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subjects answered in blog posts :

about my name | about myself | about my aesthetic | purity & innocence | my fashion style | about inspired content | about messages & requests | my internet journey | about disliking social media | about my content | about self care | about individuality | about presence | cuteness & femininity | about web design | my beauty care | my role in life | about the world | virtual world issues | fragility of the ego | about imageboards

there are updates from time to time

 please, read this first :

there is something that i would like to clarify here, although it is always implied, sometimes i need to be more objective..
i personally don't like to use any form of group identification to represent my individual beliefs, opinions, and valuations ; therefore, you will never see me publicly participating in specific movements. i never use names of movements or groups to identify me or to represent my own ideas and opinions. that doesn't mean that i don't support any of it, the thing is that i don't feel that they represent me thoroughly.
it's part of what i long to : to think alone about things and formulate my own opinions according to what i individually believe. this is something i truly always support and encourage, but i understand that it is simpler to use groups when you are searching for the right path in life, i have also done this for some time !
so, if you really have an interest in knowing what i think about things, please take your time to read my texts.
i know it can be tiring, but i really think it's important to write clearly what i think instead of throwing random information here and there and calling myself things that i don't really consider myself ///
you're free to question me about topics and point out when i have some behavior that doesn't match what i believe, after all, there's always room for improvement and that would really help me !
but please don't question me about supporting or not specific movements, because i am not part of any of this. i just support what i say i support, it's that simple.

 what is my name ?

 ( june 2018 )

 🖇 𝑚𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑠𝑎
melissa is my name in real life. i really like my name, but i don't use it a lot on the internet because it's common, so it would be difficult to find me. melissa is the name of a plant, the lemon balm. the meaning of melissa is "honeybee", because its flowers are rich in nectar, so it is sometimes planted to feed bees.
its little white flowers, sometimes with a yellowish or pinkish tinge, bloom throughout the summer ( fun fact : i was born in august ! )
my friends and family sometimes call me "mel" , which means literally honey.

 🖇 𝑚𝑖𝑑𝑑𝑙𝑒𝑝𝑜𝑡
this is actually a surname, and i use it as "artistic signature" on my works. it is not a real surname, i discovered it in a dream by the time i was still concepting the "poofties" project. one day i dreamed about a giant white cat made of milk, who called me "melissa middlepot".
i visualize it as : a melissa flower twig inside a pot, in the middle of a window sill.
i love this delicate concept, so i accepted it wholeheartedly !

 🖇 𝑝𝑜𝑜𝑓𝑡𝑖𝑒
well, pooftie is not an actual name, but the way all the critters from the "poofti world" are called ( so, me included ! )
it is a fictional word that comes from "pooft" : one onomatopoeia for the muffled sound of something falling on the ground. all the species that inhabit poofti first arrived falling from the sky, so this is a way of remembering that they are equals, and should do their best to care of each other and work together for a happier future.
yes, that's why my brand is called "poofties" !

 🖇 𝑝𝑢𝑓
puf is actually a character from the poofti world. it's who i am, there !
middlepot is the surname that was given for me by the milky cat, but my "pooftie self" is called puf - it's a nickname that comes from creampuff.
puf is a "softie", a metamorphic critter that can take the form of anything that is "soft" enough. she is often seen in the form of a teddy bear, bunny, lamb, kitten, puppy, or even a human girl - sometimes with wings, but she cannot fly.
i like to use her name and variations a lot ! small and cute.

 who am i ?

 ( april 2018 + september 2021 )

     𝓅𝓮𝓇𝓈𝓸𝓃𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝓉𝓇𝒶𝒾𝓉𝓈 ..

🎗 i'm very shy & introverted. because of my huge introversion, i don't struggle too much with my shyness, so i've long accepted that it is just part of who i am.
🎗 i do my best to take care of others and myself. i want to bring hope, solace, and quietude.
🎗 i have huge difficulties in approaching and feeling comfortable with people, becoming close to them .. i cherish the few kindred spirits i've encountered throughout my life, but at the same time, i find great joy in solitude.
🎗 when i am comfortable with people i randomly can talk a lot, sometimes even too much ///
🎗 i'm always looking forward to improving myself, but sometimes i do take it too seriously, so i try to be spontaneous and follow my heart. i never force things - i let them flow softly, naturally.
🎗 i try my best to take equal time to work on my projects, practice my hobbies, have fun, and rest properly. foremost, i prioritize my wellbeing. enjoying life in a slow, comfortable and quiet pace is what keeps me going !
🎗 i think too much about everything, so i try to practice gratitude instead of feeling melancholic & anxious
🎗 i deeply value purity. to me, purity is about who you really are, and where your heart is. i never forget who i am, what i believed and wanted from myself when i was a child. i want more than anything to be proud of the adult i became, and make my dreams come true.

     𝓮𝓍𝓉𝓇𝒶 ..

🎗 my sense of humor is quite childish, so i laugh at really silly things
🎗 i cry a lot, sad and happy
🎗 my main interest is beautiful things, and to make things beautiful
🎗 i try to fill my life with things that warm my heart, at all times
🎗 my signature scent is vanilla + coconut
🎗 i absolutely love all animals, but especially kittens
🎗 i love nature, she is everything to me, i strive daily to feel part of her, to understand my instincts and role in life. this has made me extremely happy and helps me overcome any personal problems.

edit // some people asked me to post some things about my body as well. i thought a lot about it because it's very intimate and i don't like to post so many things like that ..
but i decided that i'll post, since these are information that anyone who knows me personally would know, there is nothing so secret about it :

🖇 my height is 168cm ( 5'6 )
🖇 my current weight is 50kg ( 110 lbs )
🖇 my foot size is 23cm ( 9 in )
🖇 my hair is currently hip length ( and i am keeping it )
🖇 my hair changes colors a bit according to the lighting, it becomes lighter if i go out in the sun frequently. it's light brown / dark blonde, and sometimes it gets a few orangy & blonde highlights, that are noticeable in the sunlight
🖇 i like to keep a "himecut" in my hair, with short side bangs. i find it cute but also a bit more mature than straight bangs !
🖇 my mom used to cut my hair, and now i cut it myself ( i'm not very good at it, but my hair is quite wavy so you can't notice small mistakes )
🖇 my eye color is cyan / turquoise + a little bit grayish
🖇 .. i'm a-cup ///

 what is the name of my aesthetic ?

 ( march 2021 )

i have received messages from time to time through these years asking for the name of my personal aesthetic, and particularly recently i have been questioned about making a name for it, for its growing popularity.. but making up labels to describe everything, is that really necessary ?
i find it kinda funny that nowadays people are so invested in making specific names for visuals. when i started using tumblr, people would just use adjectives to describe images, or the name of the person who posted it. what do you see, what do you think, what do you feel when you see my content ? those words should be enough.
my main aesthetic is simply my aesthetic, based on my beliefs and motifs that i like. that is why you can't find exactly the same kind of content i do so easily, unless you search for my name ( middlepot / pooftie ). i feel happy when people give me credits for the aesthetic when getting inspiration directly on my content, but i want to make it clear that although the specific concepts of it were made up by me, i am not the first person to ever take pictures the way i do. keep in mind that i only take credits for my own works and thoughts, not for lace ribbons and stuffies, okay ?
to clarify : i don't mind having my images reposted, no credits needed ( just please don't claim you own them ), but i absolutely appreciate it more when people credit me properly. if you do, please write either "middlepot" or "pooftie" on it and don't try to label my personal works and beliefs without my permission. if it is my content it's not only aesthetic, and i prefer having people coming to my website to find more, if they like !
in my opinion, simply crediting people who inspire you by using their own names + adding a few motifs or adjectives as tags is a way better way of organizing aesthetics on internet as a whole. although it might seem like aesthetic names are a consensus, they aren't. you won't be able to find lots of relevant content if you rely solely on those words, because not everyone is actually willing to use them. not all creators are on tumblr, pinterest or even speak english.
we are human beings, and can't be labeled that easily. you can know multiple people who like similar things, but each one of them are different anyway. i understand that it can be more convenient to search for specific tags to find content you want to see, but i don't feel comfortable making up an "aesthetic name" for my life, my appearance, my particular way of living and doing things .. i am simply myself, and i like the things i like.

there are multiple "properly categorized" aesthetics that i am very fond of, such as angelcore, babycore, dollcore, cottagecore and webcore ; but of course you won't be able to find images exactly like the ones i make, draw, edit, or choose to save on my pc, unless you straight up search for my name. if you like someone's content, it's better to just ask or search for their inspirations instead of making up tags that only a few people will use actively. on tumblr you can easily check the sources from the posts !
i have been inspired by many wonderful people over the years, and that's why i am here now, with my own aesthetic. the visuals might be actually very similar to others, but the feeling always vary from person to person. when posting my content i want to make you feel specific emotions ( comfort & safety ), that other person who also likes frilly dresses and teddy bears might not relate to, when creating their own content. finding different people's ideas coming from similar visuals is very refreshing, and inspiring !! let's embrace and respect those differences.
i believe everyone has their own particular aesthetic, so don't rely completely on labels to choose what you should wear, which music you should listen to, how you should make art and please : don't rely on it for how you should look or act like. respect your particularities and be purely yourself 
it's okay to search for specific aesthetic names to just explore the possibilities, but at some point you will naturally feel left out of them, for now understand yourself to the point of not being able to relate 100% to concepts created by others. there is no need to worry if your personal aesthetic is different from what you find out there. 

 what is purity & innocence ?

 ( may 2018 )

i would like to talk about these two adjectives that are so confusing to people : pure & innocent.
these are actually extremely important things, but are treated as something far, almost impossible to achieve. and that's not true, because it's something we can all go back to.
to explain it better, let's define purity and innocence :
purity, as i have already commented in other posts, is something that you are when you're being yourself. when you act naturally and follow your heart, when you do not listen to what others think is good for you, but what your heart says is best for you. your heart wants you to have a clear conscience, want you to stay safe and healthy, wants you to be happy. it's not always the easiest path, but it's always the right one, the pure one. purity is literally not be contaminated by external influences. it's hard because we live in society and we need to please others, but it doesn't mean that you need to change who you are ( not even a little bit ) to be a nice person, and be happy.

innocence is something that people often confuse with ignorance. when you don't know things by choice, you are being ignorant, which is a bad quality. innocence is when you see the world in a beautiful way, when you believe in your dreams, believe things can get better, do not judge others before you know, when even after being bitten by a dog, do not think all dogs are evil. so, innocence is more linked to positivity, it's a quality of being radiant and full of love, even having gone through difficult things, or not. of course it's easier to be positive when you don't have traumas to deal with, but that's not the point. it is possible, and it is necessary for you to be happy !

children are pure and innocent because they have not been "contaminated" by society's pressure to be different from who they really are, to give up their dreams, to think the world and people are bad and it's always getting worse. this is not right and it's not true. it's a super toxic thought.
other ( nonhuman ) animals are like children forever, for at least none of them still live in society like humans. society itself is not a problem, but people just don't have the maturity to deal with it in a healthy way. it's something that people should educate themselves and educate their children so that we can all be happier !!
never think that you have no hope, that you are dirty or rotten, that your dreams can't come true, that magic doesn't exist. erase it forever from your life !!! learning to evaluating your behavior and the way you see the world is very important to becoming a better and more satisfied person. believe in your dreams, make the little you from the past proud of who you became today !

 how to describe my fashion style ?

 ( july 2021 )

people are constantly searching for fashion inspiration, for fitting into something and find themselves.. it's a healthy and natural process of maturing, while experimenting. it's a lot of fun to find new things that makes us happy, right ?
when i was a teenager i was mostly inspired by japanese fashion, specially sweet-classic lolita, mori and cult party kei. purchasing clothing from japanese brands was quite expensive by the time, so i just improvised with handmade outfits. since my mom was a seamstress, i learned a lot and decided to make up my own style based on those .. the perfect style for me, that would make me comfortable and happy.
it took a long while for me to get to the point where i am, and after trying many things, sewing a lot, making accessories, purses and so on, i noticed some things : i love frilly dresses, aprons, stuffie purses, lolita shoes, lace socks, satin ribbons, and i really really love vintage nightgowns.
walking outside with clothing that would make me feel as comfortable as i feel at home, that i could even sleep with ? it's certainly a dream coming true 
with time, i discovered that thrift stores are the best place to find cute clothing, when searching for vintage nightgowns !! if in good condition, they can be adjusted to be used as dresses, or blouses. adding embroidering details to them, extra lace, ribbons... they're unique pieces of art. because of that, i don't need to sew all my outfits from scratch anymore - which is great, since i'm not good when sewing complicated things.. and sadly, my mom isn't here to help me anymore.
while trying out different things, i realized i don't really like wearing multiple layers of clothing and accessories, even though it looks beautiful ( vide cult party ) it's just not for me. i'm a simple girl : i like feeling cute, but i hate feeling sweaty and itchy ! living in a tropical country + having sensitive skin doesn't help either ; ;
so i simplified a lot my fashion style over the years, and it somehow matured a bit too. i'm in love with long skirts, frilly aprons, delicate jewelry ( like golden heart lockets & pearl earrings ) and classic cotton fabrics, in neutral or faded soft colors. but, i'm not even a little bit ashamed to keep using child-like motifs as well, when it comes to accessories. it's part of my aesthetic as a whole, it's part of who i am, and how i want to be perceived : a woman who still believes in her girlish dreams, and always will.

that leads us to an important point.. what most inspires my fashion style is my personal aesthetic concepts & beliefs : delicacy, innocence, softness, comfort, nostalgia. these are the qualities that i always look for in my outfits.
you know that i really value purity, and i believe wearing clothes that represent our personality and feelings is important for it. i feel extremely happy to see that my appearance corresponds with who i am.
i believe the secret to finding the perfect style for you is just to find your favorite aesthetics and what best represents your personality ! the essential thing here is to respect your comfort and to have self knowledge. i would say that the more you have sharp eyes to find potential beauty in things, the simpler it becomes to have a style that perfectly represents you, so it's really a matter of practice. i super recommend to practice saving beautiful images that inspire you and making collages with them, either photography of people or just clothing pngs.. it's a lot of fun !! 
besides aesthetic blogs & collages, i would say that dress up games are certainly very good for inspiration too !! poupée girl was a really good influence on me as a child, when i was first starting to think about fashion.
basically, being spontaneous and searching for happiness is enough. i promise, it's not as complicated as it seems. you can vary your style within your aesthetics whenever you want, it just depends on how comfortable you feel at the moment with those clothes. according to the day, the weather and the situation, you can suddenly feel in a mood to try something new !

 how do i feel about content inspired on mine ?

 ( january 2021 )

lately i have received questions on how i feel about people who get inspired by my work. it seems that there are many content around the internet that look very similar to mine.. and well, each time i see new content with similar ideas / aesthetic, i feel happy and proud 
i keep in mind that the point of all my work and efforts is not to feed my ego, but inspire others to become a better version of themselves. if they find comfort in my personal aesthetic or something similar, i can safely believe that i'm spreading good things !!
sharing kindness is always welcome ! it's just so great to see that community growing and more people creating new things.. it's all i ever dreamed of, and there is no way i could let my ego get in the way of my peace of mind just so i can feel "special". i also get inspired by others all the time, i'm not above or below any of these people, we're just all trying to be happy. 
i think that being careful to make new content and not just replicate other's ideas over and over is better spent time, but we hardly get ideas completely out of nowhere : we often mix things together, and this is valid as well. experimenting is important.

finding content that looks really similar to yours, specially when the person isn't even giving credits, can be bothering. i understand, but i also understand the point of someone who is partially ( or entirely ) copying others .. it can be really embarrassing to give the source of all your ideas. hiding the source is just an immature way of trying to find their comfort zone, to avoid people saying they're not original, and it usually doesn't take too long for the person to get new ideas, detach a bit from that one specific "idol" and feel more confident to share sources of inspiration.
for that reason, it's important to be patient with these people. instead of getting angry and talking to them in an intimidating way, remember that you're someone they look forward and that it would be really painful for them. when you're rude, people often get into a "self defense state" and act rudely too. the best thing to do is just ignore and keep doing what you're doing !!
if there are people getting inspired by your work, you're in the right path. there is no need to feel afraid, there is no one trying to steal your identity. 
also : we must accept that other people can find success by doing similar things that you do. this is not a competition !!!

 how do i respond to messages and requests ?

 ( august 2021 + june 2022 )

since i am receiving many messages lately, but i am also working a lot lately, it's expected that i would start to be seen as a little unapproachable.. which makes me a little worried, so i'm here to clarify :
i feel really happy with messages i receive, knowing that you took a bit of your time to make me smile, or that you trust me enough for asking for advice .. it's certainly a delight 
i always do my best to read everything, but sadly it's not always possible to write back to every single person ..

i love talking to you fluffies, and helping as i can. many messages i receive are requests of support, advice, specific content, or complicated questions - things that would take me a while to do. because of that, i try to prioritize my time & energy into writing to those who need a thoughtful, detailed response. if i have enough free time, i try to respond to everyone, but it's not always doable, much less in a timely manner.
when it comes to writing messages, it can take quite some time to do so, especially the way i do. if you ever exchanged emails with me you know what i'm talking about : i write pretty long virtual letters !
and i love doing so, don't get me wrong - but sometimes my inbox get so full, with dozens of messages, so i have to be very careful not to push myself to exhaustion.
i am a very introverted person, and on top of that i have to fight social anxiety on a daily basis.
because of that, socializing can be really hard, really tiring, and i simply can't find any energy left after hours of typing ;;

needless to say, i prioritize my health above fulfilling very specific requests ( i try my best, but i obviously can't do that for everyone ) .. if it is of interest of multiple people, i will certainly keep notes !
so if i couldn't respond to your message, please know that there is a reason, and i'm not ignoring on purpose. maybe i will still respond to it at some point, or even post about it, if it's an interesting request. in any case, be sure that i have read it - i always do !
rest assured : i never find your lovely messages a bother ( if, naturally, a kind and honest message, of course ) but i ask for your patience.
as i said before, i like to make sure i'm responding, helping & clarifying doubts properly. that easily takes hours to do, and well.. sometimes, i would rather give myself some rest instead.
when people start resending messages over and over ( probably because they think that i haven't seen it ) it gets quite overwhelming .. and there is even a risk of you getting flagged as spam !

i also can't completely ignore the doubts of people who are not so kind with their choice of words - even if i never respond to them - if i can clarify or fix anything, i do so, then write about the topic here ( if there is a point in their message, and not just meaningless hate, or a random rumor ) .. !

edit // if you are wondering where you can message me :

🧷 please don't hesitate to reach me out by sending an email to letters@middlepot.com or simply using the contact form !
i do participate in small platforms & communities, and i like using all kinds of message boards on people's sites, but emails are the standard option of contacting someone on the internet.
i will always prefer a safe & organized space for talking, especially for giving support.
please, let me know if i can help, and i will do my best !!
i always check my inbox ( might take a long time to respond, but i read everything ) and i like to talk about all kinds of things through email, it's very comfortable .. like exchanging virtual letters 

🧷 i am also open for real life pen pals from all over the world. from small postcards to big envelopes filled with stuff, i love exchanging all sorts of things, especially stationery and handmade small items. 
if interested, please let me know by email !

🧷 i respond to some my fluffy life pupu mails too ( id : adm-puf ) , but please don't ask for support in there, use the contact form instead !!

 how was my journey on the internet so far ?

 ( october 2017 + july 2019 + june 2022 )

what did i do on the internet before starting the projects and this website ?
some of you have known me for quite some time because i played many online games, especially dress up games and ragnarok. on the /gaming page you can check out my current characters !
i started accessing the internet very early, i was only 7 years old ( 2004 ) . my mom always saw everything i did, so it was safe, don't worry !
i used to play lots of flash games, i used msn, and i had a blog. by that time everyone had blogs / personal websites, where they customized and posted all sorts of things. it was such a delight to explore the internet ..
well, as a small child, i wasn't good with making content or coding, but i liked to post anime girls and cat gifs with lots of glitter, and other beautiful images that i found in random websites.
i didn't have any social media account at the time because i was very young, my mom wouldn't let me ( and i'm very thankful for that ) so i enjoyed all my time ( 2 hours a day every morning ) visiting sozai websites with cute graphics and materials, blogs, and playing online games. my first online game was ragnarok, and my second one, club penguin
it was so much fun .. i have many precious memories of that time, so i try to fill my routine with these same activities to this day !

i could finally have a social media account ( orkut ) once i turned 10, and i used it mainly for posting, again, cute glitterly graphics, and sharing my online memories with friends. orkut was pretty similar to myspace, it was quite customizable and the content was very "restricted" to what you specifically interacted with, which i find really nice.
i also accessed many forums & messageboards at that time, and began to communicate with people all over the world. my english was obviously horrible, but i had the google translator to help me. i never posted any real information or photo of myself because i was taught that this is dangerous.
as time went by i deleted my blog, made new ones, little by little the quality of content was improving, and the layouts were becoming cuter and more intricated. by 2006 i made the first layout that i really was proud of, but it was still obviously very simple. i remade old projects from time to time ( and still do ) .

past 2012 the internet started changing drastically .. the blogs became unpopular, forums too, msn died, orkut died. very sad, right ? it was indeed a very depressing time in my life ;;
i then started looking desperately for substitutes for the things i liked : firstly i tried using facebook to replace orkut, but there you couldn't post gifs or swfs, you couldn't customize your profile or messages ...... internet was falling apart, and no one seemed to care !?
i decided to keep trying anyway, and made my own facebook pages for posting "soft aesthetic photos" , something i was slowly getting into. after some time, i had a taste of how shallow and superficial social media was becoming. needless to say, i was left deeply disappointed, and gave up. everything got deleted.
simultaneously, i started using tumblr. it was well customizable and could partially fill the void that oldschool blogs left behind. it took a long time for me to find an aesthetic that would make me really happy, so i made multiple blogs until i got to my recent one.

it was during that time ( 2013~2015 ) that i created the name middlepot, and started planning the poofties project !!
i slowly found what i wanted to do, and which feelings i wanted to spread : safety & comfort

after a long journey of trying things out, i decided to keep these respective accounts, with the username "pooftie" :
tumblr for posting photos ; youtube for making playlists ; twitter for posting ascii art ; instagram for posting interactive self care content.
to replace msn, which was the platform i always used to talk to my family and close friends, i decided to use line. i kept using it for a few years, and i also decided to try out discord, but quickly restricted myself to only entering my friends' small servers.
since i never felt safe & happy in modern big social media, i never used my accounts in a personal way. these were made just for sharing content to inspire and make people smile !
it was really hard deciding what to do, as i'm used to the more niche and highly customizable format the old internet had .. i always knew i was destined to abandon social media altogether at some point, i just didn't know when, or how !

using platforms made by big companies feels awful, and it never fills the void.. i always knew i needed my little corner on the internet.
so by 2016 i started coding my own personal website, and here i am today 💝
the child me would be really proud of everything i'm doing right now .. this website is really my favorite place on the internet !
here i can put together all the things i'm doing, and all the content i like. here i am safe. here i am free to be purely myself.

over the next years i continued to create 20+ other websites for my projects : the shy bunny store ( 2018 ) , the poofties club ( 2021 ) , the my fluffy life online game ( 2021 ) .. and many side web pages yearly, that are hosted as "pooftie.me" subdomains, where i create and experiment lots of random things with html & css !
by 2022 i started to develop my very own web hosting platform, the puf cafe
a cute & safe place where i can upload stuff as i want and have lots of fun interactive things !
during the process of planning, i decided to invest my time & energy on creating content using the tools i was developing, instead of trying to keep using my social media accounts and achieving unsatisfactory results over and over again.
i only feel 100% comfortable inside my own websites / games / platforms, or in those that belong to people i trust wholeheartedly, and by 2022 i finally managed to deactivate all of my social media accounts and started focusing on things that make me truly happy !!

 why do i dislike social media ?

 ( october 2018 + june 2022 )

social media have created this need for big numbers in people and i feel that i don't have reasons to keep seeking numbers to praise a false reputation for my image on the internet. i'm just a normal person doing my best, just like any other person. i reflected a lot on this and people treating me differently because of numbers is not something that i value and i don't think is good for me or the visitors. the race for numbers and fame is not the kind of thing i'd be proud to encourage on my site ( or anywhere else, but unfortunately that's not always an option, hence why i avoid social media so much ).
i used to keep numbers exposed despite not approving their overvaluation because i believed it could bring public ; maybe people could took me more seriously if i had big numbers ? maybe they could allow themselves to look at the site more easily if they saw this "seal of approval" from previous visitors ?
.. but is it really worth blinding people with such superficial information and then saying it's not important ?
i have come to the conclusion that i must be an example and show that appreciation of numbers is not healthy or productive.
i felt free from this race for numbers as i started moving away from social media, and i discovered over time that frequent visitors of my site are not here either by the numbers, but by the content, just as they are on other interesting sites and blogs of the internet. it definitely warms my heart to know that my work honestly attracts so many people
it's extremely invigorating to be free of ego needs and social fears.
hiding numbers and keeping written feedback is more productive for everyone. i wish from the bottom of my heart that people would exchange more real interaction, not in the form of numbers, but words and actions.
i'm little by little getting more and more clean of the "numbers", and it's making me feel really good and refreshed.. !
now i'm trying to get rid of all of my social media with big follower numbers. yes, i did my best there, i spent time and effort posting content, but now it's time to refresh things.
i was just really tired of all of this.. random strangers following me just because of a random viral post, creeps messaging me, my accs turning to feel important and platforms treating it like nothing.. so stressful !!
i writed my reasons, and i honestly think these changes are an improvement for me and the quality of my content
even if not using social media for posting personal content, it's still the best way to reach people and make friends. this is what i wanted, from the begin, and just now i'm being able to actually reach people's hearts !
the thing is,, my accs with lots of random people and artificial interactions were consuming my patience and time and i couldn't actually interact with others because it wasn't even safe to try approaching them ; i want to have more time for healthy relationships and for myself.
on my own websites i am more spontaneous and helpful to others, i can make friends and approach people safely, i am able to interact with my friends and be there for everyone who needs me, i can support people i admire and i want it to be soft !! i want my life to be softer, in general.
i'm happy to say that this is becoming reality

i'm ironically being able to reach a higher number of people now than before, not with just cute stuff but my feelings too, and i believe it's because i'm doing better and being more sincere. i now can say i truly care about every single people that interact with my posts, because i can actually enter their accs and see they're trying their best too !!
my large accounts always had infinitely less interactions than the number of followers, which means that obviously many of those accounts were inactive or people who didn't even care about who they're following. i don't want it anymore. i want real people, a comfortable and safe ambient for me and everyone ! the internet can be a place full of illusions. i believe the numbers are one of the most dangerous illusions.
i feel lighthearted now, as i'm being able to communicate with others better and doing what i wanted from the begin : reaching your hearts and soften your feelings !
i feel softer now.. i'm happy life made me see how artificial and unnecessary all these numbers are. i learned that real people are important ; kind and lovely people, who will be there.
and i will be there, too ! even with the distance, i am here.

i hope i can inspire you to improve your internet life, too..
is it really healthy and safe for you, right now ?

edit // the big modern social media sites are unreliable, unorganized, and unsafe.
they undoubtedly have ill intended features for making people feel insecure, addicted, and stressed out.
they purposefully limit creativity, encourages shallow drama, and punish people for not following trends.
i am tired. i don't want that anymore.
i never wanted to be controlled by others like that.

so, from now on : my social media accounts will be officially inactive !
i am officially unplugging myself out of the ugly world of the platforms runned by big companies.
i will, at most, only use "disposable" private accounts if i need to interact with specific content i like, and that's it.

i never felt comfortable using my accounts in a personal way, for both my sanity & safety i've always kept things this way.
since 2012, when the old web as i knew was starting to collapse rapidly, i have been searching for a way to escape those uncomfortable spaces and find a way to express myself the way i want.
many people feel the same as me, and are also trying to walk away from big social media, so i try to help myself and others by working on solutions !

after some months of use, my web code snippets have been a good help for making social media sites less stressful ( and cuter ) for me, but, as expected .. only as an inactive user.
i am still checking some youtube channels & tumblr blogs regularly, and it's actually nice !
( i received messages from people telling me that the codes helped them too, so i will keep them updated, there is no need to worry about that )

the thing is : whenever i try to create content inside them i feel restricted, unsafe, i see my work being reduced in quality, my creative potential being discarded .. and my imagination cannot flow naturally.
the more i experience ways to freely create & share things with people on the internet, the more i want to make use of it, and bring that nice feeling to others through my projects !

i have been using forums, message boards, chat boxes, online games and many other kinds of small social platforms since ever, and i will continue to do so !
it's just that from now on, i will have a preference for places that make me feel safe, runned by people i trust, so i can prioritize my well-beign.
i actually think that big platforms tend to make it harder than usual to both find small creators, and to reach a niche audience for your content .. which is really a shame !
my content, aesthetics and interestes are super specific, so i don't feel welcomed on big communities at all.

the standard way for me to find new cool stuff and get to know people is to explore the internet for blogs, personal websites, forums and group chats in general.
that is the way i feel most comfortable, and where i got to know most of my friends too 
because i am already used to the "old web" format of internet ( that's how everything started for me ) , i don't think it's truly hard to socialize, find new interests or even advertise content without the use of big social media.

during the 2010s things went downhill and almost everyone was obsessed with social media, because it was still something new and cool, but since the 2020s began i can see a clearly change on people's perspective.
i am not the only person leaving big social media, i know many others who did / are doing / are willing to do the same, and because of the growing popularity of "webcore" aesthetics, 2000s fashion and the neocities platform, many people are making blogs and personal websites for themselves, which i feel super happy & excited about !!! 
i am really hopeful for the future of the internet, and i will embrace this completely and do my best to help by making my own projects, and sharing those of people i admire.
please visit my /recommended page, as it is frequently updated with new wonderful sites !!

edit // now about discord & line .. i stopped using them because as i have mentioned a few times, these apps have some problems ( including safety issues, unhealthy social-media-like features, and multiple paywalls ) , so i don't feel 100% comfortable using them. because of all that, my accounts have become private for a long time, until i gave up completely.
also, i do prefer a slower message exchanging, as i like to write long messages, and these platforms are not very friendly when it comes to that. mail exchanging remains unbeatable !
for group chatting, i've always liked to use message boards on people's sites way more than using specific chatting apps, since they are accessible, convenient, and customizable. you don't have to install anything, make accounts, or pay for having access to cute stickers & emojis.
that's what i'm looking for, so i will be working hard to make my own message board features for the puf cafe !

 why am i so strict with where and how i post my content on the internet ?

 ( february 2020 )

it's important for me keeping my content organized, avoiding reposting things all over the place and keeping my personal content in appropriate places. i'm trying my best to do so, but i used to do it purely for keeping the quality of my sites, not wasting time reposting or make the mistake of oversharing, naturally ..
however, i stopped to think deeply about it and realized that the content we post on the internet really affects other people directly, and some things don't always have the positive effect that we would like to convey. i always post things with the intention of motivating and inspiring, as well as motivating myself to keep improving and to receive constructive criticism, but unfortunately negative effects can happen when people compare each other or idolize each other.
i seek genuineness and transparency with my words, and this avoids some bad impressions and consequently negative feelings. when we are sincere in referring to ourselves, it is very motivating to other people. if you don't empathize with others they won't consider you trustworthy and they won't embrace you wholeheartedly, they can certainly consider you a threat, develop a negative rivalry or even insecurity and envy. if you are narcissistic or self-deprecating, you'll do yourself harm and irritate, encouraging people to feel bad things about the success of others.
it is not possible to magically repair people's self-esteem, but it is possible to avoid worsening the situation and to strive to be a good example. if i can, i will !
i insist on sharing my ( imperfect but true ) journey with others who can identify and find some hope in my words. i want people to see what i produce and try to be productive too, i want people to get to know themselves and discover individual happiness. doing it properly can be a delicate process, i've made a lot of mistakes and i know i'm still making a few, but im happy if i can fix that little by little.
i'm sorry if i have ever demotivated someone for any reason, i will be extra careful with what i expose to make sure i'm posting things in appropriate places in the appropriate way, for people who are really going to make good use of it. thankfully i have been doing a good job with this recently, but i know i still have room to improve.. !

 how did i find my individuality ?

 ( august 2018 )

i know that the pursuit of self-knowledge is something that never ends, but i, being a young adult, realize that young people usually seek to be special in some way, seeking individuality. the thing is that we are all different and have individualities already.
if you don't know your individuality you can't enjoy life so much, you can't be yourself and improve, so you just become artificial and sad.. if you just let it go, it makes you more and more faded over time.
feeling dissociated and not knowing who you are is a bad feeling and should not be taken to life, so i will share how i managed to understand who i really am and my individuality, in hopes that it can help some of you !
something that helps me a lot to understand who i am are aesthetics. i know this term may seem rather silly and superficial, but you can call it many other things too : style, spectrum, tendency, essence .. i like to call it aesthetics because i am quite a visual person, but you must understand that what i mean by that is simply the essence of who you are, represented through visuals, personality, lifestyle, passions and others.

we are very stimulated seeing beautiful things everywhere, aesthetics that we want for ourselves. the problem is that we can not be all things, although we have different moods and personal tastes, there are limits to who we can be ; when you go beyond these limits you feel dissociated and uncomfortable.
only you can know who you really are and recognize when you're not being yourself, so you must first learn to understand your feelings and not be carried away by the desires of being someone different. people are beautiful and feel happy in different ways ( and only when they are being themselves ) .
you certainly have personal tastes and should not suppress them to fit into groups. those personal tastes help you a lot to understand your personal essence ( since we don't really can choose to like things voluntarily, right ? ) .
i discovered who i am separating my personal tastes : whenever i had to choose a color, a music, a food, a place, above all others, although i like lots of different things, i often had a specific preference - there was a clear pattern in these things, despite different moods.
in this way, through experimentation, i was able to discover my favorite aesthetic ( but not the only one i embrace ) .
i must say : you will not find yours coming from someone else, but you will find elements that will compose your personal aesthetic all over the place. aesthetics carry specific messages and feelings, so you must understand what you are looking for, what fills your heart with a comforting feeling, what feels like home to you.

it may seem confusing, but for example : i've always liked cute, delicate, and feminine things ; within that there may be infinite variations, so i sometimes felt confused and uncomfortable with some cute things that did not really match me. "but i like cute stuff, what's the problem ??" i thought.
the problem is that i am me, i am a person, and people are complex. i began to realize that i felt artificial when trying to adhere some elements that didn't represent me ( because despite being visually alike, carried different feelings ) .
gradually i separated the elements and composed some aesthetics that i really liked and i felt comfortable about it, until i discovered my ult fav one !
but even so, i also have lots of interests that don't "match" my favorite aesthetic in any way, shape or form - but this is also me. i embrace this too, and don't avoid it. i am who i am. if i'm comfortable with myself and shape my surroundings to reflect my interests, i feel happy. that's what i look forward : purity.
for "aesthetic reasons" you may not see me showing around all of that at once ( because i don't necessarily find all of that very cute ) , but i still enjoy those things during my day and don't push myself away from them, you know ?
in resume : being spontaneous is important, but doesn't mean you should make a mess out of it, if you are the organized type of person. some things fit into a single style that you make for yourself, others don't .. but you're not supposed to "wear" and "show off" everything you like anyway !

a tip for you to get started : think about the adjectives that define things. these adjectives should complement and make sense to you, should be pleasant and make you feel good ( even the negative ones ) . you must do this with all things, not just with visuals, since your essence is present in all the things that make up you.
by understanding who you are, it will be much easier to find your comfort spaces and self improve. you will be able to have healthier relationships and inspire other people, you will have better self esteem, since you will better understand your personality and individual beauty ( and therefore take better care of yourself as you will also understand your limits ) , you will be able to find hobbies that please you, to find out what you want to do with your life, you will be happier and will continue to be free to enjoy things that "don't fit" your main aesthetic, since this is also part of your individuality and should not be denied.
you will find purity, and within that, your true happiness !
i would like to make it clear that when thinking about things, you should think about your individual opinions on them rather than what others feel about them. focus on how you want to feel, instead of what you want to be perceived for.
only you can know yourself deeply and truthfully. people will naturally see you as you are, so just be yourself and make the best out of it !

 how to have a lovely presence ?

 ( august 2018 )

have you ever seen people who are so beautiful, kind and have a lovely aura that makes everyone feel comfortable and safe around ? it seems like a rare and precious personality trait, like this person knows nothing bad and lives in a beautiful and different reality.
in fact, i have learned over time that this is a skill to be acquired with maturity. bad experiences don't influence who you really are and shouldn't make you have a heavy and sad aura. bad experiences happen for you to mature and to be able to avoid them in the future, as well as helping other people in a similar situation ; traumas are not part of you, all bad things you've been through, you've seen or just know that exist, none of that is part of you and none of that represents your reality.
you should never become ignorant, keep yourself informed of the world situation and mold your opinions is very important to live healthy and safe ! however, it is extremely important to keep yourself pure despite all this. purity will give you a different aura and will make your reality, in fact, beautiful.
don't let bad thoughts and memories affect you continuously ; boring and ugly things are a part of life and you really should deal with them properly and don't ignore them, but you should not make them a personal problem. on daily basis you should forget everything bad and only think of beautiful and pleasant things that you live, lived and would like to live : daydream, watch the sky, pick flowers, write love letters, wear perfume, put on pajamas all day, wear your favorite dress casually ! life has many opportunities for you to make it beautiful and create good memories for you to keep and share with others.
surround yourself with beautiful things, embellish ugly things you don't like to look at, cherish people who love you & move away from people who are toxic to you. small details in your life can greatly help shaping your ability to be positive and emanate kindness and beauty
remember : the kinder you are, the more beautiful you become ( and that includes being kind to yourself )

 why being cute & feminine is not a problem ?

 ( november 2018 )

people have always had a problem with female stereotypes. there is pressure on the girls to be always cute, feminine and delicate. i totally disapprove of people trying to shape the personality of people for the purpose of making them "ideal" within stereotypes. both girls and boys should not change their personality with the intention of feeling "fit" in society, since this behavior causes sadness, confusion, problems and unhealthy relationships.
in the search of freedom of aesthetics and mannerisms people began to always treat these feminine adjectives as if they were something inferior and undesirable. i have read countless times about how "being cute and delicate is desirable in society because they want women to be weak and controllable", and no, that's not a correct way to talk about it !!!
the cuteness, delicacy and elegance are feminine characteristics, and just like the masculine characteristics, are tendencies but not facts. a girl may have more masculine characteristics, and vice versa ; there is nothing wrong with that. in nature the feminine and the masculine work together and form all that exists of good ( and bad ), it's the balance of things. the personality of people is complex, so of course you should not change who you are because of others ; but wanting to reject your natural feminine qualities because you somehow think that male qualities are better, is a very serious problem. it is actually offensive to the female image.
makes me deeply sad as people speak as if being soft and delicate is a sign of weakness and inferiority when there is no connexion between these things. to say that being feminine is a bad thing and that we must fight not to appear feminine and delicate for not to be treated in a bad way is so extremely wrong !!
girls and boys in nature have strength, endurance and power equally, only represented in different ways. matriarchal and patriarchal societies are focused on these forces : motherhood & paternity. these are the most natural and pure in both, both take care of each other as family, both have different but equally important roles. the problem is that patriarchal society often makes it seem that the male strenght is desirable and important, that physical strength, dominance, and logical reasoning are the best, that emotional intelligence, kindness, and wisdom are weak. this is not true, because there is not one better than the other.
in fact, the female image is also very associated with beauty. this obviously doesn't mean that girls should be beautiful, but this type of beauty is associated with health and youth, since it is something that is naturally bright and wonderful related to fertility. in this way, while healthy, pure and natural, feminine beauty is something that we all naturally appreciate a lot and i think it should not be treated as objectification ; the real objectification is the plastic and artificial way the girls force themselves to be to have social approval.
so yes, if your personality have cuteness and femininity, it doesn't mean that you are inferior or childish. you should not be ashamed of it or try to become more masculine, just because others think you should. you must above all embrace your natural qualities and your personality traits as your strength and importance in society exist anyway and are great. being feminine doesn't mean you can't have control over your life and your actions !
just remember that you deserve to be happy and respected, you are strong and lovely no matter how feminine or masculine you are, you can - and should - be purely yourself

 how do i make my websites ?

 ( november 2018 + july 2022 )

people who have an interest in web design often have questions about how i made this site, and all my other websites. as you all know, i've made things in html for many years, and i start making lots of random projects all the time. html and css are something i love wholeheartedly !
i made this site, just like all my stuff in html, from scratch. i write everything in notepad and test in .html files, or in my html tester.
i know there are several platforms nowadays, but i always did everything from scratch because it was how i decided to start with html. from the beginning i always thought : if i had total freedom to put everything exactly where i want and as i wish ; it was perfect. it was what i wanted. dealing with platforms for web design has always irritated me a little, honestly, since they are all focused on boring commercial websites and leave no room for creativity ; ;

so, i don't have "website builder" platforms to recommend, since dealing with pure html codes is my preferred way of doing things. if you really want to do things beautifully and freely, you have to lose the fear of dealing with pure codes.

edit // now i have a free base project with tutorials that you can use to get started with learning basic html & css for layout arrangements : base.pooftie.me

if you'd like to add dynamic content to your website, i know coding them will be hard ( and you will also need server connection, which is complicated and expensive ) so using a platform that offers widgets that you can insert into your static codes is an easy solution !

when working on image-based layouts web design is much more about graphic design and aesthetics rather than coding, so it's important that you are prepared to deal with lots of image editing. i really recommend you have folders of materials and graphics that can be useful - save everything you like, and can use. i have had several folders of materials since i was a kid, and i got all that content basically exploring the internet !
if you'd like inspiration for web design, you can download thematic material packs on my aesthetic virtual journal website.
there are plenty of sites with free cute graphics that you can use for your website, and those are called "sozai", and i have one myself. please feel free to download everything : sozai.pooftie.me

the wayback machine is also wonderful to find interesting sites that no longer are active. i have the recommended page where i always update with some sites & blog that are really inspiring as well.

now that you have plenty of materials for making beautiful things, you must deal with codes. i find html very easy, i started learning it when i was 8, simply with small tutorials and mainly browsing other people's blogs. i know it may seem controversial but when it comes to html there is a lot that you can ( and should ) take reference to other people's codes because these are things that everyone can use and are not owned by someone specific.
i honestly recommend that you always look at the source code of all the sites you are interested in understanding how they were made. after a little study you will understand how things work and will learn mostly from this practice. make sure you have a folder for codes ( you can just save it in txt files ) because you will always find things that are interesting and that you may want to use in the future !
when it comes to css and javascript ( style and script ) you can find some code that is original and can not be copied, but in this case you will certainly see a warning text. if you see no warning, you are free to try to use !

to practice, i recommend doing small projects like some pictures and texts on the screen, cute little random things that you have in mind .. just let the imagination flow, think of things you'd like to do with the codes you've saved. if you really want to do layouts for a website or blog, i recommend starting with a base code. remember : my base project is completely free to use !
in fact, to be clear, i allow you to always look at the source code of my websites if you need inspiration or understand how i did things in it. you can use all the scripts and css, too. just don't copy everything ( especially visually ), of course, be original !

it's very bad copying the whole source code from someone's site to use as a base, so make sure to be careful about it, and search for base layouts that are okay to copy from, and edit from them.
decide what you want to do exactly, then look for codes for that sort of thing, so you can add more to your site over time. you can find whole codes that are visually neutral for you to modify, or you can find only parts of what you want. you can put it all together smoothly. if you are using specific platforms, you will need base code to do what you want functionally within the platform, since these have rules of use and operation !

after some time and experience you can make a base code for yourself. add cute signatures and some codes that you specifically like in them. i have websites where you can copy some cute symbols as well as unicode fonts, so you can organize your codes and make the cutest ascii art signatures !
i have a base code myself, i always use some similar css and i have a pretty cute ascii art signature at the beginning and end of all html pages.

in the beginning, you may feel a little bit of tension in messing with the base code and ruining everything, but over time you will feel more comfortable. i took a lot of time to do things freely, remembering that i did my first layout at the age of 8, so although i managed to do pretty good things, i obviously had a long time to get to where i am today ///
it's normal that you don't understand anything that's going on for a long time, but don't worry about it, because the important thing is that things are working. you will understand how everything works with practice. now, when it comes to javascript, the thing really complicates. it is much more like actual "programming" than html and css, so you'll have to study harder if you want to make interesting scripts by yourself ; but you don't have to worry about it at the beginning, if programming is not of your interest, because you can find some free scripts that do all sorts of things. it is still possible to make great things only with your interest in the visual side of web design !

good, now that you already have your inspirations, your materials & graphics folder, your useful codes folder, your base codes .. where to post your projects and studies ?
there are several sites where you can post things in html, but i recommend neocities and github ( the one i use ). there you can also host your website without the need for paying for a dedicated server !
on github you can upload plenty of different static websites using one account, by making a repository for each project you have and putting the .html files there, you can change the domains separately and everything.

talking on domains, both neocities and github offer free subdomains, but there are other sites where you can get cute subdomains for free !
for having actual domains you have to buy them, but i used to get some free subdomains at freedns ( just be careful to choose only public domains ).
be careful though : i only recommend using the most popular domains from the first page, some of them have security problems so please be careful .. it's always safer to buy your own domain !
to get ssl on your html pages, remember that all the links you have in your code must be "https", including images and scripts. thus, you will be able to get ssl easily on any platform you are using ! finding good websites ( with ssl ) to host your stuff to use in your codes can be difficult and time-consuming, but i have on the credits page all the sites i use to host each file type ! i recommend each of them, until the present moment.

i think that's all !! everything that i indicated here are things that i legitimately do and that work for me.
seeing ideas starting to become reality is sure to be the biggest motivation for you, so please don't give up before you try !!
i hope from the bottom of my heart that i could help and inspire you somehow

 what is my beauty care ?

 ( november 2018 + january 2023 )

to begin, i would like to say that beauty is directly linked to good things about people. a kind person is certainly very beautiful, and i've talked about it before... but in a more visual way, i believe that the healthier and natural you look, the more beautiful, visually. if you keep artificial and unhealthy, it will be hard to feel comfortable in your body, and that is an important attribute for beauty. people who are just running away from their natural beauty have hard times with self-esteem, and that's sad.
i would like to help, so i'll give you beauty tips on what i value : health and comfort !

  💓 skin care :
i have very sensitive skin, i have allergies frequently. this condition always makes me worry about the products i use. i always use natural products or baby products, these don't give me allergy and luckily are also great, i don't think i should be using any other type of product !
i think it is essential to keep the skin clean, hydrated and free of harsh chemicals. i always wash the skin with natural ( or baby ) soaps, which are very soft and don't take too much natural oil from the skin. my skin is not very oily so i worry about keeping the natural oils and using them to my advantage. i've never had problems with acne or blackheads, but i've always had whiteheads, what have helped me more than anything about them and also keeps my skin completely clean of any pollution are two things : honey and rose milk !
honey is truly amazing, the skin becomes incredibly soft, clean, with an incredible natural glow and it also helps a lot in recovering from any damage, since it has antibacterial and antimicrobial properties. i use honey on my skin frequently, i also use it + sugar to exfoliate from time to time. i always use in bruises and when my skin is having allergic reactions to avoid bigger problems and help in healthy recovery.
rose milk is basically rose water + baking soda and some other things, which make the rose water become milky in texture and color. this mixture cleans a lot from any pollution, it's amazing and i use it whenever i feel i need.
to moisturize my body skin i always use natural oils or baby oil. i apply by massaging on the whole body, especially in areas with more fat, because this helps blood circulation and the skin gets more elasticity. my favorite oils for the body are coconut oil and almond oil. they are also great natural deodorants, and i think the combination of the two smells like vanilla, which is lovely !
to moisturize my face i prefer to use rice cream, as it feels lighter and has lots of benefits & vitamins. when cleaning my face sometimes i use oils ( i like using rosehip oil ), but i always wash them away with water afterwards for avoiding clogged pores.
despite my skin care routine ( with cleansing, exfoliation & hydration ) is only once a day, it's important to keep the skin clean and moisturized all day. during the winter my skin gets very dry, so i'm always moisturizing it, multiple times a day. during the summer my skin can look greasy, especially if i'm outside, so i always clean my face and hands with baby wipes for delicate skin ( washing only with fresh water is most appropriate, but not always possible ) and use moisturizer. keeping the skin fresh is very important to avoid pollution and premature aging !
i can also recommend you to always wash your face with fresh water ( cold water is best so your pores won't be left open ), wear sunscreen every day ( i prefer to use formulas for kids or natural ones with coconut oil ), since the sun is important and it is good to sunbathe in the morning, but the afternoon sun can be terribly bad for your skin .. and of course : drink lots of water ( two liters a day is the minimum ), this is really important !!

  💓 hair care :
because of the sensitivity of my skin, i also use natural products or baby products in my hair, of course. since my hair is completely natural i don't need to worry so much about it, i use few products. my hair is very wavy and long ( hip length ). it is also not too oily, just like my skin, so i also like to take advantage of the natural oils. i usually wash it three times a week in hot weather and twice in cold weather, i only use water and baby shampoo normally. no conditioner. why did i mention the water ? because it is very important, even if you haven't thought about it, it's part of the cleaning process as well. i always wash my hair with plenty of water and rub well the root to spread the natural oils to the tips, only after that i apply a bit of shampoo on the roots to clean the excess oil, sweat and pollution. i feel that this process makes my hair much lighter and it gets very clean, soft and hydrated !
i always dry the roots of my hair with a cold blow drier, i put my hair upside down and run my fingers to help in the process. i only use hair brushes or combs when my hair is completely dry, and it really really helps to avoid breakage !
i like using wide wooden combs, they keep the hair very soft and hydrated up to the tips, plus they don't cause hair loss or frizz. to keep your hair always looking healthy it's very important to brush it multiple times a day, slowly & gently, especially if you went outside because the wind and pollution gives it a greasy look.
for extra hydration i always use natural oils, the same ones i use for my skin. i apply them in my hands first, in small amounts, then i gently tap my hair. i usually do that when my hair is dry, but if needed i apply some extra oil on the tips a few hours before washing it too.
i never use tight elastics in my hair, i avoid any hairstyles that cause breakage ( or headaches ), and from time to time i look for and trim split ends with sharp scissors. i always cut my hair myself !

  💓 makeup :
um i almost don't wear makeup, i don't think i have much experience to talk about it, but i certainly do have my preferences, so i'll share them with you.
i don't like to wear makeup most of the time because i am very "aware" of it in my skin, and it feels weird .. so i mostly use it when i'm in the mood for dressing up, and i always keep it very light. wearing light makeup helps my skin stay healthy, anyway. it doesn't like many products.
i don't like wearing foundation, i just use a light concealer to cover my dark cirles a little bit. i'm used to it though, so i don't go for a 100% coverage and just let it be.
in my eyes i often wear eyelash curler and brown mascara. i prefer the very thin brushes, since they help me achieve the most natural look !
i don't do much with my eyebrows, since i don't really bother with them all natural, but sometimes i use a small trimmer and brown pencil for filling just a little tiny bit.
i don't like bronzer, but i really love blush, a lot, especially cream brush ! i also like highlighter, but i use it wisely ( i try ). i always get inspired in igari makeup and i struggle not to use too much blush and look like sunburned ; ;
on my lips i always moisturize constantly with natural oils ( my lips get dry often i hate it ), but i am truly an eternal lover of lip gloss and lip balm. i don't like lipsticks, though. i like to have my lips super moisturized and shiny, but not very colored.
umm and sometimes i add a little tiny bit of white glitter on my cheeks, lips or eyelids ! i think it's very cute.
for sealing the makeup, if i'm outside for long periods of time, i like using a tiny bit of moisturizing translucent powder. it looks natural, and also feels more comfortable on my skin.

  💓 nails :
i'm also not very experienced with nail art, but i'll talk about my nails anyway.. !
i think there are not many secrets to getting your nails healthy, i think proper nutrition and hydration are the most important thing. my nails grow very fast, just like my hair, i can't really tell the reasons because it was always like this.. but i can say i always keep them super moisturized with natural oils ( the same ones i use for the skin ), i do so multiple times a day using a cuticle pen, whenever i wash my hands, besides regular hand creams.
it's very important to also keep your nails clean and moisturized when outside, so i never forget to carry some baby wipes and moisturizer !
i always cut the cuticles ( not too much, just the excess ) to keep things clean, and avoid picking on them when i'm bored. i prefer to file my natural nails short & oval shape, and i like to wear a thin coat of clear gel polish, just to keep them shiny & cute at all times.
edit // i recently got into nail art again after many years, but now i'm only doing it on fake nails, so i can easily glue them on & off when i'm in the mood for dressing up. way more comfortable !
i file them a little longer than my natural nails & almond shape, and i like to paint them with "jelly" gel polish, making gradients of soft pinks, whites or creams .. sometimes i apply a bit of glitter, or glue little things on them, like ribbons or hearts.

  💓 tl ; dr :
if you always stay clean, moisturized and hydrated you will always be healthy and flawless from the beginning until the end of the day, which will definitely make your life a lot better !!
i don't think it's really necessary to spend lots of time & money to achieve good results. i found over time that using light, natural products, while embracing more my natural appearance work the best .. it feels more like self care.

 why do i truly think the world is beautiful ?

 ( november 2018 )

i want to urgently vent on this, it's so tiring to see people being bitter and negative, i just wanted to say : the world is not ugly.
the world is not a bad place, people are not horrible, life is not sad and tragic, no no no !!!
to begin with, the world is simply neutral. nature works in an extremely balanced way, everything is always in its proper place + bad and good things are equally necessary for everything to work well. it's impossible for a world to be good if only good things exist, i know it's confusing, but good and evil only exist if both exist. and this is something positive !
good experiences are better after bad moments of perseverance to achieve them. dreams are only dreams because they can't be realized right away. the fact that there are bad things and difficulties should be something that motivates you and makes the world interesting and beautiful, not the other way around ; ;
moreover, beauty is something very abstract in general. the world is not really ugly or beautiful, it's neutral because beauty depends on the eyes of the beholder. for example, you may very much like to eat a dish that looks disgusting but has a divine flavor. the "beauty" as we know is something visual, not that it's wrong, since i myself am an extremely visual person and always use this love for beauty to find out more about myself and the world, beautiful things make me feel happy and motivated, i love beauty ; but this is not so important in the world in general.
our sight is something sensitive and if you miss it, it's not as if all the beauty is gone. even if beauty is mostly visual, there is a lot more involved in this concept than we should consider as well. good things are always present in our lives : smells, tastes, sounds, textures... all this is as important as the visual. the beauty is in all this, so it is impossible not to have beauty in all things, no matter how "ugly" it may seem.
the world, life, nature, being perfectly neutral, allow us to take our paths and interpret things as we wish. i consider it healthy enough to be positive and see the usefulness and necessity of bad things as a motivational and educational way, and see good things as blessings to be enjoyed to the fullest, cherished and treasured as nostalgias. i consider the world a perfectly beautiful place because i want to be happy. like, why would i see the bad side of everything on purpose ? this doesn't make sense to me.
my desire is to mature enough to be happy and find beauty and importance in all sorts of things. it's not just a romanticization, it's a way of being able to enjoy life in a healthy and light way, to stay bright and pure no matter what bad experiences you have experienced.
the world is neutral but i consider it the most beautiful thing possible because it is purely perfect exactly as it is.

to complete this subject, i think people are also very negative when they talk about their bodies... and i'm not even talking about visual insecurities about it, but people really underestimate their bodies. our physical body is not just a bunch of flesh and by chance we're stuck inside it, it makes me sad when people talk like that, it's so disrespectful ; ;
our physical body is much more than just where we live, it's an organism. our organism. and even being ours, we control almost nothing about it, have you ever thought of it ? our body digests food all by itself, our body absorbs the vitamins from sunlight all by itself, our body keeps the temperature stable by all by itself, our body heals bruises all by itself !!! this is so wonderful, our body does everything possible to keep us healthy, not just physically, but emotionally as well. our body even offers endorphins to make us feel rewarded when we have good attitudes and everything ( and these genuinely make us happy ). even if you have a terminal illness, your body will never give up trying to heal you, it will try to keep you as healthy as possible until the last second ! i know it's all instinctive and natural, not really an act of voluntary goodness ; but it's still positive, isn't it ?
i honestly feel my heart ache when i see people treating their bodies badly... our bodies are so good to us. yes, it fails sometimes, i myself have several skin allergies and for a long time blamed my body for it. my skin is too sensitive and has exaggerated and bad reactions to deal with things it doesn't approve of, but my skin is not conscious. it doesn't know that it's exaggerating, but it still does a great job and keeps me generally very healthy, so it would be unfair not to like it just because it's too sensitive ///
besides our body always doing its best to keep us safe, healthy and satisfied, it is an important part of nature. our body is much larger than we think, there are infinite other tiny living beings that live in our body! our body is not only good for us as it is for other living beings, and it protects all this "small" ecosystem of living things that is harmful and damages our balance.
it is very important that we take care of our physical body in the best possible way : eat properly, use your muscles, get enough sleep, drink water.. whatever you can do, because it is not only a container for your soul, but a part of nature. being organic can have disadvantages, but being part of nature and being such a complex organism is definitely very rewarding and an experience that we should value !!!

 how to really take care of yourself ?

 ( november 2018 )

i've seen a lot of "self care" content lately, which is pretty good, but some of them are a very confusing or materialistic. i support all sorts of naturally healthy and satisfying tips for our relaxation and well-being ; but some tips are simply toxic, for they force us to do things and be in situations that might do us more harm than good ; ;
i've been feeling kinda sad over the last few days because i've discovered some bad things about people i had not noticed before.. i'm very happy, i'm satisfied with my life, i enjoy every day to the fullest and i try to observe the details and enjoy my time. i have routines and rules to follow that i consider healthy and i feel happy to follow because they bring me good things. i always try to be authentic and sincere, i don't like to pretend or seek approval from other people, i don't do anything that doesn't bring me joy and satisfaction. i give my best to help others in everything i can, and above all, to be happy. and i am happy. i have several life goals, but i'm happy at the moment too, because i live completely and honestly. i believe that i take good care of myself, since i feel happy, right ?
but i realized that people who are following standards for their lives, who are not honest with themselves, who seek happiness just in the future, in objects, in appearance, in relationships... people who are not happy, they can't accept that some people can be happy. truly happy. i realized that some people think i'm "weird" and antisocial, maybe even depressive, because i don't have a very active social life, because i don't maintain relationships with people who are toxic, because i don't force myself to do things that make me sad. i felt sad about it because i realized that it is impossible to "prove" to people that i really am happy and that i could even try to help them to be happier, too. they just don't believe me. they just keep "caring" about me and trying to help me ( ????? )
so after reading about these attitudes i was able to learn something crucial about self care : do nothing that is not comfortable for you.
i know that sometimes we need to make efforts to achieve our goals, but don't push yourself beyond the limit. if something you do is sincerely making you sad and making your life bad, don't do it.
it's hard because people are going to think bad things about you, especially if for being happy you need to isolate yourself a bit socially. i'm a very introverted person so for me it is sincerely very uncomfortable being in some situations, and i don't put myself into them, i refuse. i'm honest and i just hope people will respect me, but people don't respect that kind of choice because they think we have to constantly fight against ourselves to fit patterns and thus be happy.
a good example : your dream of full happiness is to live on a farm completely isolated from society. you accomplish this dream and you are more fully happy than you have ever been before !! people should be happy for you, right ? in fact, they will always tend to feel sorry for you and think that you are isolating yourself, depressingly. this is because they can't imagine themselves in the same situation as you as something good, it's not like they're being purposely inconvenient, they just don't understand. and that's why some self care tips are not always good or work for everyone ; everyone's happiness is found in different ways. we must respect this !
you will never be happy if you force yourself to do things that make you sad, if you keep on seeking incessantly for happiness, molding yourself to be the "rich", "healthy", "successful", "beautiful", "friendly" people think you need to be ; this is not how life works. there's no way you can fit into all these molds, it's an unobtainable ideal. being happy and taking good care of yourself is much simpler than it seems, it just involves being yourself and doing what you love
fill your life with things that make you smile, that make you feel healthy and full. fill your life and your mind with your purity, your essence, you can be happy just being full. that is perfection. there is no better self care than being happy now and with what you have : you will be a much better, secure, kinder, wiser person ; you will be better for yourself and for others !!!
i know it may seem a bit vague, but it's just that : don't take self care tips "for your own good", even if it comes from people you love, if those tips don't make you happy. it's just not good or right.

 why is the virtual world often overrated ?

 ( december 2018 )

as you know, i am very involved with the "virtual world". the internet is part of my life and many of my works are digital. even so, i highly value the caution in creating a "virtual identity" just as i think it's sorely primordial to avoid spending too much time on the internet and overvalue the virtual world.
i learned over time that the virtual world may seem "perfect" and incredible, just as it very easily occupies our time ( often not free time ) and entertains us ; but it's also very limited, so it is not worth replacing your "real life" time.
the internet can be very useful for learning new things, interacting with people from all over the world, personal improving, and even for sorts of important jobs and hobbies, which is why i love the internet and value it. but the internet can only stimulate our sight and hearing, and we have five senses. only real life can stimulate all five senses and bring us full life experiences full of sensations and feelings !!
you can't eat freshly picked wild berries, you can't feel the scent of flowers, you can't pet a fluffy animal, you can't hug people you love over the internet. don't substitute your real time for the virtual, it's not worth it. the internet has many limitations, it is inferior in comparison.
and just as all experiences are much more intense and wonderful in real life, you too can only be as perfect and better as possible in real life. the virtual identity that we create exists to allow us to introduce others who are far from us, we can put together the best visuals we can offer and we can also publish works and receive reviews and feedback, we can learn and improve ; but you really are much more special with all the details. your image and voice are not all you have to offer, you in real life are a complete person and if you focus on improving yourself as a whole and not only superficially, you can enjoy the virtual world and the world real in the best way possible : beneficial, fun and above all, healthy !

 what is my role in life ?

 ( january 2019 )

the meaning of things is usually something melancholy to think about, since although things all happen with a reason, these reasons are so vague and neutral that they don't satisfy us. things happen because they need to happen, but they can be painful and it's impossible to stop the pain. for example, we feel sad if we are lonely, but we also feel sad if we love people and they are gone ( and one day they will ). it's inevitable.
but i don't like to think of things in a pessimistic way, so i've always focused on something that i call "my role in life". this is what i must fulfill and that is what motivates me every day. it's something very simple, but at the same time so complicated.. to be happy.
nothing in life makes sense if you're not happy, but anything and everything becomes magical if you feel happy. it doesn't really matter if that was fate or not, if happiness is just chemical produced by your brain, because the feeling is magical and welcoming. all good feelings : excitement, comfort, satisfaction, passion.. all of them are the goals in our lives. if nature has given us such good feelings to encourage us to keep going, i believe that is what we should do.
i realized that to achieve my happiness i must have a pure heart, full of love.. i need innocence to enjoy all the wonderful little things of life in complitude. if i had been born in different living conditions, with another DNA, i certainly would not be the one i know today. i would not have learned or experienced the same things, so i would be someone else ; but that doesn't diminish for me the importance of purity. it's not about fitting into some pattern of pure and perfect angel, but rather embracing with all your heart all that your life has offered you until today and thereby forming your personality in the most positive way possible. every single person have purity, every one may be the best within one's own existence.
something that makes me truly happy is to be able to teach how to be the best version of yourself, spreading happiness, love and sharing everything i've learned to this day. although i can't reach many people, although i can't really interfere with their lives and make them happy, i do my best. i want to continue to the end of my life being as happy as i can and helping other people as much as i can, especially the ones i love.
some people will never learn to be happy, some people will never truly love. perhaps, the life given to them did not bring enough opportunities. maybe they just have a different way of seeing life. i believe it doesn't matter the way you see things, your personality or your appearance, for these are just consequences of your life, easily moldable. what matters is that inside your heart you can feel the warmth and magic that is love. if you love, you can become better, there is hope !

 how to care of the ego without letting it consume you ?

 ( march 2019 )

the ego is all that you were not naturally, all that you have consumed and learned from life experiences. the ego is not necessarily bad, but it is definitely dangerous..
your ego is the cause of all your insecurities and social problems ; every time you feel dissociated or afraid of other people's opinion about you is because you're trying to make your ego stronger and protect it. the thing is .. you have nothing to be afraid of !
no one can actually stole who you are, even if you feel like you're similar to others in some way of trying to replicate others to become better, it's just your way of learning. it may be not the best way of improving, but it's what you have now, so it's important being patient with yourself !!
everything i've learned and got inspired by others is just what made me improve and mature, it's not a bad thing. i also believe that if i am inspiring others in a good way, it's a good thing !!
it would be impure if i was changing who i am, but i am in fact just polishing myself. i can feel what is artificial and what is not ; so i trust myself to get inspiration and improve with time and experiences.
i realize that overcoming this fear is really important, since it's really hurtful and hard to improve if i keep feeling afraid of trying new things, changing and not being approved by others.. !
i can clearly see when people are truly giving me useful and important criticism, and when they're just trying to make me sad because they're frustrated with themselves. i still feel afraid of making people feel frustrated, but it's inevitable. bad feelings are also part of life, and i feel blessed for being able to feel these things and keep learning from it !!
the ego keeps making me think that i should protect my individuality and my beliefs, that if someone dislike me it's because i'm making something wrong, they're trying to make me unmotivated.. and they're getting it .
this is really bad, i now can see that it's natural if i make mistakes, even if i'm not making mistakes someone will not agree with me, everyone interpret things differently. i just hope people keep growing up and learning.. and they are !
individuality is not something that can be stolen, your ego may seem artificial sometimes but if you keep your purity and just do things that you want from heart, everything is okay
who you are is not just visuals, musical tastes, mannerisms .. you're actually really unique, since ever. no one is truly similar to you, at all ! maybe similar to your ego, but it keeps evolving anyways. it is important to be able to representate your personality through your ego, you can help others to understand themselves and feel really comfortable in your body if you learn to look and act how you think it's the best version of you. if you're not making up your ego for others but using it as a way of expressing yourself, it's healthy and valid !!
embrace your actual perfection, within your abilities and reality
everyone is trying, and sometimes there will be mean people out there. you're strong enough for understanding they're just sad and immature, they don't actually care about you personally, if you did nothing wrong. your ego makes you fragile and easily offended, but you have nothing to be afraid of !
these are some important reminders for you and i...
everyone learns to keep their purity in different paces, so if someone can feel suddenly confused and unsatisfied with themselves by trying to copy who i am, it's not my fault .. i always try to make it clear that purity is important..
i just want to be happy, and i want others to be happy too. i know that i must accept who i am and love myself to achieve happiness !

 why do i like imageboards ?

 ( april 2019 )

i have seen many people saying that imageboards are toxic and hateful environments. i have had particularly varied experiences in such environments, not just ibs but other places that are also open to different subjects, and because these are anonymous environments, it is easy to see people saying hateful thoughts..
such people may or may not have gone through difficult things in life and they feel the need to vent terrible things on the internet. i consider myself a very patient person with open environments like this, because i've already been able to talk about very interesting and fun subjects with good-hearted people in places like this. it is possible to have good experiences !
currently, i have found it very difficult to find good content on the more popular imageboards, as these places have become quite the focus of hate texts, once they gain popularity among extremist movements. i definitely do not support or pay attention to this sort of thing, since it doesn't do any good for anyone.
but i will be honest with you : i feel safer seeing random hate speech on anonymous forums than on social media. that's because on an anonymous place you know that people are being honest and silly without thinking much, while when people are straightforward being hateful on an open, public website, using their real life names and all that ... isn't that super scary ??
i mean, it just shows that some groups of people aren't, at all, afraid or ashamed to say such things for everyone to see, but even worse, trying to get reputation on that. trying to get LIKES over hate speech. it makes me sick !
( yes, sometimes it's just edgy behavior, but sometimes it isn't, and it's hard to tell.. )

i used to go to these places with some frequency because it was easy to find ibs where the anonymity was absolute, that is, it was not spoken in gender or any subject that revealed particularities about the users. this avoided most of the unpleasant and problematic issues, leaving room for healthy and interesting discussions. i learned a lot and met very nice people in these spaces.
i still really like to visit ibs, but unfortunately, it's a bit hard to find ibs that are full 100% anonymous nowadays. more often you will find places where you must be of a specific gender, and i find that a bit silly sometimes ( though i do appreciate safe female spaces ) .
many people say there are rejections in specific places against groups of people as well. this is real, but not just in anonymous places, i've seen it all over the internet ( and out of it too ) !!
if you pay close attention, you will find all sorts of people rejecting and avoiding contact with other types of people, because they had bad experiences multiple times. that's basically it.
i believe that any passive or aggressive rejection against people by their sєx, age, beliefs, tastes, thoughts, is the fruit of past bad experiences. i don't like to judge people by such attitudes as long as they can be understanding, i think no one need to accept interactions with people who don't want to, i think it's important to respect environments made for a specific type of audience. i've never disrespected public rules anywhere because it seems to me too immature to force your presence into places where you're not welcome just to be "edgy" or "revolutionary" ; it's disrespectful to use personal information as an advantage in anonymous places, i don't support this. but obviously i can't stand threatenings or hate texts, as this is sick and negative !
i really value respect among people and believe that anonymity should serve to make people "impartial" and away from judgments, to say what they really think, so that it can be productive for the personal development of everyone. it is possible to exchange good arguments and spend good moments of entertainment and learning with people if they respect each other and don't judge for personal details. i believe that anonymity makes environments nicer for complicated topics, an environment becomes pure from the moment people don't have personal information about each other.
please don't be hateful, please don't be mean !! it's hard to deal with differences, but people are not supposed to hate each other. everyone is different and have problems, and that's okay. you don't have to interact with people you don't like, but it's not right to write hate texts ; ;

i support anonymous discussion environments, and respect above all. my good experiences were much more relevant than the bad ones, although i have a hard time finding comfortable places on internet as a whole, i know it's possible !
unfortunately ibs can be, indeed, very dirty places, frequented by frustrated teenagers who want to feel special and part of some sort of "secret movement" that rules the world through memes.. seriously. although i believe myself in "the power of the internet", using it to feel better than others is pathetic.

fortunately, i still know places on the internet that are good for healthy anonymous interaction 
there are not many, but i really really like them, even when not perfect. things are temporary, so it's not smart to waste time complaining, right ?