billions of people watched the same video as you ? then, you should only consider real people, always. and a large amount of public is not always something to be proud of, since many people who are not good, lie a lot & are toxic, have many fans. always think of those people who send you sincere, truthful messages that not only praise you but also want you to improve as a person. these messages are what i always consider important and i love receiving them ! i get sad about receiving rude messages, especially when they don't make sense, but even some rude messages can help me mature and improve. i always ask people to be kind to each other, but if i made you angry for any reason, do not hesitate to tell me the reasons, because i don't want to hurt anyone, i am always open to improving and learning new things. i'm no better than neither of you, i'm just better than myself every passing day. we're all here to help each other, not to act superior !!
never support people who make you intentionally feel inferior and less capable than them, who make you feel ugly and useless. you can always be a great person, smart, mature, beautiful, you have the right to have hobbies ( even if you're not so talented right now ) ; you can be perfect, within your reality. your personality may not be 100% ideal, but you're sure to find the balance so this will not get in the way of you improving and being a good person. be pure, be yourself, always ♡
( oh, and, it's okay to feel sad and negative sometimes, making mistakes is normal, we just have to work hard not to keep it that way )






 am i cruelty-free but not vegan ?


 ( july . 18 . 2018 )

because of some things i've said before, people ask me about this : i'm not vegan, but i'm trying my best to be 100% cruelty-free !
veganism is not just about diet but also about products and lifestyle. i am completely in favor of using only cruelty-free products, which are not tested on animals, anything that is not natural and causes suffering is something i completely repudiate. having a healthy and natural lifestyle is something that i try hard to have ! well, i support all that part of veganism about being cruelty-free, but not the part of the diet. it's something very personal, so please don't take it as a criticism, it's just what i believe.
i'll start with the meat : i don't think eating meat is anything wrong, cruel or bad to do. it's a natural part of life and i see no problems about killing to feed. obviously, this goes a long way, since humans are not necessarily carnivorous, and we also have the rationality to avoid such things, but meat was ( and still is ) a very important part of the diet of most humans. not all people can really avoid the meat and replace it, it's very cultural and complicated. my biggest problem with meat is the cruelty involved in the process, animals that are bred only to die and live miserably, it makes me very sad and angry. a second problem are the hormones given to the animals so they grow up faster, it's extremely bizarre and disgusting, it does SO bad for the health of anyone !! for these reasons, i am seeking to limit myself to just eating meat from animals that have been properly reared, with a healthy, natural life, as was formerly the case. this is hard to find and also very expensive, but like i said, we do not need meat to survive anymore, so i think it's very plausible. i just can't eat meat from tortured animals like it was normal.
now, about milk and milk products in general, there is a big controversy about whether milk is bad or good for people's health. milk is obviously the most important food for a baby, but that is breast milk. the milk of other animals is not really needed for us, but if eaten properly, it can be very healthy. the milk can not be consumed in large quantities, but i don't think that it does bad unless you have some intolerance or allergy ( which is quite common, but not everyone has ). for me, the biggest problem about milk is how animals are treated horribly and full of hormones, same problems as meat. so i have to really do a lot of research to find good sources.
about eggs, it's a very important part of the human diet since ever, but of course, it can be replaced. however i have no problems with eggs, just with the treatment of animals, just like the above cases, i look for good sources.
commenting briefly, wearing fur and animal hide is horrible when they kill animals only for the luxury of vain humans. the skin and leather removed from animals that were killed for food is not something i see problem ( although i have problem with rearing animals in most cases, as i said earlier ). the skin of animals that died in natural ways is something i have nothing against !
finally, i want to comment on honey, which is somewhat controversial among people who adhere to veganism. i am not against honey or beekeeping, bees do not suffer in the process, it's quite the contrary, they live much better by having humans protecting them. they produce much more honey than they need, and using this extra honey is not wrong. the problem with beekeeping is that it should not be done all over the world, and it is. honeybees should not be living all over the world, but humans carried them everywhere, just for convenience. typical ignorant selfishness. the problem still is not for the bees but for other animals, other pollinators are extremely harmed by having their habitat invaded by bees that should not be there. different types of bees are natural from specific places. i support the breeding of bees in their proper habitats ( in reasonable quantities, obviously, the overpopulation of bees is not good anywhere ). this is not so difficult to find, since you can know the source of the honey you buy. depending on where you live, if it's one of the appropriate places, there may be local creators you can support ! research is the key for a good lifestyle.






 how important is money ?


 ( july . 27 . 2018 )

i think it's really important to write about it because it's something that has disturbed me all my life and i've always kept quiet about it because no one would take it seriously anyway.
people live by money, they act as if money is everything in life. even if they pretend they don't, they always think of money in the first place ( of course, until they have real problems in their lives and money doesn't help ).
ever since i was little i have always been bothered by the importance that all adults gives to money, but they have always told me " you will understand when you grow up ". well, i grew up, and reflecting a lot on what i want to do with my life, i definitely know that i do not want to live looking for money until my death.
how important is money to our lives ? to begin with, we are living beings, so we must survive in the first place. to survive, we need food, water, shelter, medicine, cleaning products, clothes... nowadays it is also quite necessary to have electricity.
secondly, we need to be happy, of course, because we have feelings and we think a lot about things, so we need to feel satisfied ! i believe that to be happy is a very personal thing, but in general we need to have peace in our hearts. this is not bought for money, of course. we need to feel comfortable and complete, the pursuit of this is different for each person. in general, we want the presence of people we love in our lives, and this may need money, but not so much, usually the longing is caused more by the lack of time or health of people. some people seek happiness through material goods, which may indeed be quite amusing, but should never be treated as essential because it is not. never. it's the silly, futile thing to expect to be happy, to be sad for the lack of material goods is totally meaningless if you think about it.
sure, then to be happy it's not necessary to have much money but rather own knowledge and inner peace ; but we need money to survive. of course you can't just run away from money if you were born into society. if you live in a big city, you need to pay bills to have water, shelter and electricity, you need to go to the market to buy food and cleaning products, you have to spend money on medicines and hospitals, you have to buy clothes ! well, it is possible to avoid much of this if you live in the countryside and can have water and food and even produce electricity, because we are intelligent human beings and we have nature in our favor, with effort we can enjoy it a lot. but you will still need money for other things.
i know what i'm writing are obvious things, but people don't usually think about them, which makes them very confused about life and how money should be used and what it really is for. it exists to be exchanged for important things that we can not produce alone, that we need the help of other people. we can't do everything on our own, and so humans live collectively, to help each other and to fulfill our needs, so we can survive much longer and have time to be happy. or so it should be, of course. things go wrong when people forget what is important to them and what they want and like to do. people can not be happy because they think only of money and what they have been taught to do.
to make money we need to help other people by doing something they want to pay for. there are many options for this, some are more stable and some less stable. there are many reasons for this, i do not know much about economics, politics or anything like that, but in my view one of the reasons is because some forms of work are extremely indirect, you are not helping anyone really, maybe even being a nuisance. this makes your job a bit pointless, so it's easily disposable and replaceable. people think of this part ( the job ) as super important to their lives and ironically treat it in the worst possible way : they think about what can make more money, neither what makes them happy nor other people happy. money should never be the focus of your life, since this job will be something that will occupy a good part of your life and should be something that helps other people, it should be something pleasurable, rewarding. you can choose from endless options of jobs, why choose to be a slave to money or have a purposeless and unstable work ? i just can't understand.
obviously many things that we enjoy so so so much are things that are not so useful to others and do not give much money, so we call them hobbies. i would not recommend trying to make a hobbie-type your source of money to survive, as that would give you extreme instability in life and make you very frustrated not to have the work valued. some people can actually make it work, but to have the time and dedication to make it happen it is necessary to survive in that period. if you are supported by someone, you can do this, but it is indeed complicated. BUT it doesn't mean that you should stop with your hobbies or treat them as something small in any way, they are still important, just not your main job.
thinking about all these things made me define what i want to do with my life ( the answer was the simplest, since these are things i always wanted to do, i just needed to figure out if this would work, of course ) : i definitely do not want to be a slave to money, i will never think of money as something to give life and happiness. i just want to do things that i like and i'm proud to do. that doesn't mean it will be easy, i'm going to have a lot of work and i'm going to try hard to make it work, but with a bright smile on my face !
i want to live a little away from the city, because i want to plant and raise animals. i have several plans on this and i know it's rather complex, but i've been planning a lot for several years, since it's something i've always wanted to do since i was little. i can tell you the details about some things if you want, of course, only practice can teach me what this kind of life can offer me, but it's really what i want. and i never thought it was something that could give me money since i always grew up having my dreams devalued and being encouraged to work on boring things to have money. i'm glad i never took it seriously and i always followed my heart.
i already told you that i want to have a cafe, right ? so, this is part of the whole thing, since it also involves food. i believe that selling food in general is quite stable and will be extremely enjoyable to me. the part where the cafe is also a store, is the part where my hobbies are included, since i do not want to abandon them !
money, being something quite vague and used only to buy important things that help us survive and possibly have extra entertainment, is something that at the moment i am exclusively using with the intention of realizing my dreams and having a source of happy income and stability. in the future, i know that i will have money to also buy beautiful things and travel, but that will only be because i worked hard and made the right choices : i chose to follow my heart, to help people and to be happy.
do not choose to live for the money, do not be sad because of money, never !!!






 how to find your individuality ?


 ( august . 09 . 2018 )

i know that the pursuit of self-knowledge is something that never ends, but i, being young, realize that young people usually seek to be special in some way, seeking individuality. the thing is that we are all different and have individualities already, if you don't know which ones you can't enjoy this right, you can't be yourself and improve, so you just become artificial and sad. adults also don't usually know who they are, they just let it go, it makes them more and more faded, which is extremely sad. feeling dissociated and not knowing who you are is a bad feeling and should not be taken to life, so i will try to help you by saying how i managed to understand who i really am and my individuality, i hope it can help some of you too !
something that helped me a lot to understand who i am were the aesthetics. i know this is a very recent term and it may seem rather silly and superficial, but you can call it other things too, since it has always existed : style, spectrum, tendency, essence.. i like to call it aesthetics because i am quite visual, but you must understand that what i mean by that is the essence of who you are, represented through visuals, personality, lifestyle, passions and others.
we are very stimulated seeing beautiful and wonderful things everywhere, aesthetics that we want for ourselves. the problem is that we can not be all things, although we have different moods and personal tastes, there are limits to who we can be ; when you go beyond these limits you feel dissociated and uncomfortable. only you can know who you really are and when you're not being yourself, so you must first learn to understand your feelings and not be carried away by the desires of being someone different, you are perfect being who you are, people are beautiful and perfect in different ways ( and only when they are being themselves ).
you certainly have personal tastes and should not suppress them to fit into groups, your personal tastes help you a lot to understand your personal essence ( we don't really can choose to like things voluntarily, we just like it ). i discovered who i am separating my personal tastes : whenever i had to choose a color, a music, a food, a place, above all others, although i like lots of different things, i always had a specific preference , there was a clear pattern in these things, despite different moods. in this way, through experimentation, i was able to discover my favorite aesthetic. and i must say, you will not find yours coming from someone else, you will only find elements that will compose your personal aesthetic. aesthetics carry specific messages and feelings, so you must understand what you are looking for.
it may seem confusing, but for example, i started by just liking cute, delicate, and feminine things ; within that there may be infinite variations, so i sometimes felt confused and uncomfortable with some cute things that did not really match me. "but i like cute stuff, what's the problem ??" i thought. the problem is that i am me, i am a person, people are complex. i began to realize that i felt artificial when trying to adhere some elements that didn't represent me ( despite being visually alike, carried different feelings ). gradually i separated the elements and composed some aesthetics that i really liked and i felt comfortable about it, until i discovered my ult fav one.
i have a tip for you : always think about the adjectives that define things, these adjectives should complement and make sense to you, should be pleasant and make you feel good ( even the negative ones ). you must do this with all things, not just with visuals, since your essence is present in all the things that make up you.
by understanding who you are, it will be much easier to self improve, you will be able to have healthier relationships and help people, you will have better self esteem, you will better understand your personality ( and therefore take better care of yourself as you will understand your limits ), you will be able to find hobbies, to find out what you want to do with your life, you will be happier and will continue to be free to enjoy things that "don't fit" your main aesthetic, since this is also part of your individuality and should not be denied. as i always say here, you must always seek purity.
i would like to make it clear that you should think about yourself rather than what others feel about you or how other people "should" see you. only you can know yourself deeply and truthfully. people should see you as you really are, you must be yourself and you should not be a walking lie to please others, therefore you will not please anyone or even yourself ! lies are always bad.






 how to have a lovely presence ?


 ( august . 16 . 2018 )

have you ever seen people who are so beautiful, kind and have a lovely aura that makes everyone feel comfortable and safe around ? it seems like a rare and precious personality trait, like this person knows nothing bad and lives in a beautiful and different reality.
in fact, i have learned over time that this is a skill to be acquired with maturity. bad experiences don't influence who you really are and shouldn't make you have a heavy and sad aura. bad experiences happen for you to mature and to be able to avoid them in the future, as well as helping other people in a similar situation ; traumas are not part of you, all bad things you've been through, you've seen or just know that exist, none of that is part of you and none of that represents your reality.
you should never become ignorant, keep yourself informed of the world situation and mold your opinions is very important to live healthy and safe ! however, it is extremely important to keep yourself pure despite all this. purity will give you a different aura and will make your reality, in fact, beautiful.
don't let bad thoughts and memories affect you continuously ; boring and ugly things are a part of life and you really should deal with them properly and don't ignore them, but you should not make them a personal problem. on daily basis you should forget everything bad and only think of beautiful and pleasant things that you live, lived and would like to live : daydream, watch the sky, pick flowers, write love letters, wear perfume, put on pajamas all day, wear your favorite dress casually ! life has many opportunities for you to make it beautiful and create good memories for you to keep and share with others.
surround yourself with beautiful things, embellish ugly things you don't like to look at, cherish people who love you & move away from people who are toxic to you. small details in your life can greatly help shaping your ability to be positive and emanate kindness and beauty ♡
remember : the kinder you are, the more beautiful you become ( and that includes being kind to yourself )






 why do i want to immigrate ?


 ( september . 06 . 2018 + november . 09 . 2018 )

this is a complex subject and currently controversial so i'll start by explaining my point of view before talking about my personal experience :
animals evolve over time to adapt to the places where they live, animals have always immigrated ( intentionally or unintentionally ) to the entire planet and this gives us the variety of species breeds we see today. with humans it was not different, our different races and physical types exist because we are animals that had to adapt evolving in the past, when this was very necessary ; not that it's no longer necessary since we continue in this process, but our small physical differences don't affect us in a very relevant way nowadays because we have been able to adapt our homes, clothes, food and everything necessary according to the local needs. this allows us to be able to survive anywhere in the world ( the more money, the more quality of life, if you choose a "difficult" place for you ).
because of this, i completely support immigration, even though humans ( like all other animals ) have a "proper" place in the world according to their races and physical type, we don't need to follow these adaptations as long as we have the technology needed for our quality of life. i support that people can live wherever they want, out of necessity or for fun, we are all free to come and go on planet earth since we can have comfort through our efforts as a rational species ( for this reason, there are also no problems in being mixed nowadays ).
my family and my descendants are made up of people from europe who came to brazil at a time when living there was very bad, while here was a wonderful and very comfortable place. it was the best choice for them at the time, and i don't think they did anything wrong because my family lived very well in the old days because of it. but a common problem especially in this type of drastic immigration ( from a completely different place to another ) is that future generations will find themselves in an increasingly worse situation of adaptation. my family doesn't have very good financial situation these days, and as i said earlier, if the place on earth is difficult for you to adapt, it takes more money to supply your needs.
currently, living in brazil is not good for me or my family, we are not comfortable in many ways. our food is good but the weather is really a nuisance for me, although i absolutely loving the blue sky and the birds that live on my roof and sing every morning all year long, loving my mother tongue, loving many local foods and fruits ( that i'll take with me wherever i live ); the summers are getting more and more uncomfortable. but this is the "small" personal reason why i want to go back to europe ; i really want to form a family and the violence in my country is really something frighteningly common, besides the fact that the country is also not economically well. these are many problems that used to exist when my great great grandparents suffered when they decided to live in brazil. i want to go back to europe to give my children a good life and to be happier ♡ !
fortunately, i can do that, and obviously i support that kind of attitude and i think immigration is great in many ways. they can cause problems for future generations, as it did for me, but this can be solved with more immigration and it is not something that has "ruined" my family or something, as some people often imagine ( ??? )
i like brazil as well as i like anywhere else in the world, it is a beautiful and special place and i have obviously a special affection for this place has been where i was born and lived until today, but europe is where i want to live now and i think it's a good choice for being my "home" location, biologically speaking.
besides, i would like to comment on other "immigration" details that relate to humans... i don't support raising animals or plants in very different places from their natural habitat unless it's done in a comfortable environment under carefully adaptation, and obviously without overloading the environment ( large-scale agriculture or animal breeding that are not locally appropriate affect the environment and are harmful to literally everyone, i utterly disapprove of these practices ).

edit // here is an additional text because i didn't really comment on the immigration issues about life in society.. i just wrote about causes of immigration. so to be a more complete text, i'll write some more important points !!

i think it is essential to emphasize that immigration, regardless of the cause, must obey some important rules. yes, i believe it is the right of everyone to come and go, because the planet belongs to us all ; but when it comes to living in another country we must respect our position as an immigrant.
we have the natural right to stay in our country where we were born, no matter what happens, but when we go to another country i believe that it is important to show us useful to that country. i am not really a patriot, but i respect the rules of society because this is essential for a healthy coexistence ! i believe that even if you don't agree with some things in the society where you live, you must respect it while you are in the territory of it. nature is really free for everyone, but if you are living in a society, built by people, you must do your part to help, right ?
so yes, immigration can be a problem for a country if the immigrants are just going to the country with no intention of being truly useful to that new place. i support the desire for immigration with all my heart and i believe that this must be respected, but the social rules are also very relevant and i don't support that someone simply demands things from a country if they don't respect it. if you are doing your best for society, you should certainly be welcome anywhere you want to live, it's just a matter of merit !!
i could leave here right now without any planning, but that would be something that goes against what i value. as much as i want to raise my family and fulfill my dreams all right now, i must strive to prepare everything and plan properly, so things will work much better and i will not cause problems or be a burden to anyone !
i just want to do my best because it makes me happy. ♡






 what's my religion ?


 ( october . 18 . 2018 )

this subject is not so questioned but some people are curious to know what religion i have, since i occasionally write things that seem kinda religious..
basically, i'm a paganist ! i do not consider myself anything more than that. i am a daughter of mother nature ; nature is my god and goddess, it's everything to me. nature guides me in all difficult times and has always helped me to make the right decisions, nature makes me feel at home wherever i am, it is because of her that i'm learning to see beauty in all things and to value the things that really matter and that make me happy. following my role in nature is my dream and guiding others to happiness & comfort is my passion ♡ !
i often thank nature for everything i am blessed to enjoy in the most unexpected moments. i make prayers to bring good energies to the ones i love. i feel a lot of motherhood in nature and so i usually refer to it in a feminine way, but nature also has paternity depending on the moment so referring in a masculine way can happen. i have always been very attached to nature and mythology has always been a very great interest, i have always believed from the bottom of my heart in magic and in the magical beings who secretly play their role in nature & i utterly love to make offerings for these beings who take care of me and of whom i love. i also greatly appreciate sympathies and rituals that bring good energies and help us connect with nature. i usually do these things from my heart, instinctively, so i'm not part of communities or specific religion within paganism, although reading about these things is something i absolutely love doing.
i always feel a very strong bond with fairies, angels and rabbits. i believe there are some particularities of my being that are the same as theirs, so i identify a lot even though i am a human. the role of the fairies in nature, the protective wings of the angels, the purity and maternity of the rabbits... these are virtues that i long for ♡ !
i believe in faith as much as in fate. in my view, both are forces that work in our lives. when fate is absolute and yet your faith goes beyond limits, that's how miracles happen. i believe that the destiny is something that has no relation to us and where is our luck, as long as faith is composed of energies that make up our essence ; so we can also mess up our luck with negative thoughts, it's important to be careful with our feelings.
i unhesitatingly believe in afterlifes, i don't have a clear vision of what it is, but i believe it is certainly something very fruitful for our soul, full of new opportunities ! i also believe in other types of lives simultaneously happening, in secret from us ( other realities and other worlds, like our dream world ).
lastly, i would like to comment that i believe that all religions and personal beliefs of each person are important and that if the person is being guided to be better each day, they are certainly following the right path. i accept with all my heart any prayer and good blessings that anyone sends me. i love feeling connected in peace with other people so i love all kinds of expressions of affection, religious or not ♡






 why do i like rules ?


 ( october . 25 . 2018 )

i once wrote about myself and my personality and i mentioned how i like to organize and improve myself, and how i like rules. as i always support the purity, happiness & comfort of people, why would i support rules being imposed to shape us ?
i know it can be confusing, but i actually think the rules, if handled correctly, can help us a lot to find out more about ourselves, and not shape ourselves to be something different, but the other way around.
social and behavioral rules can be very oppressive and force us to act in an uncomfortable way, to make us confused under the obligation to be accepted socially above being ourselves, and happy ; but by analyzing these kinds of rules and constantly questioning them, i could see that they actually made me realize who i really am ! by reading these rules and wondering if they really fit into my lifestyle and personality, i could see clearly what i wanted or not for my life. i could understand the principles and foundations of these rules, and where they "wanted us to go". usually social and behavioral rules have the general objective that you be a nice person and don't bother other people, and that is a good thing ; the problem is that these have very specific peculiarities that don't fit for anyone. all people feel uncomfortable and unhappy if they try to follow all these rules strictly because they don't fit everyone. in short, my solution to achieving a healthy life was to adapt these rules to my way !
i really like writing rules for myself and even having rules made for me, reading about all those rules and "good manners" that are supposed to make a "good person". i find it very productive and it helps me a lot to find myself individually rewriting these rules so that they still have their main good intention but in a way that is comfortable for me as a person. i can see how personally i could feel happy to follow some good, healthy rules as a way of reminders. i value a lot of rules that involve kindness, education and respect, as i believe that it is fundamental to have healthy relationships and it makes me happy ; it just happens that these rules are very "heavy" and try to change ourselves, but there are usually ways of interpreting and rewriting them that make them good and productive for our lives.
it is clear that some rules simply don't fit my life at all, and should be discarded. unfortunately, even striving to keep polite and sincere with people who question me about such "weird" attitudes that i choose for my life ( for example refusing to be in social events supposed to be important to my social life, but that doesn't make me happy ) people will still judge me negatively because i didn't obey "the rule". this is something we naturally suffer as a consequence of being truly honest and kind to ourselves, but it is also an important process in the pursuit of purity.
i really care about evaluating my behavior, in general. when we are busy with our tasks we may forget to take care of ourselves, so i believe it is very important to always stop from time to time and think "how am i feeling ?", "is my body feeling well ?". stop for drinking water, wash your face, eat a fruit, walking, adjusting the lighting... these simple things are primordial to maintain our physical and mental health. like this habit, when i'm interacting with other people i always evaluate my behavior to see if i'm expressing myself properly, if i'm being kind, sincere, if i'm being myself, if the conversation is being comfortable for me and the other person. this may seem maybe a little "obsessive", but if done in a healthy and natural way is very good and greatly improves our quality of life. all these "rules" are about doing my best and not letting myself get carried away by the things of life and forgetting about my health or being nice to people.
it's primordial not to expect other people's approval and social validation when defining your rules and lifestyle, but rather how you personally, from the heart, feel about it. of course, you will feel happy and satisfied in being a good person and not messing around, but it is completely different from pretending just to receive compliments, to feel included and correct. the most correct and valid you can be is yourself ♡

i know it's a little difficult to understand, but i hope i have explained it clearly !!






 why being cute & feminine is not a problem ?


 ( november . 08 . 2018 )

people have always had a problem with female stereotypes. there is pressure on the girls to be always cute, feminine and delicate. i totally disapprove of people trying to shape the personality of people for the purpose of making them "ideal" within stereotypes ; although girls and boys have hormones that bring tendencies in tastes, desires and looks, a person's sex has no relation to her personality, since that is something much deeper. i agree that girls and boys should not change their personality with the intention of feeling "fit" in society, since this behavior causes sadness, confusion, problems and unhealthy relationships.
but, in the search of freedom of aesthetics and mannerisms people began to always treat these feminine adjectives as if they were something inferior and undesirable. i have read countless times about how "being cute and delicate is desirable in society because they want women to be weak and controllable", and no, that's not a correct way to talk about it !!!
the cuteness, delicacy and elegance are feminine characteristics, and just like the masculine characteristics, are tendencies but not facts. a girl may have more masculine characteristics, and vice versa ; there is nothing wrong with that. in nature the feminine and the masculine work together and form all that exists of good ( and bad ), it's the balance of things. the personality of people is complex and there are no sex tendencies that change a person completely, so of course you should not change who you are because of that ; but wanting to reject your natural feminine qualities because you somehow think that male qualities are better, is a very serious problem. it is actually offensive to the female image.
makes me deeply sad as people speak as if being soft and delicate is a sign of weakness and inferiority when there is no connexion between these things. to say that being feminine is a bad thing and that we must fight not to appear feminine and delicate for not to be treated in a bad way is so extremely wrong !!
girls and boys in nature have strength, endurance and power equally, only represented in different ways. matriarchal and patriarchal societies are focused on these forces : motherhood & paternity. these are the most natural and pure in both, both take care of each other as family, both have different but equally important roles. the problem is that patriarchal society often makes it seem that the male strenght is desirable and important, that physical strength, dominance, and logical reasoning are the best, that emotional intelligence, kindness, and wisdom are weak. this is not true, because there is not one better than the other ( and i've written about this before ).
in fact, the female image is also very associated with beauty. this obviously doesn't mean that girls should be beautiful, but i would like to comment that this type of beauty is associated with health and youth, since it is something that is naturally bright and wonderful related to fertility. in this way, while healthy, pure and natural, feminine beauty is something that i appreciate a lot and that i also think should not be treated as objectification ; the real objectification is the plastic and artificial way the girls force themselves to be to have social approval.
so yes, if your personality have cuteness and femininity, it doesn't mean that you are inferior or childish. you should not be ashamed of it or try to become more masculine ( even if you are indeed a boy ). you must above all embrace your natural qualities and your personality traits as your strength and importance in society exist anyway and are great. you can have an even submissive personality, and that doesn't mean you don't have the right to be happy like that and have control over your life and your actions !
just remember that you deserve to be happy and respected, you are strong and lovely no matter how feminine or masculine you are, you can - and should - be purely yourself ♡






 why group behavior can be bad ?


 ( november . 08 . 2018 )

this recent subject about "npc" people is something that has been around for a long time, but with other names. i really think being a npc is a bad thing, but i'm seeing people using it as a baseless curse, i see people with clear group behavior using the term to get approved and feel superior to others. i believe that this whole thing can be very productive if seen and treated the right way, so i felt the need to write about it !
group behavior is basically what the idea of ​​being an npc is all about. it's about acting only in favor of the group, seeking approval from the group and always feel the need to be part of groups and overestimate this attitude as if it were something important. this is a purely instinctive and standard attitude of our species, so i believe it is natural and healthy to have group behavior during a phase of life, usually in adolescence, while we are still trying to perceive our individuality ( which has always been there, we have only forgotten who we are because puberty causes our hormones to take actions above who we really are, basically for the sake of the reproduction of the species ).
the problem of such attitudes is that they separate us from purity and consequently from happiness. as we are rational animals, group behavior, although natural and to make our brain release endorphins ( as instinctive approval ), makes us take actions that do not make us really happy. the pursuit of standards, mimic behavior, obeying rules that we don't really value, following trends that don't match our personality... all of this is extremely tiring and painful for us. the npc behavior is in fact something bad and that must be overcome, because although institive, is not ideal. you are not doing your best if you are acting as a group because you are an individual.
i see many people with npc behavior using this as offense because they relate specific things to "being an npc", such as using social media, having groups of friends, using slangs... but the thing is that group behavior is not something that it is necessarily shown through these attitudes, for a person can of their own volition want to have some of these attitudes, because it makes they happy. making the decision to have some natural, instinctive behavior as something that you truly value is an important and rational decision that is right for our ability. for example, i want to form a family, it's a group behavior and extremely instinctive : to live with my partner, to procreate, to take care of my group. but if i had made that decision only because it's the standard of our society, it could be sad for me and against my will as an individual ! i want to have a family because only the thought of it warms my heart and i know it is my pure wish.
the desire for stamina for group behavior can be replaced by other more useful and healthy attitudes such as helping others, striving for a cause that you truly value, giving gifts, giving compliments... the list goes on !
we don't have to obey our instincts, but they can guide us to important things if we are strong enough to make our own choices. ♡






 how do i make my layouts ?


 ( november . 15 . 2018 )

people who have an interest in web design often have doubts about how i made this site and all my html stuff. as you all know, i've made things in html for many years, and i make lots of original and random things all the time. html and css is really something i love ♡ !
i made this site, just like all my stuff in html, from scratch. i write everything in notepad and test in .html files, or in my html tester. i know there are several platforms nowadays that make things a lot easier, but i always did everything from scratch because it was how i decided to start with html, from the beginning i always thought : if i had total freedom with the codes and to put everything exactly where i want and as i wish ; it was perfect. it was what i wanted. dealing with platforms for web design has always irritated me a little, honestly ; ;
so, i don't have platforms to recommend, besides tumblr, because i use it and never had problems. but still, dealing with pure html is my preferred way of doing things. if you are going to make a website that is a blog or something, which will always need to be updated, using a platform would be really simpler to begin with ; but i recommend training html the old way because it helps a lot in learning ! if you really want to do things beautifully and freely, you have to lose the fear of dealing with pure codes.
web design obviously has a lot of aesthetic sense, but i've talked about aesthetics many times around here so i think this part is unnecessary... but still about visual, i really recommend you have folders of materials and graphics that can be useful. i have had several folders of materials since i was a kid, and i got all that content basically exploring the internet. blogs and websites of cute stuff are a bit rare nowadays, but on tumblr i always find it with a little effort !! the web.archive is also wonderful to find interesting sites. i have here on the site the recommended page where i have some sites & blog that can be useful for this.
now that you have several materials to do beautiful things, you need to deal with the code itself. i find html very easy, i learned to deal with it at 8, simply with small tutorials and mainly browsing other people's blogs. i know it may seem controversial but when it comes to html there is a lot that you can ( and should ) take reference to other people's codes because these are things that everyone can use and are not owned by someone specific. i honestly recommend that you always look at the source code of all the sites you are interested in understanding how they were made. after a little study you will understand how things work and will learn mostly from this practice. make sure you have a folder for codes ( you can just save it in txt files ) because you will always find things that are interesting and that you may want to use in the future ! when it comes to css and javascript ( style and script ) you can find some code that is original and can not be copied, but in this case you will certainly see a warning text. if you see no warning, you are free to try to use !
to practice, i recommend doing small projects like some pictures and texts on the screen, cute little random things that you have in mind... just let the imagination flow, think of things you'd like to do with the codes you've saved. if you really want to do layouts for a website or blog, i recommend starting with a base code. it's very bad copying the whole source code from someone's site to use as a base, but many people provide very useful base codes for you to have room for all things, it makes things very easy ! you just have to decide what you want to do exactly and look for codes for that sort of thing. you can find whole codes that are visually neutral for you to modify, or you can find only parts of what you want. you can put it all together smoothly. if you are using specific platforms, you will need base code to do what you want functionally within the platform, since these have rules of use and operation.
it's a lot of fun to add signatures and some codes that you specifically like in your base codes. seeing ideas being born is sure to be the biggest motivation for you, so please don't give up before you try !!!
i have a base code myself, i always use some similar css and i have a pretty cute ascii art signature at the beginning and end of all html pages. in fact, to be clear, i allow you to always look at the source code of this site and my stuff if you need inspiration or understand how i did things in it. you can use all the scripts and css, too. just don't copy everything ( especially visually ), of course, be original !
in the beginning, you may feel a little bit of tension in messing with the base code and ruining everything, but over time you will feel more comfortable. i took a lot of time to do things freely, remembering that i did my first layout at the age of 8, so although i managed to do pretty good things, i obviously had a long time to get to where i am today ///
it's normal that you don't understand anything that's going on for a long time, but don't worry about it, because the important thing is that things are working. you will understand how everything works with practice. now, when it comes to javascript, the thing really complicates. is much more "programming" than html and css, so you'll have to study harder if you want to make interesting scripts by yourself ; but you don't have to worry about it if programming is not your interest because you can find the scripts you need to do all sorts of things if you search right. it is still possible to make great things only with your interest in the visual side of web design ♡ !
good, now that you already have your inspirations, your materials & graphics folder, your useful codes folder, your base codes.. where to post your projects and studies ?
there are several sites where you can post things in html, but i use and recommend github. in it you can make a repository for every project you have and put the .html files there, you can change the domain and everything. about domains, github has its own domain for pages, but there are other sites where you can get cute and exclusive domains for you ! the site i use to get all my html stuff domains is freedns ( just be careful to choose only public domains ). by the way, you can also use those cute domains on tumblr.
to get ssl on your html pages, remember that all the links you have in your code must be "https", including images and scripts. thus, you will be able to get ssl easily on any platform you are using ! finding good websites ( with ssl ) to host your stuff to use in your codes can be difficult and time-consuming, but i have on the credits page all the sites i use to host each file type ! i recommend each of them, until the present moment.

i think that's all !! everything that i indicated here are things that i legitimately do and that work for me.
i hope from the bottom of my heart that i can help and inspire you ♡ !!!
please feel free to ask me something else that i may have forgotten to explain here ( which is not too specific, because this text is more general as a guide for beginners )






 what's my beauty care ?


 ( november . 15 . 2018 )

to begin, i would like to say that beauty is directly linked to good things about people. a kind person is certainly very beautiful, and i've talked about it before... but in a more visual way, i believe that the healthier and natural you look, the more beautiful, visually. if you keep artificial and unhealthy, it will be hard to feel comfortable in your body, and that is an important attribute for beauty. people who are just running away from their natural beauty have hard times with self-esteem, and that's sad.
i would like to help, so i'll give you beauty tips on what i value : health and comfort !

  ♡ skin care :
i have very sensitive skin, i have allergies frequently. this condition always makes me worry about the products i use. i always use natural products or baby products, these don't give me allergy and luckily are also great, i don't think i should be using any other type of product !
i think it is essential to keep the skin clean, hydrated and free of harsh chemicals. i always wash the skin with natural ( or baby ) soaps, which are very soft and don't take too much natural oil from the skin. my skin is not very oily so i worry about keeping the natural oils and using them to my advantage. i've never had problems with acne or blackheads, but i've always had whiteheads, what have helped me more than anything about them and also keeps my skin completely clean of any pollution are two things : honey and rose milk !
honey is truly amazing, the skin becomes incredibly soft, clean, with an incredible natural glow and it also helps a lot in recovering from any damage, since it has antibacterial and antimicrobial properties. i use honey on my skin frequently, i also use it + sugar to exfoliate from time to time. i always use in bruises and when my skin is having allergic reactions to avoid bigger problems and help in healthy recovery.
rose milk is basically rose water + baking soda and some other things, which make the rose water become milky in texture and color. this mixture cleans a lot from any pollution, it's amazing and i use it whenever i feel i need.
to moisturize i always use natural oils or baby oil. i always apply by massaging on the whole body, especially in areas with more fat, because this helps blood circulation and the skin gets more elasticity ( massaging the face is also very important ). my favorite oils are coconut oil and almond oil ! i think the combination of the two smells like honey, but everyone says it smells like vanilla. i love vanilla and honey, so i'm happy anyway ♡
despite my skin care routine ( with cleansing, exfoliation & hydration ) is only once a day, it's important to keep the skin clean and moisturized all day. during the winter my skin gets very dry, so i'm always moisturizing it, multiple times a day. during the summer my skin easily looks greasy, especially if i'm outside, so i always clean my face and hands with baby wipes ( washing only with fresh water is most appropriate but not always possible ) and use moisturizer. keeping the skin fresh is very important to avoid pollution and premature aging !
i can also recommend you to always wash your face with cold water ( your pores NEVER should be left open ), wear sunscreen every day, i recommend the most natural ones with coconut oil ( the sun is important and it is good to sunbathe in the morning, but the afternoon sun can be terribly bad for your skin + NEVER pose your face towards the sun ) and of course : drink lots of water ( two liters a day is the minimum ), this is really important !!

  ♡ hair care :
because of the sensitivity of my skin, i also use natural products or baby products in my hair, of course. since my hair is completely natural i don't need to worry so much about it, i use few products. my hair is very wavy and long. it is also not too oily just like my skin, so i also like to take advantage of the natural oils. i usually wash it three times a week in hot weather and twice in cold weather, i only use water and baby shampoo normally. no conditioner. why did i mention the water ? because it is very important, even if you have not thought about it, it's part of the cleaning process as well. i always wash my hair with plenty of water and rub well the root to spread the natural oils to the tips, only after i use a little shampoo to clean the excess oil, sweat and pollution. i feel that this process makes my hair much lighter and it gets very clean, soft and hydrated ! for extra hydration i always use natural oils, the same ones i use for the skin. washing with cold water is very important to prevent oiliness in the hair, i also always use cold dryer. always dry the root very well !
another thing that i think is very important is combing your hair with a wide wooden comb ( or a similar brush ). these combs keeps the hair very soft and hydrated up to the tips, plus they don't cause hair loss or frizz. to keep your hair always looking soft and moisturized from the root to the tips it's very important to brush your hair multiple times a day, especially if you are out there because the pollution gives it a greasy look that is not healthy.

  ♡ makeup :
um i almost don't wear makeup, so i surely don't have much experience to talk about it. i don't like to wear makeup because i feel my skin very weird.. i only use it on special occasions, even though it is always very light. i think wearing just a little makeup helps my skin stay healthy, anyway. it doesn't like many products.
i don't like wearing base or concealer, i just have bb cream in case there is something wrong that i want to cover.. usually there is nothing, i don't have so dark circles, i'm used to it, so i just let it be.
in my eyes my biggest problem is my eyelashes, you must have realized that they are very straight. i don't like that, so it's common for me to use eyelash curler and transparent mascara, just to keep them in place. i have brown eye pencils and eyeshadow for sometimes delineating, i like to keep it as natural as possible.
i don't do anything with my eyebrows, i don't really bother with them all natural.
i don't like bronzer, but i really like blush, i like it a lot. i also like highlighter, but i use it wisely ( i try ). i always get inspired in igari makeup and i struggle not to use too much blush and look like sunburned ; ;
on my lips i always moisturize constantly with natural oils ( my lips get dry often i hate it ), but i am truly an eternal lover of lip gloss and lip balm. i don't like lipsticks, though. i like to have my lips super moisturized and shiny, but not colored.
umm and sometimes i add a little tiny bit of white glitter on my cheeks, lips or eyelids ! i think it's very cute.

  ♡ nails :
i'm also not experienced with nail art, but i'll talk about my nails anyway. i think there are not many secrets to getting your nails healthy, i think proper nutrition and hydration are the most important thing. my nails grow very fast, just like my hair, i can't really tell the reasons because it was always like this.. but i can say i always keep them super moisturized with natural oils ( the same ones i use for the skin ), i moisturize them multiple times a day, whenever i wash my hands. it's very important to always keep your nails clean and moisturized, so i never forget the baby wipes and the moisturizer when i'm outside !
i always cut the cuticles ( not too much, just the excess ) and keep them clean. i used to paint my nails often and did nail art on them, but i stopped doing it because i just don't feel interested anymore. people always say that keeping nails painted is important to keep them strong but i can confirm that this is a myth, at least partially. when i always painted my nails and one day i didn't they were really weak, it's true ; but this is because they were already damaged by the use of nail polish. when i stopped using nail polish frequently, after a few months they became stronger, beautiful and healthier than ever before ! in this case, it depends on whether you want to use polish frequently or not.
i usually keep my nails very short and oval shape, but when i'm in the mood i let them a little longer and almond shape.

  ♡ tl ; dr :
if you always stay clean, moisturized and hydrated you will always be healthy and flawless from the beginning until the end of the day, which will definitely make your life a lot better !!






 why do i think the world is beautiful ?


 ( november . 29 . 2018 )

i want to urgently vent on this, it's so tiring to see people being bitter and negative, i just wanted to say : the world is not ugly.
the world is not a bad place, people are not horrible, life is not sad and tragic, no no no !!!
to begin with, the world is simply neutral. nature works in an extremely balanced way, everything is always in its proper place + bad and good things are equally necessary for everything to work well. it's impossible for a world to be good if only good things exist, i know it's confusing, but good and evil only exist if both exist. and this is something positive !
good experiences are better after bad moments of perseverance to achieve them. dreams are only dreams because they can't be realized right away. the fact that there are bad things and difficulties should be something that motivates you and makes the world interesting and beautiful, not the other way around ; ;
moreover, beauty is something very abstract in general. the world is not really ugly or beautiful, it's neutral because beauty depends on the eyes of the beholder. for example, you may very much like to eat a dish that looks disgusting but has a divine flavor. the "beauty" as we know is something visual, not that it's wrong, since i myself am an extremely visual person and always use this love for beauty to find out more about myself and the world, beautiful things make me feel happy and motivated, i love beauty ; but this is not so important in the world in general.
our sight is something sensitive and if you miss it, it's not as if all the beauty is gone. even if beauty is mostly visual, there is a lot more involved in this concept than we should consider as well. good things are always present in our lives : smells, tastes, sounds, textures... all this is as important as the visual. the beauty is in all this, so it is impossible not to have beauty in all things, no matter how "ugly" it may seem.
the world, life, nature, being perfectly neutral, allow us to take our paths and interpret things as we wish. i consider it healthy enough to be positive and see the usefulness and necessity of bad things as a motivational and educational way, and see good things as blessings to be enjoyed to the fullest, cherished and treasured as nostalgias. i consider the world a perfectly beautiful place because i want to be happy. like, why would i see the bad side of everything on purpose ? this doesn't make sense to me.
my desire is to mature enough to be happy and find beauty and importance in all sorts of things. it's not just a romanticization, it's a way of being able to enjoy life in a healthy and light way, to stay bright and pure no matter what bad experiences you have experienced.
the world is neutral but i consider it the most beautiful thing possible because it is purely perfect exactly as it is. ♡

to complete this subject, i think people are also very negative when they talk about their bodies... and i'm not even talking about visual insecurities about it, but people really underestimate their bodies. our physical body is not just a bunch of flesh and by chance we're stuck inside it, it makes me sad when people talk like that, it's so disrespectful ; ;
our physical body is much more than just where we live, it's an organism. our organism. and even being ours, we control almost nothing about it, have you ever thought of it ? our body digests food all by itself, our body absorbs the vitamins from sunlight all by itself, our body keeps the temperature stable by all by itself, our body heals bruises all by itself !!! this is so wonderful, our body does everything possible to keep us healthy, not just physically, but emotionally as well. our body even offers endorphins to make us feel rewarded when we have good attitudes and everything ( and these genuinely make us happy ). even if you have a terminal illness, your body will never give up trying to heal you, it will try to keep you as healthy as possible until the last second ! i know it's all instinctive and natural, not really an act of voluntary goodness ; but it's still positive, isn't it ♡ ?
i honestly feel my heart ache when i see people treating their bodies badly... our bodies are so good to us. yes, it fails sometimes, i myself have several skin allergies and for a long time blamed my body for it. my skin is too sensitive and has exaggerated and bad reactions to deal with things it doesn't approve of, but my skin is not conscious. it doesn't know that it's exaggerating, but it still does a great job and keeps me generally very healthy, so it would be unfair not to like it just because it's too sensitive ///
besides our body always doing its best to keep us safe, healthy and satisfied, it is an important part of nature. our body is much larger than we think, there are infinite other tiny living beings that live in our body! our body is not only good for us as it is for other living beings, and it protects all this "small" ecosystem of living things that is harmful and damages our balance.
it is very important that we take care of our physical body in the best possible way : eat properly, use your muscles, get enough sleep, drink water.. whatever you can do, because it is not only a container for your soul, but a part of nature. being organic can have disadvantages, but being part of nature and being such a complex organism is definitely very rewarding and an experience that we should value ♡ !!!






 how to really take care of yourself ?


 ( november . 29 . 2018 )

i've seen a lot of "self care" content lately, which is pretty good, but some of them are a very confusing or materialistic. i support all sorts of naturally healthy and satisfying tips for our relaxation and well-being ; but some tips are simply toxic, for they force us to do things and be in situations that might do us more harm than good ; ;
i've been feeling kinda sad over the last few days because i've discovered some bad things about people i had not noticed before.. i'm very happy, i'm satisfied with my life, i enjoy every day to the fullest and i try to observe the details and enjoy my time. i have routines and rules to follow that i consider healthy and i feel happy to follow because they bring me good things. i always try to be authentic and sincere, i don't like to pretend or seek approval from other people, i don't do anything that doesn't bring me joy and satisfaction. i give my best to help others in everything i can, and above all, to be happy. and i am happy. i have several life goals, but i'm happy at the moment too, because i live completely and honestly. i believe that i take good care of myself, since i feel happy, right ?
but i realized that people who are following standards for their lives, who are not honest with themselves, who seek happiness just in the future, in objects, in appearance, in relationships... people who are not happy, they can't accept that some people can be happy. truly happy. i realized that some people think i'm "weird" and antisocial, maybe even depressive, because i don't have a very active social life, because i don't maintain relationships with people who are toxic, because i don't force myself to do things that make me sad. i felt sad about it because i realized that it is impossible to "prove" to people that i really am happy and that i could even try to help them to be happier, too. they just don't believe me. they just keep "caring" about me and trying to help me ( ????? )
so after reading about these attitudes i was able to learn something crucial about self care : do nothing that is not comfortable for you.
i know that sometimes we need to make efforts to achieve our goals, but don't push yourself beyond the limit. if something you do is sincerely making you sad and making your life bad, don't do it.
it's hard because people are going to think bad things about you, especially if for being happy you need to isolate yourself a bit socially. i'm a very introverted person so for me it is sincerely very uncomfortable being in some situations, and i don't put myself into them, i refuse. i'm honest and i just hope people will respect me, but people don't respect that kind of choice because they think we have to constantly fight against ourselves to fit patterns and thus be happy.
a good example : your dream of full happiness is to live on a farm completely isolated from society. you accomplish this dream and you are more fully happy than you have ever been before !! people should be happy for you, right ? in fact, they will always tend to feel sorry for you and think that you are isolating yourself, depressingly. this is because they can't imagine themselves in the same situation as you as something good, it's not like they're being purposely inconvenient, they just don't understand. and that's why some self care tips are not always good or work for everyone ; everyone's happiness is found in different ways. we must respect this !
you will never be happy if you force yourself to do things that make you sad, if you keep on seeking incessantly for happiness, molding yourself to be the "rich", "healthy", "successful", "beautiful", "friendly" people think you need to be ; this is not how life works. there's no way you can fit into all these molds, it's an unobtainable ideal. being happy and taking good care of yourself is much simpler than it seems, it just involves being yourself and doing what you love ♡
fill your life with things that make you smile, that make you feel healthy and full. fill your life and your mind with your purity, your essence, you can be happy just being full. that is perfection. there is no better self care than being happy now and with what you have : you will be a much better, secure, kinder, wiser person ; you will be better for yourself and for others !!!
i know it may seem a bit vague, but it's just that : don't take self care tips "for your own good", even if it comes from people you love, if those tips don't make you happy. it's just not good or right.






 why are some ways of trauma coping harmful ?


 ( december . 13 . 2018 )

this subject is very specific but i feel i should express myself about it, since i see many people with weird and even disgusting kinks, aesthetics or artistic expressions, justifying it as a way of "coping trauma". i don't particularly think it's completely wrong, but very controversial and dangerous.
i follow some trauma blogs and i see many toxic people in this environment, as well as people who are harmed or treated bad for posting controversial stuff.
any kind of trauma or sensitivity to some bad, disgusting, dangerous, ugly subjects in general can become an obstacle in people's lives. no one wants to feel dirty or bad. it is natural trying to deal with such experiences or thoughts ; trying to romanticize, normalize, or even sexualizate. we want to see beauty and pleasure in ugly things so we don't feel rejection for them and for ourselves and our bad memories, but obviously we need to take responsibility for this type of action and specify the motives, inform people of the problems and risks and not treat as something cute and casual. it's not the kind of content you have the right to post anywhere or spread around the world, no matter how traumatized you are. you have NO RIGHT to bother other people with your confused and romanticized content.
people usually deal with this sort of thing in the form of art, aesthetics and even kinks, there are people who do ugly romanticized things to become their aesthetic and way of life as a way of coping with trauma. this is something natural and there is usually no intention to hurt someone, just to make things simpler ; the problem is that this kind of attitude should not be treated as something simple. people who do this kind of art, people who post on this kind of aesthetics, people who live such lives should not spread to the world what they do as if it were something beautiful and desirable. this type of content, which has "damaged innocence", are something very sensitive, that i support, because they have already helped me a lot, but within specific communities and treated properly, as something very delicate and dangerous.
if you're not aware of what you're doing you can put yourself in danger situations intentionally to try to confront your fears and this is not at all healthy or acceptable, depending on your condition. this is one side where self diagnosis can be dangerous because you really can't handle extreme things in an extreme way without having proper help, but i've already written about that subject. i've also commented about how kinks being treated as a cute and cool "aesthetic" and spread over the internet is a bad thing for influencing young people and being harmful to other people.
when i say that these processes of romanticizing helped me, it is true, it helped me a lot at a time that i was feeling very insecure and dirty because of my sometimes weird, dangerous and controversial desires. i was embarrassed to talk to anyone about it and this kind of romanticized content helped me a lot to understand that i was not a bad person by feeling what i felt, but more importantly, i was educated to know that even though it was "normal" it was not necessarily a right thing to do, or something to be proud of. so it has always been a secret and helped me to mature. over time, i could better understand what i felt and separate harmful things from healthy ones, and so be able to have a better lifestyle ( please don't ask me details about it, it makes me very uncomfortable /// ). it would be extremely hypocritical if i said that romanticizing is always bad, i just think that caution and instructions for such content are fundamental, to prevent this from being a bad influence and worsen people's mental health.
i don't think people really need to have gone through physical traumas to have the "right to coping", that's a very disrespectful opinion ; everyone has the right to overcome their fears and problems, the problem is that when you do it publicly and treat it as something soft and romantic, such as a "broken doll" or "fallen angel", other people are harmed because they will put themselves in danger intentionally and consequently end up traumatized as well.
finally, again, i confirm that i don't think it's wrong to romanticize things or even sexualize them if it makes you feel better, but it is something extremely personal and delicate that must be done with caution and with the notion that suffering is not nice. it may be poetically beautiful, interesting, but it's not something that anyone should desire as it's dangerous and harmful.
and anyway, i think it's good to consult professional help to know if you are coping in a healthy way because each person has particularities when dealing with this type of thing ! please stay safe ♡






 why is the internet overrated ?


 ( december . 13 . 2018 )

as you know, i am very involved with the "virtual world". the internet is part of my life and many of my works are digital. even so, i highly value the caution in creating a "virtual identity" just as i think it's sorely primordial to avoid spending too much time on the internet and overvalue the virtual world.
i learned over time that the virtual world may seem "perfect" and incredible, just as it very easily occupies our time ( often not free time ) and entertains us ; but it's also very limited, so it is not worth replacing your "real life" time.
the internet can be very useful for learning new things, interacting with people from all over the world, personal improving, and even for sorts of important jobs and hobbies, which is why i love the internet and value it. but the internet can only stimulate our sight and hearing, and we have five senses. only real life can stimulate all five senses and bring us full life experiences full of sensations and feelings !!
you can't eat freshly picked wild berries, you can't feel the scent of flowers, you can't pet a fluffy animal, you can't hug people you love over the internet. don't substitute your real time for the virtual, it's not worth it. the internet has many limitations, it is inferior in comparison.
and just as all experiences are much more intense and wonderful in real life, you too can only be as perfect and better as possible in real life. the virtual identity that we create exists to allow us to introduce others who are far from us, we can put together the best visuals we can offer and we can also publish works and receive reviews and feedback, we can learn and improve ; but you really are much more special with all the details. your image and voice are not all you have to offer, you in real life are a complete person and if you focus on improving yourself as a whole and not only superficially, you can enjoy the virtual world and the world real in the best way possible : beneficial, fun and above all, healthy ♡ !






 how can the girls' rivalry be good ?


 ( december . 20 . 2018 )

i always see people talking about the girls' rivalry very aggressively, as if girls hated and competed with each other all the time.. i've been thinking a lot about it because i've always seen rivalry in a positive way in my life, but it was not always positive. i think i've come up with an explanation about it that makes a lot of sense :
to begin with, girls naturally rival each other, differently than boys do. boys also compete, but usually in more objective situations, as in a specific competition or at a specific point to achieve a goal. this type of competition is what we see in games, for example. it's frustrating if you lose, but however mature enough to deal with, that's okay ; it's nothing personal. this type of competition happens between boys and girls alike, but it is not the same as female rivalry.
female rivalry is something very subjective, and that's exactly why it's so interesting, and productive. when girls compare themselves with others in an objective way, they feel sad and can feel envy, which is bad and destructive to self-esteem and relationships ; but this is just a wrong and immature way of dealing with female rivalry ! it doesn't have to be this way ; ;
i've suffered comparing myself directly to other girls, but i've learned that healthy rivalry is when you compare yourself subjectively. all girls tend to have life goals that are naturally very subjective, which even they can't perceive. it's those kinds of goals that you couldn't write exactly in a list and just take some steps to get there - in fact, you might never get there - and that's extremely motivating ♡ !!!
comparing yourself to other girls looking at them as inspirations and looking at their achievements as motivation is something that always makes me feel very happy and inspired to be a better girl as well. to be a better person. i feel extremely motivated when i meet a girl who has life goals similar to mine ( things like being a purer, gentler, wiser person ) and on the same level that i feel that i don't want to lose to her, i don't want to be behind her, i want to reach her !! just as i want to be free to follow my own path, not hers ; i want to be just as a good girl as she is, not to be exactly like her. i want to be myself, the best i can be. seeing other girls being the best they can be fills my heart with joy and i definitely consider them rivals ! i want them to get better every day, just like me ♡ !!
the rivalry between girls is something wonderful and incredible, not for compare us objectively, but subjectively.






 what is my role in life ?


 ( january . 22 . 2019 )

the meaning of things is usually something melancholy to think about, since although things all happen with a reason, these reasons are so vague and neutral that they don't satisfy us. things happen because they need to happen, but they can be painful and it's impossible to stop the pain. for example, we feel sad if we are lonely, but we also feel sad if we love people and they are gone ( and one day they will ). it's inevitable.
but i don't like to think of things in a pessimistic way, so i've always focused on something that i call "my role in life". this is what i must fulfill and that is what motivates me every day. it's something very simple, but at the same time so complicated.. to be happy.
nothing in life makes sense if you're not happy, but anything and everything becomes magical if you feel happy. it doesn't really matter if that was fate or not, if happiness is just chemical produced by your brain, because the feeling is magical and welcoming. all good feelings : excitement, comfort, satisfaction, passion.. all of them are the goals in our lives. if nature has given us such good feelings to encourage us to keep going, i believe that is what we should do.
i realized that to achieve my happiness i must have a pure heart, full of love.. i need innocence to enjoy all the wonderful little things of life in complitude. if i had been born in different living conditions, with another DNA, i certainly would not be the one i know today. i would not have learned or experienced the same things, so i would be someone else ; but that doesn't diminish for me the importance of purity. it's not about fitting into some pattern of pure and perfect angel, but rather embracing with all your heart all that your life has offered you until today and thereby forming your personality in the most positive way possible. every single person have purity, every one may be the best within one's own existence.
something that makes me truly happy is to be able to teach how to be the best version of yourself, spreading happiness, love and sharing everything i've learned to this day. although i can't reach many people, although i can't really interfere with their lives and make them happy, i do my best. i want to continue to the end of my life being as happy as i can and helping other people as much as i can, especially the ones i love.
some people will never learn to be happy, some people will never truly love. perhaps, the life given them did not bring enough information. maybe they just have a different way of seeing life. i believe it doesn't matter the way you see things, your personality or your appearance, for these are just consequences of your life, easily moldable. what matters is that inside your heart you can feel the warmth and magic that is love. if you love, you can become better, there is hope ♡ !






 how to care of the ego without letting it consume you ?


 ( march . 29 . 2019 )

the ego is all that you were not naturally, all that you have consumed and learned from life experiences. the ego is not necessarily bad, but it is definitely dangerous..
your ego is the cause of all your insecurities and social problems ; every time you feel dissociated or afraid of other people's opinion about you is because you're trying to make your ego stronger and protect it. the thing is .. you have nothing to be afraid of !
no one can actually stole who you are, even if you feel like you're similar to others in some way of trying to replicate others to become better, it's just your way of learning. it may be not the best way of improving, but it's what you have now, so it's important being patient with yourself !!
everything i've learned and got inspired by others is just what made me improve and mature, it's not a bad thing. i also believe that if i am inspiring others in a good way, it's a good thing !!
it would be impure if i was changing who i am, but i am in fact just polishing myself. i can feel what is artificial and what is not ; so i trust myself to get inspiration and improve with time and experiences.
i realize that overcoming this fear is really important, since it's really hurtful and hard to improve if i keep feeling afraid of trying new things, changing and not being approved by others.. !
i can clearly see when people are truly giving me useful and important criticism, and when they're just trying to make me sad because they're frustrated with themselves. i still feel afraid of making people feel frustrated, but it's inevitable. bad feelings are also part of life, and i feel blessed for being able to feel these things and keep learning from it !!
the ego keeps making me think that i should protect my individuality and my beliefs, that if someone dislike me it's because i'm making something wrong, they're trying to make me unmotivated.. and they're getting it .
this is really bad, i now can see that it's natural if i make mistakes, even if i'm not making mistakes someone will not agree with me, everyone interpret things differently. i just hope people keep growing up and learning.. and they are !
individuality is not something that can be stolen, your ego may seem artificial sometimes but if you keep your purity and just do things that you want from heart, everything is okay ♡
who you are is not just visuals, musical tastes, mannerisms .. you're actually really unique, since ever. no one is truly similar to you, at all ! maybe similar to your ego, but it keeps evolving anyways. it is important to be able to representate your personality through your ego, you can help others to understand themselves and feel really comfortable in your body if you learn to look and act how you think it's the best version of you. if you're not making up your ego for others but using it as a way of expressing yourself, it's healthy and valid !!
embrace your actual perfection, within your abilities and reality ♡♡
everyone is trying, and sometimes there will be mean people out there. you're strong enough for understanding they're just sad and immature, they don't actually care about you personally, if you did nothing wrong. your ego makes you fragile and easily offended, but you have nothing to be afraid of !
these are some important reminders for you and i...
everyone learns to keep their purity in different paces, so if someone can feel suddenly confused and unsatisfied with themselves by trying to copy who i am, it's not my fault .. i always try to make it clear that purity is important..
i just want to be happy, and i want others to be happy too. i know that i must accept who i am and love myself to achieve happiness !






 what do i think about age gaps ?


 ( march . 29 . 2019 )

i will leave here a brief opinion about age differences in relationships, in general.. !
i never really cared about interacting or even being friends with people older or younger than me. i believe that age is not a factor that defines whether or not a person is nice to have around ; but if the age difference is too big ( more than 5 years ) being too close becomes a problem as there are some limits and certain topics that are not appropriate to talk with people who are living a so different phase from you. if you are a relative, you have a greater freedom to talk and be an influence to that person ( or be influenced ), but when it comes to relationships i think big age differences are not very healthy normally .. it is uncomfortable when someone's is too young or too old to even understand what you're going through right now, and some people can be really toxic : bad advices, unmotivational comments, generalizations...
i've always been and i will always be open to being friendly and being there for all the lovely people who come into my life, regardless of anything, but i find it important to understand my position when i'm interacting with a person of a very different age. i avoid being too close to avoid any uncomfortable situation, since what i seek is just solace for me and for everyone !
if you're too younger or older than me, please don't feel bad ; i still am glad to have you here and i wouldn't reject your interactions. i love making friends and i love having my heart connected with different people from all over the world ♡ !!
i believe that if i keep cautious about what kind of relationship it's healthy to have with people, everything can turn out okay.. !






 what do i think about imageboards ?


 ( april . 30 . 2019 )

i have seen many people saying that imageboards are toxic and hateful environments. i have had particularly varied experiences in such environments, not just ibs but other places that are also open to different subjects, and because these are anonymous environments, it is easy to see people saying hateful thoughts...
such people may or may not have gone through difficult things in life and they feel the need to vent terrible things on the internet. i consider myself a very patient person with open environments like this, because i've already been able to talk about very interesting and fun subjects with good-hearted people in places like this. it is possible to have good experiences !
currently, i have found it VERY difficult to find good content, as these places have become the focus of hate texts. i definitely do not support or pay attention to this sort of thing, since it doesn't do any good for anyone.
i used to go to these places with some frequency because it was easy to find ibs where the anonymity was absolute, that is, it was not spoken in gender or any subject that revealed particularities about the users. this avoided most of the unpleasant and problematic issues, leaving room for healthy and interesting discussions. i learned a lot and met very nice people in these spaces. unfortunately, it is a rarity now, and so i consider that the ibs are dead practically all over the world.
many people say they see clear rejections in specific places against groups of people. this is real, but not just in anonymous places, i've seen it all over the internet ( and out of it too ) !!
something very common to see is the classic boys x girls, right x left and other things like that ; ;
if you pay attention, you will find all sorts of people rejecting and avoiding contact with other types of people, because they had bad experiences multiple times. this is basically it. i believe that any passive or aggressive rejection against people by their sex, beliefs, tastes, thoughts, is the fruit of past bad experiences. i don't like to judge people by such attitudes as long as they can be understanding, i think no one need to accept interactions with people who don't want to, i think it's important to respect environments made for a specific type of audience. i've never disrespected public rules anywhere because it seems to me too immature to force your presence into places where you're not welcome just to be "edgy" or "revolutionary" ; it's disrespectful to use personal information as an advantage in anonymous places, i don't support this. but obviously i can't stand threatenings or hate texts, as this is sick and negative, i don't like any toxic environment !
i really value respect among people and believe that anonymity should serve to make people "impartial" and away from judgments, to say what they really think, so that it can be productive for the personal development of everyone. it is possible to exchange good arguments and spend good moments of entertainment and learning with people if they respect each other and don't judge for personal details. i believe that anonymity makes environments nicer for complicated topics, an environment becomes pure from the moment people don't have personal information about each other.
please don't be hateful, please don't be mean !! it's hard to deal with differences, but people are not supposed to hate each other. everyone is different and have problems, and that's okay. you don't have to interact with people you don't like, but it's not right to write hate texts ; ;
so i support anonymous discussion environments, and the respect. my good experiences were much more relevant than the bad ones, although i had a hard time finding interesting subjects on the internet, i know it's possible !
unfortunately the ibs have become a very dirty place in recent years, frequented by frustrated teenagers who want to feel special and part of some sort of "secret movement" that rules the world through memes... seriously. although i believe myself in the power of memes and the internet, using it to feel better than others is pathetic.
and, fortunately, i still know other places on the internet that are good for that kind of healthy interaction that i quoted above ♡ ! there are not many, but i really like them. things really are temporary, so it's not healthy to keep complaining, right ?
by the way i really don't care about the reputation of the places on the internet, to be honest, so i'm always open to experiencing things before judging them by the contents that spread out there. for example, tumblr has a very dubious and embarrassing reputation, but i have used it for many years and absolutely love the beautiful and interesting content that i find exclusively there. people simply should try before saying anything.






 what do i think about buying pets ?


 ( may . 30 . 2019 )

recently people have come to consider the process of buying and selling pets something wrong and disrespectful to them, "do not buy a friend", "there are many animals for adoption" ... but what's the real point in that ?
only dogs and cats can be found for adoption, and only a few specific breeds, which makes some people very angry with who prefers to buy dogs or cats of other specific breeds. "all races are valid and deserve love" .. this is true, but i can't see the point in always putting down people who wish to have a specific breed animal, it's not a matter of disliking the other breeds, just choosing one ! just like you choosed to have a bunny instead of a hamster, it doesn't mean you hate hamsters.. hmpf
the reason these dogs and cats are on the streets and consequently placed for adoption is our fault, and i believe they are disrespected precisely because they are put up for adoption and not sold like any other breed. they are treated different !! people don't take care of them properly and don't care if they're having lots of babies out there.
all pets are sold for a certain amount of money, not because they are objects but because they are difficult and expensive to maintain. someone had to take care of the mom who had that animal, who was cared for with affection ( and money ) to one day be put up for sale. if you don't have the money to buy a pet, you certainly do not have the money to care for one, right ?
the dogs and cats on the street are exactly the ones that are put to adoption for free and easily abandoned because people do not value their lives. i don't think they should be treated differently from any other animal that is sold, they should be sold too and be cared of the same way.
it is true that some animals are used for money and people abuse that, so it is important to be sure who you are buying the animal for and if the person really is trustworthy but many animals are sold for high value because they are rare breeds or very difficult to care for.
so.. i don't see any problem in selling animals except when the person is bad and wants to make money from the lives of animals in a disrespectful way, and i believe that adoption is not a really good thing as it makes these animals even more devalued ;;
the life of an animal is precious, and if you are not willing to pay for it you simply do not deserve to have a pet !!






 how do i customize my phone ?


 ( october . 24 . 2019 )

first of all, you need to install this app called +home, for android ( click here ) !!
this is a themes app where you can download icons, backgrounds and stuff .. however you don't have to download any of that ! i've already downloaded themes to use icons and some widgets but currently i just use the default app theme ( which will replace your main screen ).
what i do is change the background and icons for png images with transparent background i have in the gallery, and this is the biggest secret : this app is the best i know for customization because it allows you to customize everything with your own images, it's very intuitive, you just have to click and hold on the app icons and choose what you want.
you can also change the size of the icons, the size of the letters, if you want applications to have names ( you can also rename them ) and you can make app folders and organize everything, you can also change the folder icons.
the app drawer page ( where all of them appear ) don't have customizable icons, but you don't have to use it if you don't want to, you can just organize everything into folders on the homepage ; but important : you need to go into this app drawer area, click the settings symbol and refresh the page whenever you install any new apps or you won't be able to place the icon on your homepage ! therefore, i recommend leaving the icon of this page somewhere for easy access.
so, basically touch and hold the main screen and try all the customization options you find until you're satisfied ! you can also place images floating on the screen with the photo widget ( they can have transparent background too )
tip : you will only see ads while customizing some things in the settings and sometimes on the app drawer page so it's not a bother, but ads will also appear if you leave an app folder with empty space. just fill all the folders so that doesn't happen !