・ take a warm bath / shower
・ wrap yourself in a cozy blanket
・ drink tea + a spoon of honey
・ caress your hair and massage your shoulders
・ do something that distracts you and makes you feel happy
if you feel numb :
・ wash your face or take a cold shower
・ hold an ice cube around your arms or legs
・ eat an ice cream
self care ideas :
・ eat fruit or something sweet
・ take a warm bath with lots of bubbles !!
・ brush hair gently
・ walk outside barefoot, look at nice flowers
・ listen to soft nice music
・ go to the thrift store and buy nice old clothes
・ bake something
・ do laundry and make clothes smell nice
・ brush a cat
if you cut yourself :
・ fade the scars with aloe vera juice, vitamin e oil, lemon juice. you can also hide it with make up !
・ substitutes for cutting : draw something with a red or a black pen where you want to cut ; put band aids in the place where you want to cut ; get a scrap book and write down your feelings, scribblings, drawings or poems on it
・ please remember your body is really precious, it's a wonderful organism, always doing its best to keep you healthy. without it, you couldn't do many things and live happy experiences. your body is an ecosystem and there is a lot of life in it, hurting it is like hurting a forest !!
・ the sensation you feel when cutting yourself is the release of endorphins because your body is trying to make you feel better to fight the pain. you don't have to hurt it to get endorphins ! if you're feeling bad you can try walking out, cleaning your room, anything that makes you feel exhausted and proud. i promise, it's way way better !
stress relief :
・ meditate - try to clear your mind
・ take a 5 minute break to focus on your breathing
・ talk to others about how you feel, it will calm you down and they might help you
・ take a warm bath/shower
・ do something that makes you laugh ( watch some funny videos )
・ create a list of calm songs and listen to it, you can also find ready playlists
・ take a walk outsider, exercise is very important
・ observe the sky and the ambient sounds
・ drink tea + spoon of honey
・ if you want to suicide for any reason rembeber that you will go through your problems like many other people
・ say to yourself that you will wait 24 hours before doing it. or more. feelings and action are two different things, just because you feel that like killing yourself you don't actually have to do it right now
・ people often choose suicide to relief their pain. remember that relief is a feeling and you need to be alive to feel it. you won't find relief if you're dead
・ instead of ending your life, try to begin it.
・ if something goes wrong, never give up! always try to look at the bright side
・ cherish the great things on your life
・ bad thoughts are not welcome !!!
・ socialize, even if you don't want to be around anyone
・ talk to new people, just for talk
・ smile and stay positive !
how to fall back in love with life :
・ clean your room, clean space, clean the dishes, sweep. take out the trash. peel the clothes off the floor and wash them, and then actually fold / hang them. take a long shower. scrub behind your knees. brush your teeth ( this can be utterly exhausting, but try to get it done in a day, if you can. the end result is worth it i promise ! )
・ pull out your notebook. it doesn't need to be a new notebook, but preferably one that you don't usually write in, or that you haven't touched in a while. a cute one will work fine. sit in your room, or in the park, or in the library, and write a list. count clouds. describe all the colors that you see, and note patterns that arise. sketch the cracks in the walls. note the shape light makes when it enters a space. talk about what the air tastes like, smells like. what sounds are there ? even the white nose, break that down : air planes, fans, cicadas, anything. remind yourself that you are sitting in the middle of a space brimming with detail. remind yourself that you are not in nothingness and emptiness. your world is fathomless. it has potential
・ drink cold water and try to eat something that isn't processed. it doesn't need to be fancy. buy yourself an apple with the change between your couch cushions. eat it outside. if you're someone who walks, walk somewhere afterwards, just to stretch your legs. take your meds. remember that it's a good thing that you are inside your body. your body is a fantastic and endlessly intricate machine, and even though society has smacked a bunch of poisonous ideas on it, that doesn't change its inherent worth and splendor. take care of it !
・ read a novel. underline your favorite lines, and write phrases that twist your heart inside your chest on the back of your hand with an ink pen. read a novel like it's poetry. read poetry, something decadent but unpretentious. watch a movie you haven't seen before. if there are free art galleries near you, walk through one. take your time. let yourself bask. if there are patterns in what makes your soul ache, write those patterns down : marbles arches or soot crumbling bricks or dandelions or descriptions of dresses or whatever it is, write them down
・ your chosen family is important. remember, they picked you as much as you picked them. the love has no obligation. it is given freely and it is given from a place of compassion. you are not a burden. if you need to breathe, take a minute by yourself and just exist, but remember to go back to your people. when they need you, listen and be gracious. always be gracious. the universe sometimes remembers things like that
・ listen to new music. listen to something that you don't usually listen to. we tend to tie up a lot of memory with music. we are falling in love again. the soundtrack needs to be specific to that
・ allow yourself to indulge in romantics. press flowers in old books. play movies with subtitles and mouth the words. dance in your room. wear something that makes you feel good, even if you wouldn't wear it in public. write your chosen family letters, even if you hand deliver them. write poetry, even awful poetry. revel in its awfulness. eat dark chocolate. when your chosen family want to go out, try to go out with them sometimes, even if it's just to the market !
easing depression symptoms :
・ turn the lights on and open a window
・ eat something healthy and drink cold water
・ create a comfortable playlist to when you feel bad
・ take a relaxing bath
・ watch funny videos
・ wear your fav outfit
・ pick a hobby
・ read a good book or watch a good movie
・ remember that you are very important and should take care of yourself with love
coping with panic feelings :
・ remember, feelings of panic are just exaggerations of normal bodily stress reactions.
・ sensations are neither harmful nor dangerous - just unpleasant. nothing worse will happen.
・ stop adding to the panic with frightening thoughts of where panic will lead.
・ stay in the present. be aware of what is happening to you rather than concern yourself with how much worse it might get.
・ wait and give fear time to pass.
・ notice that when you stop adding to panic with frightening thoughts, the fear begins to fade.
・ focus on coping with facing the fear rather than trying to avoid it or escape from it.
・ lock around you. plan what you will do next as the panic subsides.
・ think about the progress made so far, despite all the dificulties.
・ when you are ready to go on, do so in an easy, relaxed manner. there is no hurry.
・ each time you cope with panic, you reduce your fear !
let it go :
・ face and accept what happened, supression doesn't work as long-term solution
・ identify the lessons you learned from what happened and write them in a notebook. everytime you have painful memories just read the lessons
・ don't forget : the past experiences does not determine who you are, you're a strong person now and only you can choose your future and the person you want to be
・ always seek peace. when you're at peace, old painful memories have less power
・ always focus and live in the present
・ forgive ( for your own sake ) try to heal from what happened then let it go. don't get attatched to what happened
・ the daily struggles worth it because one day you'll be free
depression tips :
・ shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as you like, you don't even need to wash, just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta
・ moisturize everything. use whatever lotion you like. unscented ? 48 hour lotion that makes you smell like a field of wildflowers ? use whatever you want, and use it all over
・ put on clean, comfortable clothes
・ put on your favorite underwear. cute lacy panties ? those ridiculous boxers you bought last christmas ? whatever you like !
・ drink cold water. use ice. if you want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost
・ clean something. doesn't have to be anything big, organize one drawer of your desk. wash five dirty dishes, do a load of laundry
・ listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that's got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both
・ make food, don't just grab a granola bar to munch, take the time and make food. even if it's ramen ! add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you'll feel like you accomplished something
・ make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don't think you're good at it !
・ go outside, take a walk, sit in the grass, look at the clouds, smell flowers, put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin
・ call or text someone. a loved one, a friend, a family member, a chat service if you have no one else to talk. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone's voice. if you can't, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don't say much, listen to them
・ cuddle your pets if you have them / can cuddle them, take pictures of them, talk to them. tell them how you feel !
how to care for introverts :
・ NEVER try to make them extroverts ; respect their introversion
・ respect their privacy
・ never embarass them in public
・ give them time to think ; don't demand instand answers
・ don't interrupt them
・ give them 15 minute warnings to finish what they're doing
・ don't push them to make lots of friends ; it's ok to try to find them a best friend with the same interests / abilities
misconceptions about introverts :
・ they don't like people
・ they're unfriendly
・ they lack emotions and feel things less intensely
・ they're not interested in what matters to other people
・ they're not easily hurt by others. you can exclude or leave them and it won't affect them deeply
・ they're serious and have a lack of sense of humour
what to do after a really long cry :
・ take a shower and change all of your clothes even your socks and underwear. this is the first step to everything
・ pour yourself a big, cold glass of water and drink it. all of it. once you're done, get yourself a refill. this will boost you physically and emotionally instantly please trust me
・ grab a snack, something light that you don't have to wait to prepare. i recommend a pudding cup, a piece of fruit, yogurt, a popsicle, or some crackers
・ get under the covers. turn on something - tv, a movie, music, anything distracting. or consider calling a friend or talking to anyone nearby, even your sibling the next room over !!
・ you're probably feeling all kinds of exhausted and drained and i don't want that for you in the slightest: know that you are loved. you are important. you mean more than you know right now, more than you will maybe ever know. you are worth all the stars in the sky. you deserve to feel good
things that will happen to you :
・ you will find a new song that you can play on repeat when you can't sleep
・ new people will come into your life unexpectedly and make everything better
・ you will get good grades, graduate and find a job that you like
・ your heart will heal and you'll slowly learn to manage the pain
・ good things that will make you very happy to be alive !
relaxing during that time of the month :
・ drink lots of tea
・ a warm bath will make everything better
・ listen to some relaxing music
・ do something to distract you
・ watch a movie
・ take a walk outside and get some fresh air
・ wear only comfortable clothing
・ soft physical activity can help
・ go to the bathroom more often
how to stop procrastinating :
・ to start, do it slowly ! 15 minutes at a time is enough, so rest a little and continue until you get into and don't need to stop
・ make a list of what you have to do, start with the easiest things to not feel tired fast
・ stay away from social media !!! they get your attention all the time and make you lose focus
・ never punish yourself for procrastinating, it’s natural, be kind to yourself !
if you have low self esteem :
・ treat the others the way you'd like them to treat you, and treat yourself the way you'd treat a person you love very much !
・ don't blame yourself ! its normal to make mistakes
・ never put yourself down !
・ look after yourself and do things that make you comfortable and do what makes you happy !
・ other people might have negative opinions towards you ; opinions and facts are not the same !!!
・ always put yourself in first place. if you put other in first place they will get used to it
・ everyone has a different kind of beauty, not based on the media. find yours !
・ find something you're good at ( like drawing, cooking, gardening ) and use it as a hobbie
little things you can do to improve your mental health :
・ make sure you go outside, or change your environment at least once a day
・ text and message your friends. make sure you don't isolate yourself !
・ budget for small treats and indulgences
・ decide to say "no" to people-pleasing tendencies. be secure in who you are and in what you want for "you" !
・ invest in hobbies which your genuinely enjoy, and which tend to leave you feeling good about yourself
・ have a favourite playlist which you know will lift your mood
・ decorate your space or room in a way that reflects you
・ limit how much time you spend with those who drain your energy
・ treat yourself the way you'd treat a special person, or good friend
・ don't compare yourself to others, just appreciate being you
how to get better at something :
・ " practice, practice, practice, and all will come "
・ your opinion first ! the opinion of others is important if you want to improve, but the most important is that you are enjoying what produced and it's not affecting anyone in a negative way, of course
how to care for anxious people :
・ reassure them constantly
・ share plans with them
・ hugs make everything better
・ don't make any surprises unless you know it will make them happy
・ be there !
anxiety attack :
・ look around you and try to find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste
・ stop whatever you are doing! you may end later when you're feeling better, you need to take care of yourself at the moment! you'll not get anywhere if you don't stop everything and focus on anxiety.
・ occupy all your senses will help you a lot. i usually eat something very soft ( i can also touch it ) and good for my taste, like bread, a soft cake or pudding while watching some relaxing video
・ anxiety attacks happen because you start hyperventilating; whenever you start feeling anxiety symptoms dont be scared, just remember those symptoms is your brain telling you to breathe because youre not breathing properly. therefore, breathe deeply
small things to improve your life :
・ change your bedding each month
・ wake up early ( at least before 10am )
・ spend more time with people you really love
・ fairy lights everywhere
・ wash your face daily
・ moisturize regularly
・ bake some healthy treats
・ don't wear any make up, at least while you're at home
・ clean your room at least every two weeks
・ run outside
・ get a new towel regularly
・ invest time in cooking awesome meals
・ discover new music
・ spend less time online
・ take your vitamins
・ eat lots of fruit
・ light some scent candles
・ only go to bed to sleep ( chill on the sofa )
・ open your room's windows
・ have warm showers ( but not too warm, just comfortable )
・ keep a good posture
・ stretch in the morning
・ eat in smaller portions and at higher frequency
・ drink two liters of water per day
・ regulate the lighting of your devices and your home, more or less illumination causes many problems
・ listen to music at an average volume, your ear will get used to it, i promise
・ NEVER try to make them extroverts; respect their introversion
・ let them know you are there for them and you wont leave
・ if they're inside, lock all the doors and windows possible, show them everything is locked
・ keep them talking or distract them
・ tell them gently and calmly that they are safe and protected
・ do not act annoyed or call their fear stupid/childish
・ do not insist everything is fine or tell them to get over it
tips to show kindness :
・ always be positive, patient, encouraging
・ be willing to help others
・ notice the little things that make difference to others
・ don't hold grudges - forgive and forget
・ be polite, respectful and understanding
・ look for practical tips to help others
・ don't get involved in gossip or drama, this kind of environment doesn't do any good
・ do not encourage anyone to attack other people because this person has done something bad, bad words and intimidation don't teach anyone to be a better person. try to talk privately peacefully, then if nothing can be done, report.
things that make people feel loved :
・ making them a playlist
・ baking them cookies
・ giving them flowers
・ creating art for them
・ random reminders that they are loved
・ writing them a poem
・ complimenting them on their talents
・ asking how their day was
・ sending them links to things you think they will like
・ random hugs
・ "this made me think of you"
little things that help moods :
・ getting enough sunshine
・ opening the curtains
・ eating regular meals
・ short walks with your favourite music
・ don't stay up / out past midnight
・ don't try to relate to "relatable" posts
・ get off social media if it's unhealthy
・ don't stay in bed the whole day
・ plan out your day
・ listen to music
・ change your clothes
・ set yourself small goals
・ say yes to fun events and no to uncomfortable ones
・ drink water, it takes 5 seconds
・ talk to a close friend
・ remind yourself : a bad mood can lie to you
・ you're not unwanted or hopeless
・ you deserve love so be nice to yourself
what to do when people are spreading rumors about you :
・ you know whether or not this information is real, whether it's false or whether it's misinterpreted, then you must first calm down and reflect on your situation
・ do not talk about it until you know what to say, do not write huge texts, do not record videos crying, it will only make you look like an immature and dramatic person !
・ talk to someone you trust about what people are talking about, it's important to vent at those times, so you will know what to do and you will not feel the need to vent publicly
・ if it's real information: but you feel bad about the way people are talking about it, if it's something you did not want anyone to know, it depends on your case and the seriousness of the subject. you can talk about how you feel about it, justify your actions or just ignore. remember not to turn it into a drama because it will not help. if it's something that you can change and improve, go for it, be strong, accept criticism. if it's something you have no control over, do not blame yourself, do not blame others. being a mature person and staying calm is the best way to deal with such situations
・ if it's false information: you can try to clear things up, try to get proof if you can. don't worry about people's reaction to this, because who cares and trusts you will believe your words. do not keep on the subject for too long, be brief and quick. if you didn't do anything wrong, you have no reason to worry !
・ in any case: do not offend anyone, do not exaggerate in words, do not become a victim, do not turn the situation into a great drama. this is very important and only then people will take you seriously
problems with blood pressure :
・ if you feel you are sick or is going to faint, watch for symptoms before taking further action. just in case, it is best to sit down, breathe deeply, drink some water and get help
・ DO NOT take action if you are unsure of how's your pressure ! this is very important. for example if you take water with sugar and your blood pressure is low, you will probably feel worse because it only helps in cases of high blood pressure. so don't try to do anything alone if you are not absolutely sure what happened, just relax and have a glass of water.
・ a way to distinguish the symptoms of high blood pressure or low pressure is that during low pressure, the individual tends to feel weak, drowsy, blurred vision and with the sensation that will pass out, while the high pressure is most frequent feel the heart pounding, persistent headache and double or blurred vision. however, the most effective way is to differentiate measuring the blood pressure.
・ in the event of high pressure, the individual must take an orange juice and try to calm down, because the orange helps regulate the pressure to be diuretic and rich in potassium and magnesium. sugar + water also helps. if you take some medicine for high blood pressure prescribed by the doctor, you should take it. if after one hour the pressure still remain high, you must go to the hospital to take medicine to lower blood pressure.
・ in the event of low pressure, you must sit in a cool place, loosen your clothes and elevate your legs in order to increase blood circulation in the brain and regulate blood pressure. when symptoms of low pressure passed, you can get up normally, however, must rest and avoid making sudden movements. put a pinch of fine salt under the tongue should help too.
myths regarding children's diabetes :
・ diabetes on children dissapear when they grow up - no it will not dissapear.
・ if your child have got diabetes, it's because she have been eating to much sugar - no, you don´t get diabetes 1 from eating sugar. you get it because of an autoimmune disorder.
・ a child who have diabetes can't eat sweets at all - wrong. she can, it's just have to be a little better planed, together with her dinner.
・ if the glucose value jump up and down, you have done something wrong. - wrong. even if you have the proper doses and insulin sort, and you have done what you can, your child's glucose value can still jump up and down. some children are hard to hold an a level of 5-7 mmol.
・ give preference to eat light and nutritious food especially at night
・ always try to sleep and wake up the same time, including on weekends
・ take a relaxing warm bath and stay a moment in a calm and peaceful environment before going to sleep. read something instead of watching tv or use the internet can help bring sleep well
・ take a soothing tea such as lemon balm or valerian about 30 minutes before going to bed
・ i don't recommend listening to music while sleeping, unless it is a very soft music and with low volume. listen to loud music all night can do harm to your ears, and give a headache !
・ i highly recommend ASMR videos ( if you don't know what that means, see here ) ! i have an asmr playlist you can check here
・ if you go to watch videos before bed just watch those that will relax you and make you sleepy. please be sure to use a blue light filter to do no harm to your eyesight, and i recommend just listening to the audio at minimum volume for faster sleep. ( don't forget to take off your earphones before falling asleep )
・ make a diary of your sleep ! write down the time you woke up, the number of hours slept and the quality of your sleep. this will help you improve
・ if you are sleeping properly, will have no trouble getting up early. if still, try to deal quickly with something to wake up on time: get out of the bed quickly and prepare some coffee, take your phone, play some games or see your social networks, detach from your bed, the day started !
happy things to think of :
・ being sleepy from too much sun
・ stuffed animals that are special to you
・ filling up photo albums with adventures
・ flowers pressed in a book
・ watching your favourite person sleep
・ having nice stranger moments with strangers
・ seeing someone smile genuinely at you
・ laying down at the end of the day and feeling the soreness slowly leave you
・ coming into a warm room from the cold
・ talking passionately about your interests to someone who cares
・ waking up naturally
・ cute birds chirping
・ how people react when you compliment them
fear of abandonment :
・ you must tie in your mind : you are not a bad person. you have many qualities and if you realize this you will know that there is no reason for anyone to abandon you. write down a list of your qualities, all you can think of, and then your bad side. you will realize that your bad side is your fears and insecurities ( or very small and irrelevant things ). they can be overcome and improved, they are not part of your personality, different from your qualities ( you're absolutely good enough !! )
・ people come and go in your life, just like you do in their lives. this is not bad or wrong, even though it can be very painful when it happens to you, it's a natural process and doesn't mean that they don't like you or that you are less important. it was not something you did, it's not anyone's fault. it's life following its course, just how seasons change and time passes ( and yes they can come back, be patient )
・ it's common to think of patterns to understand people's attitudes and "fix" them so they wouldn't "punish" you anymore. this doesn't work because it is not really something that has to do with you, people have their own reasons to move away from others and can not be avoided. enjoy every second and don't think about it because it will only cause suffering and disrupt your happy memories ( which are surely eternal )
how to feel real :
・ turn out the lights and open the windows, whatever the time is, whatever the weather. feel the natural light, the smells that come from outside, the sounds, the breeze on your face. you are part of nature.
・ drink a large glass of water, eat a fruit. feel the flavors, the textures. feel how you swallow and how your body appreciates all your efforts in keeping you healthy. you are alive.
・ take off your clothes and touch your skin and hair. notice how the textures are different, how some parts are warmer than others. feel the softness and endurance of your body. you are perfect.
・ look carefully at all the small details of the environment you are in. look for life : small plants, small bugs, even mold. write down everything interesting that you have found. look out the window and see the sights, the world is so big. you are never alone.
・ go outside, step barefoot on the grass. take a deep breath, feel your heartbeat. lie down on the grass and start writing and scribbling all you can think of, all random words, weird shapes. write down your little wishes, what you want from the bottom of your heart right now. don't think much, just vent. you are pure.
・ put instrumental music to play as a soundtrack for your life. choose something that is compatible with your feelings. dance in the moonlight. you are real.
things to release endorphins in everyday life :
・ endorphins are the hormones that make us feel happy and are important because they avoid depression, anxiety and keeps us motivated + with good self-esteem. these are things i usually do to release endorphins in a practical way when i'm feeling sad :
・ oxytocin : give and receive gifts and compliments !!!
・ dopamine : fulfill little tasks, start new projects !!!
・ serotonin : feel happy nostalgia, discover new cool things !!!
・ endorphin : watch or read dramatic stories, dance and sing !!!
・ anandamina : eating bitter chocolate is always good !!!
・ exercising always helps a lot to release endorphins ! it can be something like organizing and cleaning, the important thing is to spend energy
・ interacting with other people is also very good, but this should be done carefully so as not to force yourself to hold uncomfortable conversations and bad relationships, or overwhelm others with your need. being happy alone is the most important !!
・ be careful not to start bad practices when you feel the lack of endorphins. whenever you feel discouraged, before you do something think whether or not this is good for you, for real. it's easy to make mistakes and feel addicted to doing things that hurt us ( and hurt others ) due to lack of endorphins
・ remember that it is natural to feel desires ( sometimes selfish or even immoral ), but you are conscious and strong enough, always think before you act and everyting will be fine ♡ !
selfishness x self respect :
・ selfishness is putting the wants of yourself over the needs of others.
・ self respect is putting the needs of yourself over the wants of others.
・ one is disregarding others, one is taking care of yourself.
・ the difference between the two is the difference between being a friend and a doormat.
・ taking care of yourself does not make you a bad person !!!!
how to stay on top of life when feeling sad :
・ acknowledge how you feel, and accept that this is going to be a more challenging day
・ commit to doing the absolute essentials but don't push yourself to do everything
・ prioritize what's important. for example, if you have a paper due that is worth a large percentage of your marks, work on that. if it is something that can wait, set it aside for now.
・ work through your to-do list in small chunks of time - making sure you get plenty of breaks
・ tell someone who will understand. we need to get support when we're feeling low but not everyone will be there for you. figure out who will be there, and who won't
・ be wise in your use of social media. it may be good to go offline for a while, to switch off your phone and to protect yourself from stuff that just exacerbates the way you feel
・ make sure you leave the house and get a change of scenery
・ deliberately invest in some form of self-care, and make sure it’s something that you know will help your mood
・ remember that tomorrow is another day !
how to have healthy friendships :
・ it's normal for some people not to want new friends, when approaching someone don't think about rejection as something personal. you're not boring or annoying because someone doesn't want to have new friends !
・ everyone needs time to do their own thing and to talk to other people, if a friend is distant it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't want to talk to you or is tired of you. most likely it's nothing directly related to you.
・ you don't have to be close to someone to be a good friend to them and exchange good times together ! it's okay to interact less intimately with other people, you don't have to force approach or feel less valid by not being their best friend.
・ having groups of friends is fun, but it's also very romanticized. the larger the group, the more people in it don't really feel included, so valuing the few friendships is what's really important. having individual friends is not a bad thing, even because in groups of friends, there are always some that are closer to each other, it's not really possible to be extremely close to so many people equally !!
・ having virtual friends is no less relevant than having friends in real life, you can still exchange experiences, feelings and even be very close without being literally close! many real-life friendships are superficial, which proves that what really matters is that your hearts are connected.
・ being someone's best friend is not the most important thing in the world, you are still equally valid and can make people happy not being their best friend. by the way, what makes someone your best friend is more a matter of time, and doesn't really relate to who you are. if you simply were not lucky enough to have a close friendship for many years it doesn't say anything about who you are because it's just luck !
・ friends who go away is normal and part of life ; people start new phases and new experiences and often don't have as much time to keep as many friends as they have before ( often they can't keep any ). take this opportunity to meet new people, because there are so many lovely people to meet you ! whine for something that wasn't anyone's fault is not worth it.
how to deal with loneliness :
・ start new hobbies! there are endless fun activities to do that will take up your time. some things like crafts, reading, writing, gardening ; all activities you do alone, anyway.
・ watch movies, series, play something new and fun ! get new interests that will make you very happy and busy.
・ now that you have several new interests and hobbies, you'll find it much easier to meet nice people with common interests. look for groups of people and make new friends ! you will surely have lots of fun and will feel better.
・ maybe you already have friends but they are not giving you as much attention as you would like.. in that case just looking for new friends is not going to help as much as you clearly are a person who has a heart that produces too much love and needs fuel to keep it running .. so spread this love to other people too, instead of overloading your friends :
・ enter social media where you can anonymously talk to someone you admire and tell everything you think about them. you will surely feel very happy when you see that made someone smile !
・ enter random chat servers and have fun talking random things with strangers. just talking what you want and laughing a little is sometimes necessary, relationships are complicated and can make you overwhelmed or needy.
・ if you can, have a pet !! maybe you already have one, so go play with it, now !
how to deal with losses :
・ maybe you have lost something you like really much or someone very important is no longer in your life. whatever the case, the first thing you must do is accept what happened. you are probably now trying to forget and not think about it, but you remember from time to time and it hurts your heart ; so what i suggest to you is that you start writing honestly what you feel about that loss. describe why it was important to you and what you used to feel about it, write why you are missing it. describe your feelings as accurately as you can, and you can scribble and draw some things that you can't describe with words.
・ cry, you can cry. there is no problem in crying for a loss. cry as much as you want to cry, even though it seems that you will never tire of crying, at some point you will feel tired and you will be able to feel more relieved. accepting your sadness is important, suppressing feelings hurts the heart and is not healthy !
・ read what you wrote earlier and try to make a list of things you would like to continue living to feel good like before even without the presence of what you have lost. you will certainly be able to experience similar happy experiences, even if you can't replace people. happy emotions are similar and have similar weight in your life, and that's why time will make you feel more relieved.
・ now is the time to try to be distracted and not think so much about your loss. focus on what you want to feel and the experiences you want to live and what you can do to reach them, and focus no more on your loss and past experiences. you have a lot of potential to live incredible things and be very happy !!!
・ try to start doing something new that you have always been insecure of or afraid to try. start with simple things : change your hair, rearrange your room, delete and redo your social media.. get a new pet, make new friends ! even the small changes will help you to accept that you are now in a new phase and need to do your best to get it started.
how to keep a healthy conversation :
・ if you're too quiet : you probably feel like you have nothing interesting to say and that you'll bother if you try to start a conversation. important : you certainly always have something interesting in front of you and you just didn't notice it. try to comment on what you are doing and ask about the other person's day. sharing interesting, funny or cute content you've seen is also a way to keep in touch without talking too much if it makes you anxious.
・ if you feel uncomfortable asking questions and "invading" other people's space, know that they usually feel good about knowing someone is interested in them. ask questions about things that you would be interested in responding to as well, and say that if the person doesn't want to respond it's okay. they certainly will not feel pressured in this way and you'll be able to know them better and be closer.
・ if someone is venting or telling you something, be sure to make comments and questions about it so you can show that you are paying attention. you don't necessarily have to use words or give advice or say anything about yourself, just show that you are there and that you are interested and not bothered by the conversation. try to make them feel valid, it's enough.
・ if you're too talkative : you probably feel afraid of silence and not being present and you always want to comment on something. the silence is important and will not necessarily keep you distant from people. silence don't have to be uncomfortable. everyone has their time to talk and you too can have yours.
・ think before you speak. think if what you're going to say really is a nice subject and not just something to "fill the empty space". there is no need to break the silence to say anything. when starting a subject ask a question to understand if it's the person's interest before continuing to speak. if the person doesn't seem interested, you don't have to find another subject ; just let it go. if the person is interested, be careful to give time to the other person. be careful not to talk unnecessarily or repeat things. try to keep the same pace as the other person : after speaking, encourage them to talk too and wait until they finish and then you can comment on what they said. if they are not speaking so much, try to keep short sentences too ; if they are talking enough, you can talk more too.
・ you don't have to be the first and last to speak. if no one is talking, don't be that first one to start the subject every time. if someone is speaking, you don't always have to respond with words. don't always try to prolong the subject because you'll be ignored, once no one is interested in it.
・ if you need to vent or say something important and complicated, try writing what you think alone before talking to someone. by saying everything at once to someone, you may end up talking too much and overloading them with information. if you have already written what you feel before, you will be able to express yourself with few words and you'll not feel embarrassed in the end.
what to do when someone is copying you :
・ this is a common problem on the internet, since everyone wants to be interesting, but not everyone wants to do their best to naturally achieve this ( which is everyone's ability ). if you have noticed that someone is copying you, first make sure that this person is actually copying you personally and not just a style you have as well as other people. do not do anything and do not say anything until you're really sure !!
・ if so, the person is copying your personality and your work, the first thing to do is talk to them. please don't be ever rude or aggressive, just talk to them about how you're uncomfortable with the situation and would like them to stop. if the person doesn't see your messages, ask for help from close friends to try to contact them ( not aggressively )
・ they may feel embarrassed and stop, but probably not, since they're still trying to understand who they are and have not discovered their own personality they will continue copying not just you, but other people as well. please be patient and don't create a drama about it because it will only do you harm ( and they will not stop )
・ this is the very hard but important part : ignore them. if you feel really uncomfortable, maybe block them, but please don't waste any more time on that. trust me, they will stop at some point because they are not being themselves and will gradually feel empty and look for other people to copy, until they understand that this doesn't work at all. if you've talked openly about it and they are not stopping, it's clearly their problem and you should not feel bad for someone you don't deserve ! please be strong and keep doing your best, your personality is only yours and no one can steal it from you !!
how to deal with family problems :
・ it really depends on the specific problem, but in any case it can affect you a lot emotionally.. unresolved problems are the worst, so the first thing you should do is to plan a way to talk to those involved clearly, telling your feelings and what you think about the situation. maybe you feel more comfortable writing instead of talking, and that's okay too !!
・ if this problem is not directly related to you, you also have the right to talk about it and try to help, as it also affects you. do your best not to use offensive words and even if you don't believe what the other person is talking about, do not interrupt and be patient, but firm in your opinion. if you are a minor, adults will often think that what you have to say doesn't matter, but you can show that you know what you are feeling and what you want !
・ some problems are inevitable, and even if they are painful, sometimes nothing can be done. people make mistakes, and they suffer the consequences because of those mistakes. it's terrible to see people we love crying, but they can not always be helped, and if you cry along with them it will not be better ... just be there to support and love, that's more than enough! time heals everything ( it may seem impossible now, but you'll see )
・ you don't have to accept everything. if someone in your family doesn't do you any good, if you are being harmed by something, you have the right to deny, and you should. you don't have to be around people who harm you, no matter if they are your relatives. this is not healthy for anyone involved. show your clear feelings and seek help if necessary.
how to deal with mood swings :
・ constant mood swings can be really exhausting and make you have attitudes that make you embarrassed and sad.. it's important to learn to realize when the mood swings is happening, why is it happening and how to cope !
・ the most common triggers are : lack of sleep, too much caffeine, some medications, stress from big life events ( both positive and negative ones ), seasonal changes ( winter can worsen depression, while summer can increase the risk of mania ).
・ try to control stress, do what you can to simplify your life and relieve stress. do things that make you happy from time to time, don't just do your tasks ! talk to your friends, play a game, go outside for a walk.. you deserve it !
・ keep a regular schedule ! it's important to stick to a routine so you can properly manage the time of your day that you should be working and resting. have meals and go to bed the same time every day ! it is hard at the beginning, but if you start slowly you'll surely get there. oh and it's okay if some day or other you don't follow the schedule ! don't put too much pressure, it makes everyday stuff extra stressful..
・ keep moving ! being still in your room the whole day will make you really bored and stressed with time, so try to move ambients sometimes and even changing places from objects can be refreshing from time to time.
・ when you're having a mood swing, you can act in a way you don't want and say things you don't mean.. try to remember that it's a good idea to leave the place, stop talking, change the environment and wait until you feel more balanced. don't act in the heat of the moment, you have all the time in the world !
how to be more open with friends :
・ it's hard being open and talk honestly with people because we feel afraid of being judged or saying something wrong, and we constantly feel embarrassed after having a long talk with a friend. it's important knowing first what you think it's too much for you to say and what the other person think it's uncomfortable for them to talk about ! sometimes people are not in the mood for talking about negative or complicated things, and it will make you regret if you try doing so anyway.. !
・ before talking about something you know may make you regret afterwards remember : you don't have to do it, you can choose not to open yourself sometimes. if the person is someone you don't fully trust yet it's better not to, it's not safe. you can still be honest and say you don't feel comfortable talking about some things and if they're nice they should respect it.
・ if you really want to talk more freely with a person you trust, first think about why some kind of things could embarrass you. is it too intimate ? does it make you seem like a bad person ? it really depends on the person, some people are nice but could judge you for some specific things, or feel uncomfortable with heavy subjects. if you're not sure, ask them first what they think about the subject. don't do it unless you're 100% sure and they're 100% open to listen !!
・ before opening yourself fully remember to go slowly and always keep in mind that some things can be too much for some people. there is no need to tell someone about every single thing about you for becoming close and talking honestly with them ! you can just talk about things that wouldn't make you embarrassed. venting is good and a relief, but only when you fully trust someone and go slowly.
・ always respect their effort for talking to you about hard subjects ! don't keep talking about the same thing for too long, give the person some time for responding and try not to use offensive words or just be negative about anything they say ; it would make you feel hopeless and make them feel useless as a friend. remember to thank them for listening ! if someone really is bad at listening and giving advice, it's better not to vent with them.
how to self improve in a healthy way :
・ always keep in mind that trying to change who you are essentially will never get you anywhere ! you should always seek purity above all, because it's what will lead you for happiness. you know who you are, maybe you are not sure right now but you'll realize over time if you pay more attention to yourself.
・ having in mind what are your personality traits, to improve and become a better version of yourself ( not another person ) you have to focus on your weak spots and try to deal with them in the best possible way. know your limits and how far you want to go ( not what others think you should be ), learn to see your flaws as a charm that makes you unique, use them to your advantage !
・ understand that your qualities can also improve, you can apply them better in who you are and how you live. never underestimate your qualities, even if they seem silly, they will bloom and make you a more and more special person !
・ always focus on what would make you happy, be kind to yourself and others, seek patience and wisdom, do your best to make your dreams come true. be passionate, be intense and be yourself. notice all the precious things about who you are and the world around you, be part of the world you want to be and turn your life into a beautiful romance.
・ your appearance should reflect everything you are inside, and you will certainly be able to do that if you look at your body with kinder eyes and understand that is a good thing how everyone is different. your body has the ability to be perfect for you, even if you don't like it at the moment .. give it a chance. the more you improve, the more your body should reflect it, if you allow it and do your best to make it happen.
・ don't waste your time hating, being negative, wanting to be someone else, wanting another life, trying to protect your ego.. it will never lead you to anything good. remember that your current life is happening and the best you can do right now is to use what you have on hand to be happy. no one can steal your essence, only superficial things, so you don't need to be afraid to experience things and no shame of your personal interests ; you are unique !
how to avoid letting empathy hurt you personally :
・ putting yourself in the shoes of others is important for maturing and learn things without making all kind of mistakes by yourself, feeling sorry for people's sadness and genuinely treating them the best you can is how you show kindness and help others .. but when you start blaming yourself for not helping others enough, it's a sign that you're going too far !
・ if you feel extremely sad for others and cry for them, even if they're not close to you, you should be careful with your empathy. remember that the whole point of being empathetic is to try to help and learn with it, so if it makes two people sad in the end it's just useless...
・ before start feeling bad things, try to think about what you can actually do for help, what you could say that would reassure the person and make them feel a little better. take your time to think about it ! let them feel sad and cry, let them take a time too.
・ maybe there is nothing you could do ... maybe there is, but these actions would affect you as well. if you really want to help, do what you can, but don't hurt yourself... if kindness lead you for sadness it's not a good option. you deserve happiness as much as anyone else !
・ you're not useless for not being able to make everyone happy and make the world better... it would be impossible, since happiness just exist in contrast to sadness ; embrace all of it and cherish what you have and what you can do !! don't cry for the impossible .. be the light & hope for yourself and others.
how to deal with a broken heart :
・ don't try to run from the feeling, it's okay and healthy to allow yourself to cry and feel sad.. it will not last forever ! it's important to express your feelings clearly and not try to forget it, or your heart will never heal 100%. you shouldn't ignore a wound, right ? you should take care of it properly, and it will hurt, but it's only temporary.. there is no need to worry !
・ keep in your mind : it's not your fault. it is not your fault ! you are good enough, you did everything you could, you tried your best. just because bad things happen with you it doesn't mean it's your fault... it's part of life, and if you know you did something wrong you just have to learn from the experience, not blame yourself !! treat yourself kindly, no one can improve with a negative mind .. always focus on the positive. i know it's hard, if you're sad right now it will seem impossible to just be positive and think that you're really good enough, but it will come !! please, keep trying not to harm yourself, you deserve patience & love ♡
・ yes, you will be able to live your life by yourself !! i know it's hard to imagine, specially if you're not the most independent person, but you're capable. i could say "there are other people in the world for you" but i know this is not a very safe thing to think of,, you shouldn't live expecting people to enter your life to fix things and make you happy - you can be happy by yourself ! you're able to make good memories and live wonderful things. other people should be an extra, they should add to your life, but you're a full person and no matter how sensitive and dependent you are, believe in yourself ♡♡
・ it's for the best that you find new things to do that will make you feel proud of yourself and close to other people.. it's always a good idea to try to help others ! try new things out, create a new world to yourself. if your current life feel bad for you, why not just begin a new one ? you can always improve and renew everything, give yourself new meanings to things, think about life from other perspective... give yourself a new reason to keep going and plan a future for yourself, in this new life you got. even if you just want your old life back, sometimes you are forced to reinvent things.. remember : you're still yourself, you're still the purest and living new things will never change it !
how to deal with intrusive thoughts :
・ remember : intrusive thoughts can be really bad, degrading, gross, violent and shameful. this is normal, it doesn't mean you're a bad person !! you are absolutely not a bad person because of these thoughts because it's involuntary. these happen exactly because you hate think of these thing, so they keep there in the corner of your mind and come for you from time to time. it is normal, don't ever blame yourself !
・ when you start having these thoughts things can get really dark, but it doesn't have to be like that.. what personally works for me the most is trying to change these, making them nonsense and just weird - it makes things way lighter and i just let it go in a few seconds. example : if you're thinking about something violent, imagine it's actually just an acting. it's a movie recording, and it's not real. who got hurt didn't actually got hurt and is trying not to laugh because of your unnecessary reaction over an acting scene.. what a weird situation, right ?
・ instrusive thoughts are not real and there's not need to take these serious. no one is actually doing anything right now and even if it is a memory, it's nothing but a memory... it's not important anymore ! your happiness is important and you have the right to do whatever you want with your memories if it makes you happy, so just pick them from this dusty drawer of your mind, clean them and paint them so beautifully these will seem like a beautiful scene from a vintage drama movie.. with a very happy ending ♡
how to stay away from drama :
・ avoid problematic people and places ! even if someone seem nice to you, if they have lots of bad drama surrounding them it's not the best choice to get close to this person.. yes, judging others is not nice, but some people really like to get into all kind of drama and if you don't want the same it's better to stay away...
・ keep opinions to yourself ! you can say what you think of things, but if it's a controversial topic and you know you have a controversial opinion about it, people will obviously go for you and it will create drama. not everyone will respect your opinions, even if you're right .. so it's better to keep quiet and just open yourself to people you trust, not strangers.
・ focus on yourself ! socializing can be really nice, but getting involved in people's problems will get you into drama soon or later, so be careful. it's okay to be distant sometimes, you don't have to spend your energy with things that you have nothing to do with ! if a friend is getting hate, for example, you can help them by talking to them and, if they allow, talking directly to the people who are harassing them, instead of posting pubicly about it ( which would make the drama spread even more + get you involved with it )
・ be compassionate ! if someone is being toxic and mean, keep in mind this person will not get better just because you're exposing them. it may feel like the right thing to do, but it is not.. the person will receive unnecessary hate and will feel really bad - not because of what they did, though - . exposing people will make you seem as a judgemental person, nothing more. not everyone will understand your intentions and it will get you into drama. keep yourself away from toxic people, maybe talk to your friends about it, but don't expose the person in public !!
how to deal with involuntary obsessive behaviors :
・ involuntary obsessive thoughts and behaviors usually happen when you're stressed, and if you have ocd you have to deal with these frequently.. compulsions are specific behaviors that people feel that they have to do when they have an obsessive thought, like washing excessively, ordering things in a certain way, counting things compulsively, the urge to take notes on everything or repeat the same thoughts / actions over and over until it seems that things are "right". though you may feel instant relief from performing the rituals associated with these obsessive thoughts, it's everything but pleasant. rather, it makes you feel more anxious while it gets harder and harder to feel that you're doing things right !! so, how to deal with it the right way ?
・ notice behaviors that are normal and those that are obsessive. try to write down each one of them through the day, realize what behaviors and thoughts you have that bother you and force you to do things that won't help at all. those usually come down as "waste of time" but at the same time "absolutely necessary" !
・ talk to people you trust about these behaviors, with people you know that won't judge you. remember that no matter how weird it is, it's a way of your mind to try to "put things in place" when you are stressed. it is not something to be ashamed of, but to try to overcome the best you can !! it's always easier to overcome things when you understand them better and face them head on.
・ obsessive compulsive thoughts come worse when you're stressed, so managing stress is a really important coping strategy. we tend to feel stressed when we are in situations wherein a lot of pressure is placed upon us and we don't feel as though we are in control... part of managing stress is about avoiding these situations, if at all possible. another big part of managing stress is learning how to cope with difficult situations, or "developing emotional resilience". it takes time, but it's possible if you try kindly and at your own pace ♡
・ trying different relaxation techniques could help to ease stress. deep breathing techniques can be calming, taking a break from social media, creative hobbies ( such as painting, sewing, crafts ) or even listening to music can be very therapeutic !!
・ when the obsessive thoughts come and you feel the urge to do all the stuff you know "you should do", try your very best to not do any of this. it will be hard, you'll fail many times, but keep trying !! don't give up, you have control over it. one thing that can distract yourself from the thoughts is to practice mindfulnesse techniques :
・ mindfulness techniques involve paying deep attention to your mind, body, and surroundings and working on how you respond to changes in your mental state. once you start to realize who you are, where you are and what is happening surround you, you'll find easier to simply create a new mindset : "i will not do it because i don't want to. nothing bad will truly happen if i don't do it because it's not a necessary behavior. i will feel bad if i keep doing it, so i will not"
coping with jealousy :
・ jealousy is a natural feeling that everyone feels, it comes when you compare yourself to other people and feel that you're not as good as them. it makes you feel angry, incapable, unfit, afraid of abandonment.. it's a very bad feeling, but it actually doesn't have to be like it ! jealously can can become motivation, inspiration and be very productive for you. but how.. ?
・ stick to your mind : you are as good and capable as the next person. it may seem to you that this person is smarter, prettier, and many more things than you, but that is not true. everyone is different and everyone have a different way to achieve things, it doesn't make you any less just because you haven't achieved the same things !! i know it's hard to actually believe it, but please try your best, because it's the truth. if you were that person you wouldn't exist, so what's the point anyway ? focus on your own growth, respect your own pace ♡
・ if you can't help comparing yourself to others, try to turn that feeling into motivation and inspiration !! if someone is "being perfect" be your perfect self as well, do awesome things too !!! it's going to be different, but you are different, so that's fine. someone in the world is certainly looking at you inspiringly too, so make jealousy a healthy competition and let yourself be inspired while inspiring others and growing up together ! it actually is extremely enriching to have rivals because you will realize that little by little you want to see them succeed and not the other way around, because this "jealousy" actually motivates you a lot ; seeing people's "perfection" in a healthy way ( knowing that everyone has flaws and are different ) will help you be the best version of yourself, too.
・ if someone ever leaves you because they find someone else prettier, that person really really really isn't worth it in your life. if the person doesn't like you for who you are and compares you to others, it's not worth it !!! a good-hearted person would never ever change people like old clothes. a good person who really likes you will appreciate and support you in your growth ( and in your difficulties as well ). if you like someone and you know that person likes you too, don't torture yourself with the fear of being exchanged for another, you don't deserve such bad feeling..
how to deal with embarrassing memories :
・ sometimes we're just trying to rest and out of nowhere something very embarrassing that you did 5 years ago comes to your mind, making you anxious and very bothered.. specially if it's something you don't want others to know, it would be so awkward, it's like it's not you who did those things, but it was you, a past you !! actually, if you feel ashamed of your past self it's a great sign that you have improved a whole lot, so be proud of your present self ♡♡
・ there is no need to feel actually afraid of people finding out embarrassing things you did so many time ago, because it's not relevant anymore ( of course unless it's something very serious )... some people may laugh, but there is absolutely no one in this world who has nothing embarrassing to hide so don't feel any less than others.
・ you have no obligation to "reveal" your past self to other people, because as i said : it's not relevant anymore. you are not lying / being fake just because you don't want to reveal every single thing about yourself, specially such specific things about your past.. !! there is no need for such thing, you're allowed to keep things for yourself if you want, and people should always respect that. you've grown up a lot, focus on your present self and how much more you want to improve, don't keep stressing yourself about the past !
・ past is past, and even if you feel like you were a whole different person in the past it's not a bad thing at all ! everyone is composed by different things, you have different parts that make you who you are. you are still the same person you were since born, but improved in many ways because of everything you have been learning these years ( and will keep learning ) ; the thing is that with time you decided to embrace your best qualities and show to everyone the best of yourself, which is really good !! everyone has some embarrassing stuff about themselves, but it's very natural and part of your growth ♡
how to avoid oversharing :
・ we try to be authentic and honest with people, brave enough to be ourselves and genuine enough to live according to our values. to be an authentic person, what you say you and what you do must line up with what you believe.. but it's easy to go too far and start oversharing. some people have adopted the idea that "being honest" and "owning your story" means sharing your deepest darkest secrets with the world, which is not true !! you might put yourself in physical danger by revealing too much to the wrong person, recounting your problems to people who don't have your best interest in mind may lead them to take advantage of you.
・ the difference between being authentic and oversharing is very delicate, but these are some questions you could make before sharing things : is this information relevant to the audience i'm sharing with, or am i just randomly venting ? do these people who are going to see this really need to see this, do they really care about this ? can this information make a bad impression about who i am and what i believe ? am i sharing this solely to get attention ? is it really worth exposing this to these people, or should i keep as something more intimate to people i really trust ?
・ it's important to keep in mind which people you have full confidence in and which ones you don't, and to know how to set limits to the information you share with them. it's unnecessary and dangerous to share your weaknesses with people who may have bad intentions and want to use them against you ! your struggles will not always be welcomed, but for the right people they can be motivational, so always be careful and choose who really empathizes with you to expose yourself a little more.. your life story and overcoming will only be valued by people who care about you ♡
・ if you feel that exposing yourself is a good coping mechanism but you don't want to be associated with the information you want to vent about it, remember that it is always an option to remain anonymous and not associate your name with the information. you don't have to reveal your innermost, darkest feelings to anyone if it makes you embarrassed, but sometimes it's important to let it off somehow ! make keeping away from drama and bad people a priority over trying to "be an example" to other people.
things you shouldn't say when someone is sad :
・ "it is what it is, life is tough" - negativity will never help in any case. if you don't know what to say it's better to just be there to show you care, instead of making things seem worse.. making the person feel like they hate being alive is the worst thing you could do
・ "time will heal everything" - time certainly helps to heal any wounds, but easier said than done ! the future is distant from now so it's not practical to think about it .. sadness will keep there, you should always focus on the present and things you could do right now to feel at least a little better
・ "you should try harder and keep going" - of course it's good to have some motivation, but when you're sad it hurts hearing that because it seems like you aren't trying hard enough, that you aren't good enough. be careful on how to motivate people, be sure to validate people's efforts !
・ "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" - that is not true at all, bad experiences can be traumatic and harmful to someone's mental health ! don't be disrespectful and do your best to show that you care about their wellbeing, don't diminish the situation because it will make them feel weak and insignificant ..
・ "it could be worse" - yes it could, but no one cares really.. it doesn't help in practice, it will just make the person embarrassed of their feelings, and that is not the point ! sadness is a valid feeling and even if you're just sad for spilling juice, it's part of life and people deserve comfort no matter how small the problem is ♡
・ "if i were you i wouldn't be sad, you have everything to be happy" - making the person feel like a spoiled brat is obviously terrible !! please please don't try to make this about yourself, just use yourself as an example if you'll provide useful tips on what you have learned from experience ( how you got over it in a similar situation, for example )
how to respect your moods :
・ sometimes we plan our routine but when the time comes to do that task we don't feel in the mood, and everything gets a lot more complicated .. we often take it as procrastination, but that's not always the case. we put a lot of pressure on ourselves and even if we are legitimately tired and mentally stressed, we force ourselves to do difficult tasks - and if we fail, we feel worthless. ignoring your emotions and pretend you're fine when you're physically not okay is a way of self harm. negative emotions must be dealt with care and respect so that you can move on without leaving wounds.
・ an easy method to know if you are actually exhausted and need rest is to notice your body : you will feel physical symptoms of fatigue. even if you had enough sleep you can feel tired, because of the quality of your sleep ( that can be very affected by anxiety ) .. it's important that you respect your body and take it easy, don't do more than necessary, don't put yourself in more stress. it's okay to feel tired, it's not your fault if you can't do all you wanted to do !
・ now, if you're feeling completely comfortable ( no nausea, muscle aches, headache, stomach ache.. ) and just don't want to leave the place and move around, you're most certainly not tired. it can still be hard to do stressful tasks, so try to make a list of what you need to do, splitting tasks into easy-to-do tasks, including all the details. you don't need to do everything at the exact time you expected, you don't need to finish all tasks in one day, just try to do a little bit and it's better than nothing ! you will feel motivated to continue once you've started ♡
how to get rid of bad thoughts :
・ if you're having a problem right now, if you're feeling confused and sad for any reason and you can't distract yourself or feel interested in anything, please stop anything you're doing right now and follow these steps :
・ go to a quiet, safe place where you can be alone and free of distractions, and start writing down everything you're feeling as clear as possible. you can write on your phone, but i recommend paper, because some emotions are hard to describe and you can scribble them. write absolutely everything, be spontaneous !
・ after you finish writing all your thoughts and feelings clearly, it's time to read it and make some questions to yourself : where these bad feelings are coming from ? can you do something to help yourself ? do you need help ? please try to focus on the possible solutions.
・ if it's something you can help by yourself, how can you do it, exactly ? please feel free to ask for advice if you're not sure, you're not a bother, i promise.
・ if you need help, please ask for help. you are not a bother, you deserve good things and it's important that you honestly open yourself to someone you trust, you don't need to deal with everything by yourself ♡
・ in any case, if the problem can't be helped right NOW, there's no point in worrying about it right now. it's hard, but the best you can do right now is to plan your next actions to fix the problem and rest your tired heart.. you deserve it ♡
how to use internet in a healthy way :
・ internet is supposed to be used for entertainment or learning things, you have an infinity of nice and useful content that could actually help you, make you happy, inspired.. so why it can be so harmful ?
・ the problem is with the way you interpret things you see, and how you respect yout own limits as an individual. it's common that we forgot internet is not real life, and force ourselves into uncomfortable situations like seeing things we don't want to, accepting interactions from people we don't like, taking all things by heart.. and specially, we tend to believe the illusion that people are living way better than us : we take other people's success negatively. we believe they're actually better than us. it happens in real life too, but in real life we can't edit things so it's easier to see people are normal and imperfect, everyone is just trying to show their best on internet.
・ i suggest making your internet life like a practice from the ideal life you would like to live in, since you have a lot more control over your actions and things you see, it's way easier to actually make things almost 100% comfortable and nice. clean all things you dislike, search for inspiring content, be kind and full of hope, be romantic, be yourself. be everything you would like to be in real life, and use it as motivation to actually make changes in real life too, when it's the right time .. it's harder to avoid some things, but on internet it just takes one click and maybe a few words, it's like magic !!
・ sometimes there are things that should be entertaining or motivating, but aren't actually effective at the moment. sometimes you're more vulnerable because of insecurities, and it can hurt seeing some things, that aren't supposed to hurt. it's okay to avoid these things too ! self-esteem is a delicate process, take baby steps for feeling confident instead of pushing yourself to feel okay with everything. internet can be really overwhelming, but you can make it a soft place for healing in your own pace ♡
・ it's okay not wanting to socialize. in real life it's harder to avoid socialization, specially when you get pressured by other people, so use internet as a way to practice self-respect. if you're feeling uncomfortable for talking or seeing that one person posting annoying things, mute them. it's fine. you can go back when you're feeling better, or you can just not be around them anymore. if you experience confrontation, be honest and kind with your words, that's all you can do. you're not obligated to accept everything, you have the right to seek better for your own life, if it's not harming anyone ( unfollowing someone shouldn't harm, really )
・ numbers can also be a big pressure, since people tend to compare numbers between each other to feel more or less "successful" .. but numbers are not the way to know if you're actually doing your best, it can be the exact opposite actually. you have to focus on people : if there are actual people getting positive feelings by your content, that's what matters. what are your intentions in posting content on internet ? do you make it for yourself, do you make it for other people ? do you make it for feeling better about yourself and feeding ego, or do you make it for make someone smile ? prioritize your goals and surround yourself with people with similar goals, and you'll certainly get wonderful and fulfilling experiences by using internet ♡
・ important : don't spend hours on social media. it doesn't matter how hard you worked for making your personal space perfectly comfortable, if you spend too much time you will absolutely find things that aren't nice soon or later. trying to find new content for following is good, but the more you click in random things the more you get down the rabbit hole and it can make you very stressed. be careful and make sure you don't get overly exposed to random information that doesn't matter, keep focusing on things that will help you grow up !
how to cope with paranoia :
・ paranoia is thinking and feeling as if you are under threat even though there is no ( or very little ) evidence that you are, in paranoia your fears become amplified and you become the centre of a scary world.. paranoid thoughts can be different from person to person, there are lots of different kinds of threat you might be scared and worried about. you might have these thoughts very strongly all the time, or just occasionally when you are in a stressful situation. first thing to do is stop and understand your situation, thinking about it !
・ here are some examples of common types of paranoid thoughts : you are at risk of being harmed, your actions or thoughts are being interfered with by others, you are being controlled, other people are trying to make you look bad or exclude you, you are being talked about behind your back or watched by people... people might disagree on what is a paranoid thought, someone else might say your thoughts are paranoid when you don't think they are. how to know if you're actually being paranoid ?
・ suspicious thoughts are more likely to be paranoid if : there is a lot of evidence against that thought, it's way too unlikely to happen, you still have the suspicious thought despite reassurance from others, your suspicions are based on feelings and ambiguous events and not on facts. not all suspicious thoughts are paranoid, we all have good reason to be suspicious sometimes. justified suspicions are suspicions that you have evidence for ! it is not paranoid to think that you have to be cautious and careful, specially if there is a risk. justified suspicions can help keep you safe, the problem is if you're feeling actually stressed by these thoughts and can't do things you want to do.
・ try keeping a diary for recording what your paranoid thoughts are, how you feel about them, how often you think about them, your sleep and other life events. give the thoughts a number from 1-10 to show how strongly you believe them and how stressed they make you feel, it can help you identify what might be triggering your paranoia and when you are most likely to have paranoid thoughts, recognise them when they occur and help you question and challenge them, think about what has been helpful in the past.. once you have a better understanding of your triggers, you can try to take steps to avoid them !
・ question and challenge your paranoid thoughts, it can help you work out whether your suspicious thoughts are paranoid or justified and make you feel reassured. some questions are : are these worries realistic ? have i ever talked to other people about my worries ? is there any evidence for my suspicions that can't be questioned ? are my worries based on events that could be viewed in different ways ? are my worries based on my feelings rather than definite evidence ? is it likely that i would be singled out above everyone else ? is there any evidence against my beliefs ? do i still feel suspicious even though other people have reassured me that there is no reason to be ? what should i actually do for keeping safe in this situation ?
・ make sure to ask for help if you're feeling stressed ! sometimes you can't deal with it by yourself and that's okay. talk about your thoughts with someone you trust, be honest about your feelings and don't reach to people you know that could be negative and feed these bad thoughts. positivity and self care are the key at the moment, make it a priority to give yourself love by looking at things with a positive mindset. try your best, healing takes time ♡
how to approach someone with trust issues :
・ important : people with abandonment and trust issues don't dislike you or consider you a bad person for not opening up, they may not feel comfortable for open completely and that's okay, the point is thinking about their feelings and know they can get help if necessary.
・ never push them to trust you, never threaten to leave if they can't open up !!! this kind of attitude only worsens the fear of abandonment and is straight up manipulation. make sure to remind them that you're there and that you care about them, make them feel comfortable by talking, ask them how they're feeling, be there - even if they can't feel comfortable now, they will eventually if you prove your kindness through attitudes !
・ simply showing them that you care is enough. show them funny, cute or interesting stuff that reminds you of them, ask about their day, be random with them.. make the bond stronger ! talk about yourself and then ask them about themselves ( people often feel that talking about themselves would be a bother, but not if the other person is being reciprocal )
・ don't be insistent, respect personal space. patience is the key ! saying "you can vent with me if you want" all the time can feel like pressure, just remind them that they can be themselves with you and talk about themselves, and it's okay to feel ( not only positive feelings ) ♡
・ it's a lot easier to open emotionally with someone that is also open and seem interested in listening and helping if necessary, not by only words but with actions. some people seem distant by the way they act when you talk about certain topics, you start talking they keep quiet and it seem like a bother.. please be careful !
how to comfort someone who's sad :
・ first step : be open for listening, even if they don't know what to say. it's important to reassure them saying that you care and will be there if anything ! try not to throw random advices if they're not asking for it, focus on showing an open heart and giving them love and affection, as much as they want.
・ second step : make them feel loved !! make them a playlist, ask how their day was, give them random hugs and reminders that you care for them, share things you think they will like, compliment them on their talents, send pictures of flowers you found and cute animals.. create art for them, write them a poem ! anything is valid, you don't need to have long conversations. knowing someone thinks of you through their day and want to make you smile feels awesome and certainly heals sadness ♡
・ third step : give them time to heal and don't pressure them to be positive and happy now ! everyone is different and it's very important to respect that. keep in mind that your love and kindness is everything you can give right now and sometimes people prefer being alone when sad, it doesn't mean you're doing a "bad job". don't make them feel guilty for wanting to isolate themselves a little bit, just make sure they know that you care and will still be there when they want to talk.
how to become kinder :
・ work your patience. listen, observe, respect the importance of silence and passivity .. not everything has to be radiant to be important! pay attention to details and small ways to show affection and care. remember and remind others to take care of themselves, in simple ways like hydrating, eating, resting...
・ pay attention to how you feel and behave towards others. always look for kind and encouraging words on the daily basis. be careful what might offend or bother someone, respect your own opinion and respect others equally. try to keep specific subjects in appropriate places to avoid oversharing and unnecessary exposure, avoid discussions that cannot add anything to either side: silence is always an option. if you have nothing interesting to say, say nothing. it's okay ♡
・ don't suppress feelings. try to see the beauty in things and seek positive solutions to problems, but embrace the negative equally: there is always something to learn from bad feelings, and this is only possible if you allow yourself to feel them and then let them go in a healthy way.
・ don't stand behind others, nor above others. we're equal. respect the needs of others and their individual forms of happiness, but don't sacrifice your own happiness for anyone !! it is important to respect your well-being, so that you will be an inspiration to other people and genuinely help them, while improving as a person.
・ be your true self ♡ keep in touch with nature and love deeply. nature is pure, true and powerful. you are part of it! don't let yourself be changed to please the empty expectations of others, be an example of candor and innocence. don't let your dreams die.
signs that social media is overwhelming you :
・ you often feel an urge of opening the apps, because you think you're missing something important or people will dislike you for not giving them attention
・ you feel easily tired and stressed after looking on your feed, you feel like your energy is drained and less motivated for doing things
・ you keep comparing yourself to others and feel insecure and embarrassed of your current life and appearance, as if you're inferior to some of them
・ you feel angry or sad constantly because of all the drama that keeps getting to you, even if you're not part of it, but you keep looking into it for curiosity
・ important : if you feel any kind of bad feeling after using social media please take some time for cleaning your account of anything that is making you feel that way ! internet is supposed to be inspiring and fun, not an unnecessary stress. search for accounts that actually make you feel good and give you the chance of looking at your life from a good perspective, that give you opportunity of improving and doing better instead of making you feel inferior. give yourself time to breathe and live your own life instead of other's, be careful of how much you use internet and if it's actually good for you, make it a good experience. ♡
how to improve your self-esteem :
・ get to know your pure self. don't stick to descriptions and introductions about yourself, what others see of you or what you would like to be. be honest and accept who you truly are. we are all made of good and bad, it's important to know how to separate what is really good and bad and what you can improve - without trying to change your natural essence !
・ stop comparing yourself with others. other people can be incredible inspirations and help you to be better, but it's essential to separate inspiration from impersonation : you are unique and must respect your personal limits. you can do many things, and for that you need to look at the success of others as a motivation .. no matter how similar they look, the feeling is different.
・ find your ideal, attainable self. don't stick to impossible goals, don't spend your energy trying to be something that doesn't suit you, as it couldn't make you happy ! you must let go of other people's opinions that are not constructive and lean on your dreams. where do you want to get ? what energy do you want to emanate ? hold on to it, for your own sake. you will naturally inspire others from the moment you have a lighter heart, so make it a priority ♡
how to cope with anger :
・ feeling angry is natural and inevitable, but how we deal with it is something we can improve. the first step is not to blame yourself for feeling, as this will only make the situation more stressful and you will end up feeling more angry: now, at yourself too. for not to act without thinking and saying things that you may regret later, stop and reflect on what exactly makes you feel irritated !
・ to deal with the annoyances of life calmly, you must open your heart to the reasons for what is making you feel bad. ponder, accept and let go. discussions often lead to nothing and just accumulate more problems on your list ! think about whether it is really necessary to feel this emotion, if there is something you can actively do to deal with it or if it is just a nonsense irritability ( learn to differentiate and not let your ego speak louder )
・ don't let expectations spoil things for you ! we often expect attitudes from people that may not happen, or perfectly ideal situations. remember that not everything is in your hands, and that things can be a little different than expected, and that's fine. people act out of personal circumstances and motivations, and don't always want your harm, as it may seem. try not to blame yourself, the world or other people for minor inconveniences and you will feel purely light-hearted ♡
・ venting can be good, but be careful : when we complain, we often increase the feeling and create in our head a situation of immense injustice and disgust that is not always about reality. did that really happen to bother you, or was it just a misfortune ? many times when we complain, we get annoyed when others try to solve the problem for us. we usually just want validation, and we don't really need to think about what annoys us to receive it. put yourself in the shoes of others, let the inevitable go and practice quietude.
※ i don't own some of the tips ; some are tumblr posts and from sulyia ;
※ do you have something important to add ? please tell me !
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